Exit Interview

By Debi

As the closing credits started to roll I glanced around to survey my fellow patrons for the first showing of "The 13th Warrior". About 2 dozen people in all I would guess. About a fourth of them were single men, most of them probably in their 30's or so and a little on the 'geeky' side. There were about a half dozen couples of varying ages, mostly middle-aged. There was one small group of three, 2 girls and a guy. The rest was made up of women in pairs -- one pair looked to be a grandmother and her teenaged granddaughter. I seemed to be the only woman there alone. I also noticed an usher waiting near the exit. He was also surveying the crowd. He made eye contact with me briefly and then went back to his task of, well, whatever it was he was doing. I continued to sit and watch the rolling credits and enjoy the score, which had definite Middle Eastern undertones. I decided I liked the score and wondered where I would find the soundtrack for this movie.

When the last of the credits rolled I sighed and got up wishing with all my heart that I could rewind and watch the movie again. I felt good about the movie now, but I also felt like I had missed some important nuances, and most importantly I wanted to see Antonio big as life again! As I approached the exit I was so lost in these thoughts that I had forgotten about the usher so when he spoke to me I was startled. He was saying, "Excuse me miss, but would you participate in an 'exit interview'?" As I stared blankly at him while the words registered, he went on the explain, "We have been asked by the makers of this film to select patrons who fit certain profiles to give us their impressions of the movie. Do you have time to answer a few questions for us?"

"Uh, yeah, sure…but one thing first."

"Yes, Miss, what is that?"

I glanced down at the rather large - and empty - drink cup I was holding and sheepishly asked, "May I go to the restroom?"

The usher shook his head slightly and with a friendly chuckle replied, "Of course. I will meet you in the Main lobby in a few minutes then."

While I was in the restroom I started wondering what sorts of questions they would be asking. I also wondered why they would do this. The movie was already in wide release - too late to make any last minute changes based on my impressions of the film. I couldn't imagine, so I just shrugged it off as one of those Hollywood mysteries that I never seem to understand.

True to his word the usher was waiting for me in the main lobby. He now had a clipboard and so I assumed the interview would take place there. Imagine my surprise when he indicated I should follow him down one of the corridors to a small office. On the way he asked me my name. "Debi," I replied while he noted that on his clipboard. He went on to ask me my last name, my age, what town I lived in and --- well, you get the picture. By the time we reached the office and he escorted me in, he had all that information gathered.

I looked into the room and there was nothing in there but a few chairs and on one wall there was the "EYE" poster and on the other wall was the "FULL FACE" poster for The 13th Warrior. Hmmm. Interesting, I thought. There was no one else in the room. I expected the usher to take a seat, but he simply indicated where I should sit and told me he would be right back with the interviewer. I shrugged and sat down in the chair he indicated. Opposite were two more chairs facing the one I was seated upon.

I sat there and looked first at the "EYE" poster. It was okay, after all it was Antonio's eye, but I preferred to look at the one with his whole face. I had been staring at it, lost in Antonio fantasy land when the door opened and I heard two people enter talking. One was the usher -- I recognized his voice. Then the other man spoke and I RECOGNIZED HIS VOICE TOO! No way! I thought, dragging myself out of my most recent Antonio daydream and turning to get a look at the men coming around to be seated in front of me.

I saw the usher first -- yes, that is who it was. Then I saw the other man --"The Interviewer". I looked. Not believing my eyes, I shook my head slightly as if to shake away the cobwebs of my fantasy. I looked again, waiting for my eyes to focus. They HAD to focus because I just knew I was not really seeing whom it seemed I was seeing. It made no sense. I took off my glasses and cleaned them on my T-shirt. I put them back on and looked straight into the most beautiful amber-colored eyes I have ever seen. They stared back at me full of amusement, kindness and patience. I finally forced myself to break the contact because I was having the most delicious sensation of falling into his eyes. I was afraid I was going to slide right on out of that chair!

Finally, he spoke. "Debi, I am so appreciative of your giving of your time to answer our questions." He stopped then and with a look of mild concern on his face he reached over and touched me gently on my knee. It was then that I realized I had been holding my breath and when he spoke my name I had let it out in such a rush that I sounded distressed. He spoke again. "Are you alright?"

