Tony R.

By Liz

Shifting my gaze nervously from one anonymous face to the next, terror assaults my mental balance and a mindless, irrational panic grips me. I can almost feel my heart rate increasing, and a single, terrified thought occupies my mind: He is here.

Never one to jump to conclusions, immediately I try to view the situation in a sensible manner, attempt desperately to convince my paranoid brain that the chances of my fears being justified are about one in a million. Still, the havoc that living in constant fear has wreaked on my life allows me no peace. I know that my stalker would not hesitate to kill me if the opportunity arose, and nothing anyone can say or do will convince me otherwise.

This whole nightmare started about a year ago, when I began to take notice of a certain pair of eyes watching me, whenever I would appear in public. At first, I tried to tell myself that it was nothing to worry about, that being suspicious of every stranger whose eyes I happened to catch more than once would do nothing more than drive me insane. I am an actress, after all!! I can hardly make a living in the public eye, and fly off the handle every time a fan's gaze makes me uncomfortable!! But still, as much as I attempted to ignore it in my head, deep down, my gut instincts warned me from the very beginning: Beware…

Roughly three months after the initial sighting of the 'eyes', a series of anonymous threats began appearing in my mail, or a husky, sinister voice would call and threaten me over the telephone. These incidents would leave me shaken and very much afraid, but up until now I had tried my hardest to ignore the problem, despite the fact that the constant fear and anxiety that I carried around with me was turning my life into a living hell.

I often imagine what it would be like to leave America…this place of perpetual disquietude and seemingly eternal distress. To leave!! I can only imagine the joy of being able to go out in public without being mercilessly hounded by the press, or the liberty that most people take for granted of going to bed at night without fearing for their lives…the ineffable bliss of relaxation!! But by far the best thing would be freedom from 'the eyes'…

Trembling, I scan the vast crowd outside of the theater for any sign of my pursuer. Most actors wouldn't consider attending the premiere of their own movie a particularly perilous event, but I had felt that in coming here tonight, I was taking some great risks indeed…

My mind returning to thoughts of paradise once more, I imagine for the millionth time in my life where I would go if the opportunity ever arose. It takes no deep thinking, because the answer is already there~ Paris. To me, the word simply radiates beauty. Something about Paris has called to me since I was a child…perhaps it's the romantic "city of love" image that it carries with it. Whatever it is, I would never hesitate to go there, to the City of Love.

Sighing, I think of the word, 'love', turning it over in my mind, as if just examining the word will bring me somehow closer to the meaning itself. For a long time, I have looked for a man.

Someone protective and caring…but how long have I looked, I remind myself, to still no avail?? Perhaps it just isn't meant to be for me, I think miserably, but it is nearly impossible to completely relinquish my dreams, however hopeless they may seem. So I continue to play my fantasy over and over in my head…I would leave America and all the agony it represents, and travel to France… And perhaps, I think, God would smile down on me, and I would be granted the love I seek along with it…

My eyes fall on those of my stalker. Something in his cool, dangerous stare causes a shudder to pass through my body, and I feel locked in his hypnotic gaze. It is as if time stands still, and I am drawn, most unwillingly, into his world. I am unable to break free of his hold upon me…it is as if I am screaming silently inside, yet am incapable of being heard. This incident is like an alarm going off in my head, alerting me, at last, to the severity of my situation. Slowly it dawns on me that if I don't sever this monster's hold on my life, I will die~ It is as simple as that. The eye contact can not have lasted for more than a few moments, but I feel it burned into my mind for all eternity~ those cold, dark eyes…that cynical, almost mocking expression on his face, already too familiar to me.

Suddenly, another feeling enters my mind, though, replacing the previous sensation of helplessness and panic. Taking leave of my whirling senses once more, I feel strangely calm and unusually strong. Holding my head high as I walk through the multitude of people standing around me, I resolve with every bit of determination I possess not to be beaten, to get help, and to take my life back. My saving grace? A bodyguard…

From the moment he walked into the room a moment ago, I felt safe and protected in his presence. Everything about him emits an intense aura of power. Something about his manner and appearance puts me immediately at ease, and greatly to my surprise, sends a chill of lustful excitement down my spine.

