By JoAnn

I looked up and saw him going past me, as he slowly ascended like a condor in the Andes. It was Tony Ramirez again, all dressed in black as he sat astride his motorcycle, riding the cage elevator up to his apartment above the textile mill where I worked as a secretary to Carlos Lopez, the owner of the building. Mr. Lopez and Tony had formed a fast friendship since meeting at the carnival across the street last month. Both from Puerto Rico, they had an instant affiliation for each other, and I knew Mr. Lopez considered Tony to be like a son to him. When he found out Tony was living at the local Motel 6, he insisted Tony take the empty apartment above the mill. Tony had been living there for three weeks now, and it was my daily treat to see him descend and ascend in that elevator, morning and afternoon. He always smiled at me and waved, when he rode past my desk to and from his apartment, or came down to visit Mr. Lopez in his office. I was mesmerized, whenever he appeared. The motorcycle, the long black curls tied back in a ponytail, the fascinating tatoos that I didn’t have the courage to ask about, the muscles bulging in his arms as he held onto the handlebars of his bike…it was all fascinating to me. Most of all, the way he sat astride the motorcycle, like a modern day knight on his faithful black steed. It was enough to make me dream about him at night, and daydream about him during the day. But all we had ever done was smile and wave. Until one day, Mr. Lopez asked me for a favor.

“Samantha, take this up to Senor Ramirez, por favor,” Mr. Lopez said, wiping his brow with a handkerchief. The mill was always hot, so Mr. Lopez allowed me to wear casual sundresses to work, in order to survive the heat, even in the winter. I looked up at him suddenly, my brown curls swirling around my bare shoulders. “Uh…take what to who?” I managed to get out, pretending that I didn’t know. Mr. Lopez wanted me to take something to Tony? To his apartment? To the forbidden zone? I thought I might faint. Just the idea of being in his abode made my goosebumps perk up with a delicious chill.

“Si…I told him that I would send him the food my Tia makes, just like from home! She brought it by today, but I have to work on these damned taxes…I want him to have it while it is hot, do you mind?” Mr. Lopez held out a tray filled with steaming covered dishes, but my nerves were too tightly strung to even feel my mouth water. “No, I don’t mind at all,” I said, taking the tray from Mr. Lopez. I watched as he turned and walked back into his office, closing the door behind him. I stood there a moment, looking at the tray, trying to pull my jangling nerves into place. It’s only Tony, he’s just a friend of Mr. Lopez’s, you’ll just drop off the food and leave, no big deal, I coached myself. I knew it wasn’t working. My stomach was doing flip flops just walking to the elevator. I hit the “up” button with my elbow and waited as the elevator slowly cranked its way to our floor. I shoved open the door with my rear and backed into the elevator, and with one last deep breath, hit the “up” button again…and ascended to the lair of the man I secretly admired…and desired.

The elevator stopped at the last floor…Tony’s apartment. I peered inside, and all was still. Perhaps he wasn’t even home. Did he leave on foot down the back stairs, I wondered? I looked around, and decided to leave the tray in his refrigerator, so he could eat the food when he got home. I shoved open the elevator with my elbow and entered Tony’s apartment. He had done a lot with it. It was lovely, masculine, and unique. The last time I had seen it, it was a trashy mess. This man has ingenuity, I thought to myself, trying to remember which way the kitchen was. I decided it was to the rear of the apartment, and headed that direction. I passed his bedroom, and I couldn’t resist stopping to look. He had converted a holding area for completed textiles into a bedroom that made my every fantasy stand up and take notice. The entire area was caged in, with his bed in the middle, and a high, curtain-less window above the bed. It looked guaranteed to let in sufficient sunlight…or moonlight. The entire scene brought up thoughts I knew I had no business thinking in regards to him, so I left and went to the kitchen area. It was there that I saw him.

He had his back to me, standing there, dripping on the floor, with only a slightly sopping towel around his waist. I could not move, only look…and I couldn’t stop looking. His black hair was loose, curling dark and slick down the curve of his broad upper back, and the towel was slung low on his slim hips, as if he didn’t care whether if it fell off or not. I felt frozen, my mouth hanging open a little, probably from both shock and pleasure. I wasn’t sure which emotion ruled the day. I suppose I finally made some sort of sound, because he turned at that moment, a Coca-Cola bottle in his hand, and his face suddenly brightened into a wide smile.