"Y-y-y-es. I think so." I stammered. "It is just - well, you are Antonio! Antonio just said MY name!" I cringed because I knew I was very close to "swooning and fawning".

He face broke in to the happiest of grins and he said to me in the voice of Alejandro Murietta, "Yes, I sometimes have that effect on women."

That did it! I laughed hard. Just as I knew he had planned, my nervousness was expelled with the laughter. I sighed and relaxed in my chair. "Okay, I think I can speak rational sentences now. What do you want to know?"

With a chuckle he began explaining that what they wanted to know was how to market this movie to women. He explained that he had agreed to go out and do some of these interviews for the studio because he felt it would help him with his own aspirations as director and producer. Ah, so that's it, I thought. I had wondered why Antonio Banderas would be conducting such interviews.

"Let's start with these posters. Which do you prefer and why?"

"Well, duh! The one with your whole face Antonio. If you are trying to lure women you gotta give them more than just an eye for Pete's sake!"

The usher was writing down my comments on the clipboard.

"I see," Antonio said. Then he continued, "What got you here to the theater today? For the first showing on the first day no less."

I had to laugh, "You mean besides you?"

He smiled that shy, crooked little smile of his and nodded his head indicating that yes, that was what he wanted to know.

"Well, to be honest Antonio. You are the only reason I came to see this movie. You are the main reason I will come to see it again."

"Hmmm. Okay, fair enough. Now tell me, what did you like about this movie?"

"You mean besides you?" I asked him again.

"Yes" he answered with another smile.

I began my answer with a bit of a grimace "Well actually, there isn't a lot in this movie for a woman to appreciate EXCEPT you, but the costumes are great, although none of those great pants this time." Did I just say that? "I enjoyed the language transition. It was wonderful how that was done. You could see Ahmed gradually gaining understanding of the strange language. I couldn't help but think how you had personal experience learning a new language. That really came across, how Ahmed learned simply by listening - I, of course, could not help but think of you during the filming of Mambo Kings. I also loved it when Ahmed showed the warriors what his "dog" could do. I laughed and wanted to applaud."

He nodded and indicated that I should continue.

"I liked the scene where the girl was 'doctoring' your er, I mean Ahmed's wounds. In fact, I liked all the scenes you had with this girl and only wish there had been more. That relationship could have been developed more."

Antonio interrupted me, "Uh, thank you for your compliments, is there anything else you enjoyed about the movie?"

"Uh, you mean besides you?"

"Yes, please" he said with just the slightest bit of amusement in his eyes. "We would like to know if you would come to see this film again. Will you recommend it to your women friends?"

"Well, I will try to get some of my non-Antonio friends out to see this movie, but it is going to be a hard sell. I will work up the spiritual aspects of the film: In spite of the overwhelming situations Ahmed found himself in, he never lost sight of his beliefs. He relied on his faith and his god and his own good manners and sense to get him through the seemingly impossible. Those are admirable traits in anyone. I will tell them how in the end good triumphs over evil. When they ask me if it is bloody and violent I will tell them, yes, but maybe it has to be to show how formidable an enemy the "eaters of the dead" are for the small band of warriors. Honestly though, unless the men in their lives bring them to this movie or they are already a devout AB fan, most women are not going to come to this movie unless you can appeal to their senses. Different posters might help. You know the guys are going to come to this movie. Make the posters visually appealing to a woman. There is a picture on the Internet of Ahmed on a hillside on his beautiful Arabian horse. That would make the most wonderful poster. Make a poster of Ahmed and the girl. It is too bad there is not more in this movie to appeal to women. It could have been made differently."

A smile with a hint of what I read as regret. "Yes, it could have been made differently" was all he said.

After a pause where we were both momentarily lost in thought he resumed the interview, "What else would you like to tell us about your experience here today?"

"Well, I can tell you that the trailers scared the crud out of me! I was really hoping to see a trailer for "Crazy in Alabama" but all they showed were these really very weird trailers. Trying to reach that male audience again I guess, huh?"