Much to my embarrassment, I can feel my face flushing and my cheeks beginning to grow hot, reflecting the way I feel inside. A roguish smile spreads across his face, giving me the uneasy feeling that beneath that grin, he is well aware of the sudden sexual excitement pulsing through my veins. I have a supposition that the knowledge amuses him, and that very idea causes me to regard him warily.

Finally breaking the awkward stillness in a room that seems to be electrically charged, he extends his big, masculine hand to me. I reach out tentatively at first, and then grasp it confidently, a tingly thrill generating from the spot where his flesh is touching mine. The man's obvious strength, so very nearly overpowering, is quite an alluring quality, I think to myself… So caught up am I in his eyes that I forget to say anything at all. My hand still in his, I look at this man, relishing the breathtaking beauty of him. Though not your typical Prince Charming, he does have a certain appeal…

Standing about a head taller than myself, he is of muscular build, and clad entirely in black. His dark hair is pulled into a ponytail, but a few loose, unruly tendrils have escaped and frame his face…his face!! How can I begin to describe something so exceedingly stunning?? His eyes are of rich amber hue, reminding me of hot espresso, and when he looks at me, I keep getting the oddest sensation that he is gazing into my soul. My eyes travel to his mouth~ full, pouty, and turned up just a bit at one corner, as if in a perpetual smirk.

Almost subconsciously, I find my gaze wandering downward, to his pants. Black like the rest of his clothing, they are stretched tightly around his body, settling and clinging to his…his… My mind jerks back to the present. What in heaven's name am I thinking?! When have I ever stood there and openly gaped at a man's pants…while he is right there in front of me?!

My cheeks burning in embarrassment, I hastily bring my eyes back up to meet his, praying that somehow he has managed to miss the spectacle I have just made of myself. Inwardly I issue myself a sharp reprimand for this unashamed desire that I have just made completely and humiliatingly known.

It doesn't seem to bother him, though, in the least. That dark, mischievous smile of his merely deepens, as if this kind of thing is a regular occurrence for him, as if he takes some kind of perverse pleasure in corrupting the minds of hapless females!!

My thoughts are interrupted, though, when he speaks. Oh, the beauty of his voice!! Low and richly seductive, with a thick Spanish accent, he says: "Seniorita, my name is Tony Ramirez. You ordered a bodyguard, si??"

*****

Our brief meeting over with, I listen intently as his heavy, distinctive footsteps slowly progress further and further away from me down the hall, before disappearing altogether. With one hand instinctively over my suddenly wildly hyperactive heart, I sink to the ground and try to collect my hopelessly muddled thoughts. It is so unlike me to go crazy over a man like this, I think as my heart rate gradually slows to a normal speed and the tremors in my hands subside. Never have I felt this way before, though!! This agitated, feverish feeling that fills my head with thoughts of passion and causes my body to ache with primitive yearning and desire…Oh, Tony…

Once again I pull myself back into the bewildered present, forcing rational thoughts to process themselves in my head. This is going to stop this instant!! My God, this is a professional relationship, nothing more. I have merely hired this man as a bodyguard, to protect me from the stalker and to put my mind at ease… It is merely a professional relationship…merely a professional relationship…

Just repeating this sane idea over and over in my mind helps me get a grasp back on reality. I have easily overcome that absurd longing!! Whatever provoked it in the first place is completely beyond my comprehension. I know plenty of young, eligible Hollywood bachelors that I encounter every single day, and not one of them has caused that kind of response within me; why this man??

Returning to my mantra of the moment, I continue my silent chant… Simply a professional relationship…simply a professional relationship…simply a professional relationship…so why do I still want him so badly?!

As I prepare for bed, an old, chronic fear, provoked by the darkness of night and my frightening solitude, begins to set in. It has been months since I have been able to truly enjoy myself without constantly imagining the 'eyes', concealed somewhere within the Cimmerian shadows, watching my every movement… Just thinking this makes me shudder involuntarily.

Walking by the dresser, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and am thoroughly startled by what I see. Since when did I look like that?? Could this haggard creature staring through the glass possibly be me?? Leaning close to my reflection, I examine dark under-eye circles, each a grim testimony to my habitual stress and fear. My skin is gaunt and even paler than usual, bordering, I observe with horror, a sickly translucence. I notice a pointed collarbone and shoulders, making my significant weight loss in the previous months evident.