“Samantha, guapita! I always wondered what I would have to do to get you into my apartment…and now here you are,” he said, smiling a teasing grin. I stood there, totally senseless and dumbfounded…I didn’t even know he knew my name. But, of course, my boss probably told him about me, it was natural, I thought. I continued to stand there with the tray, the tops of the dishes chattering a bit as my hands shook.

“What do you have for me there, chica…something good?” Tony asked, setting down the bottle and lifting the tray from my frozen fingers. He set it on the counter and lifted one of the lids, breathing in deeply the delicious aroma. “Ah…I see Tia Veronica has been at work for Carlos, and I have benefited…ah, plantains, my favorite.” He looked up at me at that moment, his eyes seeming to be playing with me, like a cat with a mouse. I felt unnerved, but also aroused.

“Yes, Mr. Lopez asked me to bring this to you,” I said, finally finding my voice. Tony grinned again. “I thank him then, for the food…and for sending you, to bring it to me,” he said, putting the lid back on the dish and coming around the counter to stand in front of me. He casually put his hand on one hip, which was barely hanging the towel, and placed his other hand on the counter next to where I stood. I felt like a moth drawn to the flame, and realized he was not just a flame, he was an inferno. His physical presence was overpowering. I stood my ground, determined not to show nervousness or embarrassment. I had the sense he was playing with me, to see what I would do.

“You do have interesting choices in apparel,” I said, not risking a glance down at the towel around his hips. He smiled and moved closer, saying in a low voice, “Oh, this? I just put it on when I am hoping that…alluring company decides to drop by.” His eyes swept over my face, assessing me, and I felt his gaze like a physical touch. I swallowed hard, suddenly sorry I had begun to rise to his challenge. I was way out of my league. “Well,” I said, smiling the best false smile I could dredge up, “I need to get back to work.” I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm, turning me gently back to face him. All playfulness was gone from his face, and he smiled genuinely.

“Samantha…I was teasing. I am glad to at last meet you, though. I have watched you every day, and wished I could speak with you. Get to know you. Would you like to come over tonight and help me eat all this food? Tia Veronica must think I live with an army, there is so much. It will not be as good if it is left over…would you return tonight, and share it with me?” He looked into my eyes, his expression so sincere, and I felt no power to tell him no. And I knew I wanted to say yes.

“All right, Tony,” I said, nodding when he asked if eight o’clock would be all right.

“I’ll look forward to seeing you,” he said, almost purring in his deep, hypnotically accented voice. He laid his hand on my arm, and then bent forward, to give me a simple kiss on the cheek. I could feel his warm breath as his lips gently touched my skin…a light, feathery kiss that was more like tasting than kissing. I felt my blood slow its course through my veins, as the heat from my cheek seemed to spread all over my body. Tony lifted his head, and his eyes were dark, as if questioning what had just happened. “Samantha,“ he said, brushing my face with the back of his hand. “I will be waiting for you…and anticipating finding out much more about you, hermosa.” I swallowed and backed away, needing space from his physical aura so I could think. I realized that what I had just agreed to would be much more than just a shared meal. I also realized there was nothing else on earth that I wanted more than to be in his apartment tonight…and find out about him, in every way.

Later that night, I found myself in front of the mirror in my bathroom, fussing with my appearance in a way I never had before. I wanted to look just right. For the first time, I wore the black lace undergarments I had bought once from Victoria’s Secret, mostly on a lark, and then guiltily stashed away, embarrassed I had spent so much money on something that only I would see. It had been a long time since I had had a boyfriend, much less had any…physical closeness. It certainly appeared Tony was open to the idea of that with me. It was I who was not sure I could open myself that way to a man again. My nerves were absolutely shot, and thoughts of calling him and begging off, with a sudden headache or an unforeseeable emergency, crossed my mind, but I knew that was the coward’s way out. I also knew that this was a once in a lifetime chance for me, to take a walk on the wild side…and I was going to follow it through to the end. Men like Tony were not exactly a dime a dozen, and for a man like Tony to have even noticed me at all…well, it was more than I could dream of. “I hope I don’t disappoint him”, I thought, looking at myself in the mirror and checking the back of my dress. The wine colored velvet dress fit me like a dream, now that I had lost weight, and just wearing it made me feel beautiful…even if I was the embodiment of average, in my view. But even average women can be exciting, I told myself, and I smiled into the mirror. Now, to make myself believe it.