"Something like that. Is there anything else you would like to share?"

"I can't think of anything. I will see this movie again, because in the end I felt rewarded by the classic 'good triumphs over evil" ending and the mutual respect and (dare I say it?) love the Vikings and the Arab developed for one another. I will also see it again because I just feel like I missed a lot the first time. This is one of those movies where I know I am going to get a little more out of it with each viewing. It is not a simple movie by any means. The story is a very complicated one, and maybe that is one of the biggest drawbacks of the movie -- too much to convey in a couple of short hours. I will definitely buy the video, by the way."

"Okay, chica, is that it?" I looked up into those beautiful eyes again and nearly melted into a pool when he called me chica. He was smiling and I knew he knew what that word means to me.

"You know about us then?"

"Of course, how could I not. Chicas sent me all those wonderful birthday cards last year with all those donations to Feed the Children. That got my attention. They ALL told me about the Mall. I had already been told about it by one of the girls that works for me at Green Moon. She told me about the fun you all have at the Mall and other places on the Internet. I don't have much time to 'surf the 'net' but that year in August I made some time to go see the 'chicas' at the mall. You chicas have a lot of fun don't you?"

"We do Antonio, yes, we have a lot of fun. Do you know how much we admire you and how you have enriched our lives? We are reading books we never would have read before. Writing stories when we never even knew we wanted write. We are 'meeting' people all over the world and learning about each other's lives. …"

Modesty prevented him from saying much; he just smiled politely and nodded.

"Okay, maybe I am getting carried away, but while we are all devoted to you, our friendships with other chicas have become so much more than just you. We are family of sorts. Above all else, we hope you are proud of us."

"Tell the chicas I am very proud and honored to have such intelligent, beautiful and talented fans. "

He reached over and took my hand and in slow motion (it seemed to me anyway) he brought it to his lips and placed a warm, gentle kiss there. "Thank you, Debi, for sharing your thoughts with us today. We would like to compensate you for you time. How about some free passes so you can bring some friends back next time you come to see the movie?"

"Oh that would be wonderful! " I said, although I really wanted something more personal.

Antonio must have read my expression because he remarked, "Ah, but I am guessing there is something more you desire?"

I was laughing inside when he said that. Oh if he only knew! Outwardly though, I simply said, "Well, uh, you see, uh I would like to have another kiss?"

"What sort of kiss? Like I kissed Salma in Desperado?" He was teasing me.

I blushed and answered him. "Well DUH! But I am a married woman and you are a married man so maybe a nice kiss on my cheek? Please."

I could feel the sweat forming in my palms and the strength go out of my knees when he said, "Yes, of course. I would be honored. I was glad to be sitting when he swiftly leaned across and touched those soft, meant-for-kissing lips to my cheek. He was so close I could smell the Diavolo on his skin. I had to fight the urge to turn my head ever so slightly and make it a "Salma" kiss. As he pulled away I let out a deep sigh in spite of my efforts to repress it. Antonio just smiled, seeming to understand.

We chitchatted a bit more about the Texas heat and he actually said that Texas reminded him a little of Spain. " The people here are very relaxed and friendly like Spaniards. Maybe I will make a movie here some day."

Finally, after the strength had returned to my jelly legs I stood to leave. I put my hand in the pocket of my shorts and felt the ticket stub there. Hmmm, I wonder…. I was thinking as I pulled it out of my pocket. Nah, I can't ask. As I started to put it back in my pocket Antonio reached over and took it from me. "Here let me give you a memento of this day." He reached over and took the usher's pen and clipboard from him and quickly scrawled his autograph across my ticket stub.

As he handed it back to me I had this irresistible urge to hug him - and I did. He accepted my hug graciously and kept his arm across my shoulders as he escorted me to the door.

I turned to leave down the hallway when I heard him call my name, "Chica Debi."

"Yes?" I answered turning back towards him.

"Er, did I thank you?" He asked with a big conspiratorial grin on his face.

"No. No you didn't." I replied playfully.

With a wink: "I will…"