Welcome to the Antonio Banderas Obsession Rehabilitation Clinic. Ladies (and gentlemen, if there are any – these low lights make it difficult to see you), we regret that Dr. Leal cannot be here today to welcome you in person; he is in private consultation with his faithful assistant, JoAnn. However, I wish to extend his warmest greetings to all of you, and to assure you that your individual 60 minute session with the doctor will take place, as promised in the literature forwarded to you.
This introductory meeting is to give you some basic information about the clinic. Everything that I’ll be telling you is included in the brochures you received when you checked in this morning. As many of you know, the Clinic has been in existence for about 6 years. It was established specifically to deal with the unique problems and effects of what leading researchers have identified as the Banderas Obsession. Those present have certainly exhibited some or all of these symptoms, which include lightheadedness, a weakness for dark brown eyes, the urge to immerse yourselves in all things Spanish, a severe addiction to several Internet sites, constant daydreaming, and a tendency to sigh loudly in rapture during the most serious of films. We pride ourselves on our thorough, discreet program to assist you in coping with this problem.
There are many forms of treatment available to you, but I must tell you that we have found our personal therapy sessions to be the most successful and popular; one or more treatments with the therapist of your choice are available – please be sure to register early! Our "graduates," as we fondly call them, are leading happy and productive lives all over the world today, and have successfully put into practice our easy to remember 12-step program, "What Would Antonio Do". Please notice that I am avoiding using the word "cure" in this discussion. You will not be cured. You will, however, be able to integrate your obsession into your daily routine with our loving assistance.
Please feel free to avail yourselves of all our amenities during your stay. Of particular interest to most patients are the 4 video rooms (open 24 hours a day), each with a large screen television, state-of-the-art stereo surround speakers, and a generous supply of snacks. However, we would like to remind you that there are many other options to choose from for your personal amusement: several lap pools; an authentic recreation of a traveling carnival, complete with target shooting gallery (you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the target!); our open-air early California mercado (with many amusing souvenirs available for purchase); the elegant Not-Quite-Tarrasco Bar (with unlimited PWC on tap); and the only branch of the Banco Internacional located in the United States.
We want to assure you that your regimen will be treated with the strictest confidentiality. But, we also encourage you all to share your experiences, both joyful and painful, no matter how embarrassing, with your fellow guests. Dr. Leal has found this method of co-dependent interaction helpful in the overall treatment of the Obsession.
If you would open your brochures to page 2, you will find a series of client case histories. Please study these carefully; we’d like you to note any parallel symptoms that you may find in these stories, for further exploration with your therapist. On behalf of Dr. Leal and the clinic staff, I hope your stay is most enjoyable! Please do not hesitate to ask any of us if you have further questions or comments.
NOTE: The case histories are reproduced here, for easy reference.
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