At eight o’clock, I found myself riding the elevator up to Tony’s apartment. The need to faint, or just throw up, was strong, I was so nervous. I took a few deep breaths and tried to think of something sedate and boring, like algebraic equations, or… The elevator stopped at Tony’s floor, and I heard him unlock the outer door. I held my breath, feeling lightheaded. Slowly, the outer door opened, and there he stood…in jeans and a casual, sleeveless red sweatshirt, his hair tied back in the familiar ponytail, with a smile on his face so inviting, I felt all my fears vanish. This was Tony. He was not a god, or a demon, or a knight on a shining steed. He was a man…and he was smiling at me. I felt myself smile in return, and when he opened the gate of the elevator and offered his hand to me, I gladly took it. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it gallantly, in the European style. I felt instantly at ease.

“You are here, guapita…are you hungry?” he asked, and I nodded. He took my coat and purse and tossed them onto an old blue couch, and then led me to the kitchen. “I hope you are not insulted to have to eat in the kitchen, Samantha…but it is the only place to sit and eat in the apartment!” The kitchen had been cleaned up, and a pale blue tablecloth covered the old wooden table in the center of the room. The table fairly groaned with all the dishes Tia Veronica had sent him, along with an expensive bottle of Latash sitting opened next to two wineglasses at the side of the table. A red rose in a fluted vase was placed at the center of the table, and the effort he had put out to make things look lovely made me feel special. He pulled out my chair for me, and I sat down, overwhelmed at the aromas all around me…hot, spicy, and so good. Sort of like Tony, I thought to myself, and I smiled at my scandalous thought. Tony looked at me curiously, but did not ask, he only went to his side of the table next to me and sat down. “Now, we must eat, verdad? And you will tell me your life story, and I will tell you mine, si?” I laughed and agreed, and before we knew it, two hours passed between us, as we regaled each other with tales from our childhoods and the small adventures we had experienced (he had experienced a lot more than I had, but I still had my own little stories to share.). I found out that not only was Tony a private investigator, but that he was in town to start a very important case, which he could not tell me about, but that would start soon. He had just completed the preliminary background investigation, but had not approached his subject yet. I asked him to please be careful, Mr. Lopez would die if anything happened to him, he loved him so. Tony smiled and reached across the table, taking my hand.

“And you, Samantha…would you miss me if something happened to me?” I looked down, embarrassed by his question. But I decided to be truthful. “Yes, Tony,” I said seriously, “I would miss you, very much.”

“Then, I will have to take special care, because I would not want to cause a moment’s concern to cross your lovely brow,” he whispered, and leaned forward to kiss my forehead lightly. The simple sweetness of his gesture touched my heart to the core. I could picture myself very easily falling in love with this man, and the idea frightened me a little. I smiled and stood up, suddenly needing something to do. “I guess I had better clean up these dishes, or you will have a real mess on your hands,” I said, my voice just a touch too bright. He raised one eyebrow, but watched as I took the dishes to the sink and began to run the hot water. I closed my eyes a moment and took a deep breath, glad for the moment of aloneness inside my own mind as I waited for the water to get hot. I knew from experience that it would take a while, in this building. I stood there, letting the water run over my hand, when I heard him push his chair away from the table. I could sense his presence, rather than see or hear it…I could feel he was coming near me. He came to stand behind me, just a few inches from my body, and the heat that he seemed to radiate swept over me like a flood. I closed my eyes again, unable to move. I could feel his breath stirring the hairs at the nape of my neck, and I felt his hands come up to unpin my chignon, letting the curls fall into his hands like a wave. He spread his fingers in my hair, as if enjoying the feel of it in his hands, and then he swept it over to one side, over my left shoulder. Slowly, he bent low and placed a kiss on the side of my neck, beneath my ear, and I could not stop the shiver that shook me at his touch. He seemed encouraged by that. He nuzzled his face against my neck lightly, kissing as he went, licking where his teeth nipped playfully. I felt like melting, but then the hot water hit my hand, and I gasped, pulling it quickly out of the stream.