All in all, it is a ghastly effect. It really was a necessity that I found help, I think to myself. This whole issue was taking quite a toll on me, mentally and physically. An undeniable requisite that I found help…that I found Tony. His name brings an unexpected smile to my face, and the knowledge that he is now living directly beside my house~ close enough to come to my rescue at a moment's notice, should I need him~ causes a comfortable tepidity to take the place of tension in my rigid body.

With the newly born image of his nearness in my mind, I practically float through the rest of my bedtime procedure, washing my face with hands just a little steadier than usual, and slipping into a lacy, amatory little negligee that I haven't worn in years. 'I have no reason to dress like this…as if I am preparing for some kind of passionate lovers' affair!!', I giggle to myself, and I thank God, as I drift peacefully off to sleep, for my protector…even if he has no idea what his mere presence has done to unburden my life…

Seized by a sudden, indescribable panic, I bolt upright in bed, shaking uncontrollably and drenched in sweat. Tears stream down my face, and my mind, mercilessly clubbed by terror, is numb and paralyzed.

I grab the phone from my bedside table and pound on the numbers with clumsy fingers until I hear the sound of ringing. A low-pitched, familiar voice penetrates my mind's dull stupor and I scream his name before breaking down in hoarse, demented sobs. In words barely recognizable as the English language, I cry something incoherent about eyes…watching me…and noises outside my window.

I know I must sound like a perfect lunatic, but he regards me as if he has every reason to believe I am in grave danger, and assures me that he is coming right over. Sure enough, in less than five minutes, Tony appears at my door, and to my relief, I see a gun in his hand. I attempt to stand, but my shaking legs refuse to support me and I collapse back onto the bed. Casting me a hasty, yet solacing look, he places a big hand on my shoulder and tells me to wait here, that he will go and look around.

I do as he bids and listen absorbedly as he prowls around outside my house. After some time, Tony appears in my room once again, dampened by sweat from his frantic search; an untamed, wild look still present in his eyes. Out of breath, he reports his findings to me, and I cling to his words as if they are my hope of life.

"There is no one out there", he says calmly, but reading the persistent distress in my eyes, moves closer to me and adds, "You are safe…quite safe." Something in my face must betray my relentless unease, though, for he sits down on the bed beside me and takes my trembling hands in his.

A sincerely worried look troubling his handsome features, he asks quietly, "You really are very afraid, aren't you, Seniorita??" and almost without my noticing, begins to stroke my hand. "Yes", I reply, trying to ignore the answering pulses all over my body that are responding to his touch.

There is a full beat of silence, in which we both seem absorbed in our own thoughts. Is it my imagination, or has the gentle hand rubbing progressed into something that feels more like a lover's caress??

At length, he looks up and hesitates a moment before asking softly, "Would you like me to stay with you for a while??"

Before my mind has a chance to wonder if he is overstepping his boundaries at all, I respond timidly that I would appreciate that very much. Inside, that familiar tingle that I have experienced so frequently since meeting him, begins traveling down my spine once again. A loud crash coming from the window makes us both jump, and I instantly resume my nervous panicking while Tony dashes to the window to defend me from whatever danger has arisen. Coming back over to the bed, a slight smile on his face, he says, "Do not worry, Seniorita…", and sitting down beside me once more, assures me in an ironic little voice, "It is a storm." I feel relieved, and an indescribable emotion washes over me. Suddenly, all I want is to be near him, my noble protector… and before I know what has happened, I have laid my head down on his shoulder.

His body warm and strong, I feel an ease and perfect comfort unknown to me before this blessed moment. I savor the smell of him…manly and desirable, with just a hint of the leather he is wearing…and I want nothing more than to stay like this, so close to him, forever and ever. "Tony", I whisper tremulously…

A sudden movement taking place, I find that my head is no longer on Tony's shoulder, but in his hands. His lips, burning as if they are on fire, are covering mine, and the brutal force with which he kisses me makes my head spin. I feel as if I am drowning in his overpowering potency, and I seem to have less and less control of the situation as our kiss progresses. Surrendering myself slowly to him, I suddenly feel a tremendous force on top of me, and I find myself lying on my back on the bed, looking straight into Tony's eyes, the contact between our mouths never breaking. I taste his tongue as it encounters mine, and notice now that he is pinning my arms to the bed, above my head, rendering me quite defenseless. The thought thrills me as much as it terrifies me…

My clothes are torn from my body before I have time to scream, but something in the unrestrained, passionate look in Tony's eyes silences me anyway. Sensation fills my entire being as his mouth explores my bare skin, and I find myself reaching blindly out into the darkness, groping for something stable to grasp in a world that seems delusional.

