Cave Therapy

By JoAnn

"Ow! Dammit!"

"Are you all right, JoAnn?" "Yes," I growled, wondering what the hell I was doing crawling down some God-forsaken hole with my employer, Dr. Francisco Leal. I was supposed to be back at the office, transcribing his notes, not lugging a pack down some crevice. I don't even know why he asked me to come with him. I'm worthless when it comes to physical labor. I'll be doing good just to be able to crawl out of this mess I've gotten myself into…that is, if he doesn't end up having to drag my carcass out of here on his back. It would serve him right, I thought bitterly.

If I were more honest, I would admit that one of the reasons for my very bad mood is the prospect of being in close proximity with Dr. Leal for such a long period of time. He makes me so nervous, even though I've become an expert at hiding it. When he comes near me, it's as if some force of nature arrives with him, throwing my equilibrium completely out of whack. All I can feel is his presence, his maleness filling up the space around me and crackling with an energy that's nearly tangible. I'm almost grateful when he leaves, when he goes back into his office and leaves me alone. I know he's had other women…many women. I've seen them all come and go, as they bask in the warmth of his sunshine and then leave once their day together is over. I'm there for him when night falls, when he's lonely and there's no one to talk to, no one to go out to dinner with, no one to fill his heart. I've never minded. I've told myself a million times he's just my employer, just my friend.

But I've lied, every time I've said that.

"JoAnn, pass me the flashlight, si?"

My head snapped up at his voice, and I struggled to pull the pack over the last rock. It landed with a metallic thud at my feet. I looked up at Dr. Leal, hoping he wouldn't be too angry with me. No telling what I just broke in that duffle bag.

"Hmm…tell me that wasn't the flashlight," he said, walking back to where I sat digging in the bag like a dog in search of its bone. My fingers curled around the flashlight and I pulled it out of the pack triumphantly. The little wires that held the light together dangled from the end like red and blue spaghetti.

Dr. Leal smiled and patted his own backpack. "Good thing I have a spare. At least we can use your batteries when mine wear out."

Story of my life with you, I thought sullenly. Memories of my southern mama telling me, "Well, you're just too mean to live today, Jojo!" echoed through my mind. I have to try to have a better attitude about all this, I vowed. I looked up at Dr. Leal and tried to return his smile.

"Things will work out. They always do around you," I said, as he offered me his hand to help me up. His touch sent shivers of delight up my spine, and I suddenly wanted to go home and lock myself in my room, watching Antonio Banderas videos and trying to forget that Dr. Francisco Leal ever existed. Something I did quite frequently, actually.

"I hope so, JoAnn. Actually, it was something you said once that made me think of offering Cave Therapy to my patients."

"Cave Therapy? Is that what you're going to call it?"

"Yes," he replied, his eyes lighting up as they always did when he spoke of his work. His love for his patients never failed to move me. It was one of the reasons why I…why I…oh good grief, go ahead and say it, Jojo…one of the reasons why I loved this man so much. The straightforward admittance of my true feelings for him froze the blood in my veins. I lowered my head as hot tears suddenly rushed to my eyes. Stifling a sob, I tried to breathe deeply to cover my reaction. Oh, I did love him. I'd loved him from the first moment we'd met. I knew he didn't love me. I was simply JoAnn to him, secretary extraordinaire. Is there anything worse than loving someone who sees you as useful, industrious and smart…but not as a flesh and blood, passionate woman? I didn't think so. The pain I had endured all these years was becoming intolerable. How much more could I take? Maybe I should render my resignation, go home to America, leave Chile, leave my apartment, leave my friends, leave…leave the man I would always love, to the end of my days.

Dr. Leal seemed oblivious to my thoughts. He continued on, unabated. "You mentioned once that you wished some of the patients could return to the womb and be able to start life over again. I began to think…what if we could reproduce that experience in some way? What if we could almost descend back into the womb, and through the struggles of both going in and coming out, we could use that to help some of our patients understand the struggle they must undertake to overcome their own obstacles? It's a wonderful idea, JoAnn. But you always do come up with such good inspirations for me."

"I do?" I asked, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my coat and following behind him as we walked. The cave wasn't dripping wet and dank, as I had expected, but only slightly moist and cool, like the air just after a spring shower. I liked it, and I finally began to relax. Dr. Leal switched on his flashlight as he led the way deeper into the cave. I trudged along behind him, my eyes wide as the sounds of the cave began to grow in volume. I heard the sound of water, coming from somewhere in the darkness…not trickling, but gushing water, like from an underground stream or even a waterfall.

"Let's follow that sound," I offered, my curiosity overriding my sorrows. I consoled myself with the thought that I could at least have this day with him, with no patients, no friends, no family members, no Father Jose hanging around to joke with us. Just he and I, together. It was something I could treasure and hide away in my heart, to be taken out and embraced when I was alone and this day was long past.

