Welcome to the Antonio Banderas Obsession Rehabilitation Clinic

by Janet

That is what the sign said, as the ambulance attendants carried me in on a stretcher to my new home. I had finally done it, driven myself totally nuts. My family warned me that if I didn't quit spending so much time watching Antonio movies and staring at his pictures, I was gonna slip through to the other side. I loved talking to my chica friends and discussing our daily desires and droolings. Our obsessions with his pictures, kiss stories and web sites had finally gotten to me.

I was struck by lightning, frozen in Antonio Time - the worst of the Antonio ailments to cure. This Antonio Time Syndrome (ATS for short, named for the Chica motto "Anytime is Antonio Time") had been studied for years, but they had never seen a case like this before. Or, should I say cases. I could hear the nurses say as they wheeled me down the corridors,.

"Quick, put her back there with the other ladies who have arrived."

"They call themselves 'chicas,' you know," said the head nurse. "This is the worst outbreak of Antonio Time Syndrome we have seen since the opening of that Desperado movie he made. This facility was nearly full at that time - they were falling like flies. We thought we had them recovered until we heard about this new movie coming out. This '13th Warrior'! What has this man done to them? When they found out that the date had been moved they all went nuts. You can hear their mantra- Warrior…Warrior…Ahmad…Ahmad."

After a day in solitary confinement in a rubber room, and recovering from the drugs they had given me to settle me down, I was ready to begin my therapy.

It was their intention to bring us down slowly, as you would a heroin addict. They made the surroundings familiar to make us feel more at ease.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked.

"We are taking you to your therapy room to have your group session with Dr. Alejandro."

As I entered I saw a familiar face. It was KC! "Oh hi!" We ran to hug each other, each glad to see a face that we recognized.

"Are any of the other chicas here?" I asked.

KC said, "Oh my, yes! You should see it; they heard about us and hunted us down. They said we were creating an overload on the 'Net. They said we were inciting a riot and were fearful of things to come."

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"Shhhhh" she said. "Come with me - I will show you the others."

We started down the hall and the first room we came to was the Assassins room.

"OH LOOK! There's Susan and Chris," I said. There were others but we could not see because they were huddled in a corner.

She said, "Deena joins them sometimes but is normally in with Nestor. Come on, there are more."

We couldn't go in or we would be caught.

"They take Chris and others to visit the Evita room on alternating days; Marabella joins them on those days."

Down the hall we saw JoAnn with Dr. Leal.

"I am with Linda on alternating days, visiting Dr. Tony," KC said.

"I have seen the other girls - Annie, Janessa, Zoe, Debi, Leeanna, Debbie, Nancy, Peggy, Cat, Teresa, Nata, Sally, Sharon, Terri, just to name a few; I know I have missed naming some. All of the Banderas Mall chicas are here too. Come on we had better get back before we are missed. Don't be afraid Chica they are not trying to take him away from us, merely helping us to cope with the obsession."

For lunch they would take us to a central room. It was beautifully decorated with Antonio pictures everywhere. We would have lunch and then we would rest and watch movies for a while.

The private daily sessions I had with Dr. Alejandro made me realize how deep my obsession had become. He helped me to realize that coping with my obsession was something that I could achieve. I could return to my family and friends. He suggested that I watch an Antonio movie everyday, and told me that it was OK to sit on the computer for hours singing Antonio's praises - always keeping that key question in mind: What would Antonio do? I would be able to look at Antonio's pictures and feel a gentle glow and not go in to convulsions and fall out of my chair. I would be able to conduct myself in a lady like manner not thrashing at my clothes at the mere sound of his voice.

I had to trust Dr. Alejandro completely with this idea. He had treated many Chicas before me and they seemed to be doing OK. In the words of my favorite hero, "This is gonna take a lot of work."