“Did you scald yourself, Samantha?” he asked, turning off the water and lifting my wet hand up for inspection. “No, I’m…all right,” I said, unable to speak above a whisper, my senses so involved in the feel of him behind me. “Good,” he said, and he lifted my hand to his lips, kissing my fingertips, as he sucked each one slightly into his mouth with each kiss. I had never felt anything so arousing in my life. He took my hand and gently pulled it, placing it behind his neck, and then let his hand slide smoothly and agonizingly slowly down my arm, lower and lower, until he reached the curve of my breast. He lightly caressed it, teasing the raised nipple beneath the velvet, and I moaned at the pleasure that shot through my body. His breath sounded ragged in my ear as he whispered, “Samantha…I have wanted you from the first moment I saw you, sitting outside Carlos’ office, in that white sundress with the thin straps, that drives me wild every time I see you in it, I…” He paused and turned me towards him, looking into my eyes. “Do you feel the same desire for me, querida?” he whispered. “Tell me if you do not, and I will say no more.” I looked up at him and put my arms around his neck. “Yes…I want you, Tony,” I said simply. He smiled, and put his arms around my waist, lifting me up off my feet as he kissed me, carrying me out of the kitchen and across the living room. At the opening of his bedroom, he stopped, setting me on my feet. “I will not do anything you do not want, mi amor…I want you to know that I care for you, and have always cared for you, ever since Carlos told me about the wonder woman who makes his life so much easier.” He smiled, and I was glad for the moment to catch my breath. “Wonder woman, hm? I have never thought of myself like that,” I said, spreading my hands on Tony’s chest, enjoying the firmness beneath my fingertips.

“You should, querida…you are my wonder woman, right now,” Tony said, and he bent down again to capture my lips in a kiss that made my head swim. I threw my arms around him and pulled back my head, my breath panting now, as I said, “I want this, Tony…and I want you. Make love to me…please.” He growled low in his throat as he heard me say these words, and lifted me up into his arms, carrying me to the bed. He gently lay me down on the low bed, and then stood over me, watching me, his amber eyes with no more questions in them, only desire. He seemed like the ultimate male at that moment, virile, sure of himself, powerful, and I could not take my eyes from him. He reached down and pulled the sweatshirt over his head, and I was fascinated by the play of the muscles in his chest and abdomen, covered with a thatch of curling black hair that narrowed into a tiny line, disappearing into the waistband of his jeans. I was sure I had never seen anything more beautiful than Tony, as he was right now, in my entire life. He smiled and knelt down on the bed, straddling my hips, and leaned down to kiss me, as his fingers began to undo the velvet buttons down the front of my dress. I ran my hands up his arms, returning his kiss with all the desire I felt coursing through me. He moved the velvet aside, and drew back, smiling as he took in the view of my black lace bra and panties. “For me?” he whispered playfully. I felt my courage rise in the power of his desire for me. “No,” I said, looking up at him. “For me.” He laughed and pulled me into his arms, rolling over onto his back so I lay on top of him. “That’s what I want to hear,” he said, pulling the dress off my shoulders and tossing it across the room. “I want you to want me, to want this, as much as I want you.” He rolled again, pinning me under him, as he took my mouth with his, plunging his tongue inside, to caress and arouse me. The feel of his weight on my body was glorious, and I put my hands behind him to grasp at his buttocks, still encased in the tight blue jeans. He moaned and pulled away from me, then stood quickly, and I could hear the erotic sound of the zipper being pulled down. Then he was back, laying the length of his body on mine, and I pushed my hips up against him in response. He growled low again, as he undid the front closure of my lacy bra and pushed it aside, kissing and licking and sucking and caressing, until I thought I would go mad from the pleasure he was giving me. I moaned and cried out his name as he continued, his hands never stopping their delicious travel over my sensitive skin. He lifted my hips and stripped the little silk cloth of my panties from me, and then looked into my eyes, whispering something in Spanish that I did not fully understand, but knew instinctively was beautiful and full of love. He bent his head and kissed me, and in that moment, lifted my hips to him, and in a thrust that made me gasp with pleasure, joined us completely together. Immediately I felt heat, fire, light, seem to rush through my veins, and we began to move together, moaning our pleasure into each other’s mouths as we kissed. He pulled back from me and said in a rough voice, “Look at me, querida…I want you to see me, I want to see you…you are mine, mine…” He raised himself onto his arms, and continued to thrust as I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly, panting and crying out his name, unable to take my eyes from his as we both began to ascend to the heights. Like the condor I often compared him to, we flew to the top of the Andes together, free and powerful. I gripped his arms hard as my climax began to crest, and I could tell by his face that he was holding back, making it wonderful for me before he sought his own release. I threw my head back against the pillow as I felt the passion shake me to the core, and I heard him cry out my name as he allowed himself his own release. Just the sound of his groans thrilled me. I drew his shaky body down onto mine, whispering his name as he tried to catch his breath. He kissed my neck, my cheeks, my temples, again hoarsely whispering love words in Spanish. We lay like that a long time, not bearing to part from each other, as the moonlight flooded in from the window over our heads. It was the most beautiful moment I had ever experienced. I knew that nothing in the rest of my life would ever compare to it.