Growing more brutal and tempestuous as our passion escalates, Tony dominates completely, and the small amount of struggling on my part is in vain; there is absolutely nothing I can do to prevent him from having his way.

At length, out of resignation and fatigue, I fully succumb to my seducer, and Tony continues to electrify my body until my world narrows to pure ecstasy. Two bodies joined as one…the most intimate act on earth…enraptured lovers reduced to tangled silhouettes in the moonlight…

***

A noise outside rouses me from my sleep, but much to the contrary of my nervous disposition, I ignore it, choosing instead to savor the blessed contentment that enfolds me like a warm blanket. I relish the comfort of Tony's buff arms around me, the heat that he exudes, keeping me warm even though the night is cold…the feeling of his bare body against mine, his steady breathing, and the rhythmic beating of his heart as I listen to it pound through the muscular chest on which I lay my head.

Tony awakens and gives me a slow, tender kiss on the lips. "Lizetta", he purrs affectionately, and I wonder for a moment about the sudden change in my title. I judge from his gentility that he is still half-asleep, basking in the intoxicated slumber that sexual fulfillment brings. Snuggling up against him for warmth, I drift back off to sleep, feeling protected and loved in his embrace. Somehow my mind manages to disregard completely the ever-increasing noises at the window…

Bolting out of bed, Tony is up in a flash, alerted by the din of a window being smashed in the next room. I hastily cover myself with a rumpled sheet from the bed, and notice suddenly with horror that Tony is running naked, towards the next room, completely neglecting clothing in his panic!! Grabbing his arm, I help him into his pants, zipping them up carefully while he watches me with an impish, naughty grin.

Everything is serious again, though, as he rushes down the hallway in search of the trouble. I hear a gunshot and begin to panic. "Lizetta", Tony yells, "I mean~ Elizabeth!!" I note sadly that turning professional again, he has dropped the pet name he was murmuring in bed just a while ago.

"Elizabeth, Seniorita, you must get out of here!!" Another gunshot is fired, and my body flies into shock, resuming all its old habits. Hands shaking, I throw on the nearest piece of clothing, which happens to be nothing more than a silk robe, utterly ridiculous and impractical for the task which lies ahead.

Tony runs into my room once again and grabs me by the wrist. "Seniorita", he pants, gesturing frantically with his free hand. My heart leaps into my throat as thoughts of fear, returning from their brief vacation away from my brain, leap into my head and begin attacking full-force.

"We must get out now", Tony says in jumbled speech, sounding as if he might lapse into Spanish at any moment. "You are in great danger….there is a bomb…" My eyes widen in terror and my knees weaken. Terrified I am about to pass out, I reach out to Antonio in an attempt to steady myself. He is a step ahead of me, though, and is already hoisting me up into his arms.

Carrying my rigid, trembling body to the window, he looks over into the edge, but only contemplates the risks for a moment before extending a hand to grasp a piece of the ledge that is extending out. I have no idea how on earth he manages, but he helps me onto his back, whispers in my ear for me to hold on tight to his shoulders, and in a single leap, we are in the tree, about two feet below my bedroom window.

Tony doesn't stop for a minute, though, and is immediately looking for the next way down. A series of seemingly death-defying jumps and leaps deliver us (safely!!) to the ground. Tony doesn't even set me down, but hits the ground running…literally.

Naturally, I expect that we are heading for my car, but Tony passes it and to my surprise, sets me down on the seat of a shiny, red motorcycle!! While fastening a helmet onto my head, Tony recaptures that sweet, yet dangerous grin that he gave me earlier on and to my surprise, tingly chills of desire race through my body in addition to the ones produced by the cold weather.

Climbing on the motorcycle in back of me, Tony wraps his arms around my waist and before long, we are flying through the streets on a vehicle that seems like any minute it will send us falling to our death. It is exhilarating!! I breathe in the fresh air and watch as a beautiful sunrise is painted across the morning sky. I feel his tight body against me, every muscle tensed, and he suddenly yells, "Where to, Seniorita??"

Screaming to make myself heard above the roar of the motorcycle, I reply, "Tony, Chico, I have always heard Paris is nice…"