Double Trouble

By Nicki

So, here I am. The Antonio Banderas Obsession Rehabilitation Clinic. It's much better than I thought it would be, the activities are truly spectacular (particularly that target thing; I always did dislike certain blondes), and the food is great. But, I don't believe that I belong here. My friend Kate thinks I am obsessed, just as she is. Nestor, Che, Miguel; oh, she just will not stop. She continually, incessantly discusses them, not that I mind, of course! So, she made me check in with her yesterday. We had a nice drive up, and a great discussion about The Thirteenth Warrior. But, I am not obsessed, not by any means. I have an interest, a hobby. What's wrong with that?

I have been reading the case histories from the other chicas. Now, THEY are obsessed. Look at Deena, for example. Always singing…it's lovely, but it's the same song, over and over. And JoAnn. This Francisco thing - incredible! Susan and Miguel - you'd think they were an old married couple, the way she talks. However, Chris would have quite a bit to say on that subject…and rightfully so (so would Steph, for that matter). KC and Tony, the tattoos, the hair, the voice (well, she and I are going to have a little TALK about that, and soon!). Constantly going on about him. Oh, and Dawn and Armand and El Mariachi - good grief! These chicas have a LOT of problems.

But I do not have this level of obsession. I have great dreams…wild dreams…but they are dreams, right? What's that? Have I seen all of Antonio's movies? Well, of course I have! Are you nuts? No, I'm sorry, bad choice of words. Yes, I have seen them all, several times. Amazon.com just adores me.

I don't understand why I have to talk to both of you. One would have been more than sufficient. Which one? Er, well…I guess it would have to be…oh, I see what you mean. Kind of come as a set, huh? Can I tell you apart? Well, of course. Bart has the incredible, I mean curly hair and the glasses. Art has the incr…oops, I am overusing that word, sorry, straight hair. Right?? Well, yes you do sound alike. And - huh? Oh, I was just thinking about something, no I don't wish to share it with you! It's part of the therapy? Oh, all right, if you must know I was thinking about eyes. Chocolate colored eyes. Like yours. OK? Why don't you just embarrass the living daylights out of me!

Well, Mr. Dodge and Mr. Dodge, what do you define as an obsession? Hmm? I'm sorry, you are saying you want me to define it for you? Well, I guess an obsession is…something that is constantly in your thoughts. Something that you are always aware of. Like a voice, or, um, certain gestures or phrases. Excuse me? An example of a phrase? Oh gosh, well…"tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk," that's a good one.

No, no, I am not at all distracted. Why would you think that? Oh, because I get a faraway look in my eyes. Well, I can't see them, so I wouldn't know what you are talking about. You want me to continue…OK. Would an obsession be something that you talk about constantly, to your friends? Please don't misunderstand, We talk about other things, honestly, we do! It just that, wow, I never realized…almost every conversation DOES contain something that is Antonio related. Well.

You want to know how I feel about that, Art? I don't know how I feel. Happy, I guess. I've made a lot of good friends by admiring Antonio Banderas. The chicas are really terrific, you know. Oh, you do know…how? You are not at liberty to say? Hmmm.

Who is my favorite character, Bart? That's a tough one…there are several. I really love Tony Ramirez, I think everyone knows that. And Alejandro, oh he is so wonderful. And although I have not actually SEEN the film, well Ahmad is one sexy man, don't you think? You don't? Oh, I see. As men, you prefer the action of the film rather than the sex appeal of the actor. I suppose I can understand that. But I also admire the talent of the actor, so…

Look, Art, Bart, where is this conversation going? As I said, I don't think I have a problem, and I'm not sure I see what benefit this will be to me! Yes, you two are wonderful to look at, and to listen to, although you are not talking much…oh, please could you say that again?? Sigh, just lovely, thank you. What? You, wait, I don't understand…you are saying that I have a severe case of Antonio Banderas obsession? That's impossible…no, no, I can't accept that. It's just not true. I have all the symptoms?

WHAT? I'm supposed admit that looking at you makes my pulse race? And my mind wander? And it happens with every character? Oh, sorry - wow, I am saying that a lot, aren't I? I didn't speak for three whole minutes? No way. You timed me? Oh no! I am so embarrassed. I shouldn't be? It's a good thing, you say? Oh. Gee…this is awful. I think you may be correct gentlemen. I AM obsessed. I never even realized…wh, what can I do? More therapy? With the two of you? Oh, I see. But, couldn't I have a session with Tony? I mean, now that I've taken the first step, I've admitted it, can't I please see him? I CAN?! Oooh…

But I have to also continue with the two of you…OK, I guess that would be a good idea. So, what happens next? Wait, what are you doing? Where are we going? The physical therapy room? Why? I need physical therapy? How physical? Oh…I should close my mouth and breathe? It would be easier if you would both move away a little. You can't? Wait, what are you doing? Art, Bart…oh please, do that again. I think I am going to need LOTS of therapy to cure this little obsession. Thank you so very much…