I saw Tony several times after that, always late at night at my apartment, no longer at his. He said he was starting his investigation by approaching the subject, and he did not want me to come by his apartment at night anymore. I understood, but I felt afraid for him. One night I stayed late working, and I looked up and saw a blonde-haired woman riding the elevator to Tony’s apartment. My jealousy fired up suddenly, and I was angry. I didn’t answer Tony’s phone calls, and when he came to my desk, I told him I had work to do. But Tony was not one to be put off. He finally cornered me after work one night in the parking lot, and told me in detail what he was doing on his case, and who the blonde-haired woman really was…the subject of his investigation. I was ashamed that I had treated him so badly. He spent all night that night at my apartment. That was the night he told me he loved me. But after that, I didn’t see him return to his apartment very often. If he did return, he came up by the back stairs. Mr. Lopez worried that Tony was involved in something that was over his head, but we both agreed he could handle whatever happened. I spent my nights longing for him, and praying he was all right.

One day, a man called, asking for Mr. Lopez in a very official sounding voice. I patched the call through and turned in my seat to look into his office. I could sense something was very wrong, I didn’t know why. Suddenly I saw Mr. Lopez fall into his chair and burst into tears. I rushed into the office and put my arms around him, all employee/employer formality gone between us.

“Carlos, Carlos, tell me what has happened,” I said, hugging the elder man. He sobbed and muttered something in Spanish. All I could make out was, “Es muerte, mi hijo, es muerte, es muerte…” I knew enough elementary Spanish to know what he was saying. My son is dead. I pulled back, icy fear going down my back. Carlos had no sons…only Tony. I had to make sure. “Carlos, listen to me…are you saying Tony is dead?” I said, my voice rising with alarm. He nodded shakily, and I fell to my knees beside his chair, crying out and hugging myself in grief. He took me into his arms, and we cried there, as more employees poured into the office to hear the shocking news. It was surreal, horrific, and I wanted to die, along with Tony. But I could only weep.

Within a few hours, the news of Tony’s murder filled the news. Carlos and I read the newspapers and saw the news reports, and knew they were all lies. The reports stated Tony had murdered a man, and that a woman had shot him in self-defense. I knew Tony would not shoot anyone except in self-defense, or in the defense of another. He certainly was not stalking anyone or harassing, as the paper said he was accused of doing. I knew something was terribly wrong. Then I saw a picture of the “poor victim.” It was the blonde-haired woman he was investigating. I drew back in shock. This made no sense. But I knew I had to tell all I knew to the police. At first they did not want to listen to me, they already had the case all wrapped up, and the officers I spoke with seemed to be blinded by the beauty and seeming innocence of the woman, named Sarah Taylor. They were not interested in hearing otherwise. I fought in vain for several weeks to get someone, anyone to listen to me. I finally found that person in Detective Joseph O’Leary. He had felt for some time that something in this case did not ring true. With all the information I gave him, which Tony had providentially given to me, he investigated Sarah Taylor. By the end of the year, murder charges were brought against her for the murder of Tony Ramirez.

That’s why I am sitting here today, at her parole hearing, making sure she rots in jail forever. My husband, Captain Joseph O’Leary, sits beside me, with the same goal. We have assured, through our testimony, that Sarah has missed parole now for over 25 years, and we will continue to make sure she never gets out, for as long as we live. We owe that to Tony, and to his memory. I tapped my foot, waiting for the parole board to reach their decision. Sarah looked at me, her cold blue eyes sweeping over me contemptuously. I smiled at her, as I always did, and she turned from me, disgusted at my lack of fear of her. I felt sorry for her mental illness, but I did not regret keeping her out of society for the rest of her life, for the murder of Tony. She deserved much worse for that, but this was sufficient. We sat waiting, and at last the chairman of the parole board looked up, signaling they had reached their decision. Joseph took my hand, and squeezed it tight.

Parole denied.

Justice reigned.

We stopped at the church on way home from the prison, as was our habit. Joseph and I knelt in the rear pew, after lighting a single candle for Tony. Eternal rest, grant him, O Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon him, we prayed together, our voices echoing in the empty church. I knew somehow, somewhere…Tony was at peace.

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