"I'm game if you are," he said, reaching back to take my hand as we entered a narrow passageway. I knew it was only to keep me from getting lost that he was holding my hand. But I entwined my fingers in his and held on tight, shamelessly taking my pleasure in whatever way I could. His hand was strong and firm, and he wrapped his fingers around mine tightly as he looked back, flashing me a smile that took my breath away. I was grateful for the semi-darkness. I could feel the heat of my reaction to him rushing to my cheeks. Oh God, if only he loved me, I thought, swallowing down a lump in my throat.

"Look," he whispered, with a touch of awe in his voice. At the base of the cave flowed a river, fed by a spectacular waterfall that fell from somewhere at the top of the cave, beyond our sight. It was beautiful, almost primeval in its perfection. A single shaft of sunlight, from a hole in the far side of the cavern, flooded the room with a shimmering light. It was like a dream, untouched by man.

"Did you know this was here?" I asked. He shook his head, not taking his eyes from the view. He loved beauty, poetry, music, and above all, truth. I knew the sight of what was before us was moving him in a way that few would understand. We sat quietly for a few moments, simply taking it all in. The reverence in his expression drew my gaze, and I couldn't stop myself from watching him. He was far more beautiful, inside and out, than even the wonder of nature that captured his attention so completely.

"Let's go down there," I said, motioning to the path that led to the water. He nodded, and slowly but surely, we worked our way to the bottom of the cave. I plopped down on the edge of a boulder, determined to pull off my boots and sink my poor aching feet into that cool water. Dr. Leal stood a few yards away, examining the waterfall with an inquisitive expression on his face.

"You know," he said, craning his neck to look up at the water. "We could use this as part of the symbolism in the therapy. Just as our mother's umbilical cord brings us life and water and nourishment, we can use this waterfall as a symbol of the life force, that spark from God in each of us, that gives us the courage and the will to overcome our sorrows and find reasons to live again." I looked up at him and smiled, my love for him squeezing my heart almost painfully. "That's beautiful, Dr. Leal. Your patients should be grateful to have you as their doctor."

I rolled up the legs of my jeans and walked to the edge of the river, putting my feet into the dark water. It was deliciously cold and bracing. It was just the thing to clear my head of misty dreams that would never come true. I shivered a bit, the bite of the freezing water giving me a sudden chill.

Dr. Leal walked to my side and crouched down, putting his hand into the water. He looked at me as if he didn't recognize me…or at least as if he had never seen me before in quite this way.

"JoAnn," he said, his voice soft and low. "After all these years, I think you can call me Francisco, out of the office…verdad?"

My mouth went dry as dust as I looked up into his warm amber eyes. I'd never thought to call him by his first name. Just the feel of it on my tongue was intimate, personal, forbidden. I had only said his name in the dark of the night, where no one could hear me, where no one could discover my secret.

"Francisco," I said, unable to keep the breathlessness with which I had always spoken his name out of my voice. I watched his eyes darken, as if he suddenly sensed the truth of my feelings for him. I couldn't take my eyes from him. I could only stare, speechless.

He stood up, running his hands through his hair and frowning, as if trying his best to decide what to do with the knowledge he had just tapped into. He looked at the water for a while, lost in thought, his arms crossed over his chest. Then suddenly, his expression brightened. He grinned and shook his head, as if scolding himself for something. He turned back towards me, a light shining in his eyes that made me wary.

"Let's go for a swim," he said, sitting down and tugging off his own boots. "It's so hot today, it's the perfect time for it!"

I sat dumbfounded, my feet still in the water. "Swim? Are you out of your mind? Swim in what? You didn't exactly tell me to bring a swimsuit on this expedition!"

Francisco looked up at me, his eyes dancing with mischief. This was a side of him I had never seen before. It scared the hell out of me. He was always so controlled. This was not like him…or at least the him I thought I knew. Maybe I'd missed something.

"We can swim in our underwear, JoAnn…no one will know, and I promise not to tell Jose if you don't!" He laughed, for some reason finding my bewilderment quite amusing. I was not amused. Aroused by the thoughts going through my mind, yes, but not amused.

"Francisco, I don't think…what are you doing!?" I cried, as he stood up and unzipped his jeans, right in front of me. "Egads, put your clothes back on, Dr. Leal!" I turned my head, truly mortified. I also wanted to turn back around and never stop looking at him. His lean, muscular body was exquisite, just as I always dreamed it would be. I swallowed hard, my hands collecting little balls of dirt as I struggled to maintain my composure.

"I'm going in," he teased. I kept my head turned, still trying to preserve my modesty, or at least give him his. Then I heard a splash. I turned around and saw him just as he emerged from his dive, his black wavy hair hanging in wet ringlets around his head, giving him the appearance of an errant angel.

"Dr. Le…Francisco, your…ahem…underwear will take forever to dry, you know. It's too humid down here to possibly…"

"You think so? Well, you're always right, JoAnn. I'd better get a head start on drying it, si?"

"What?" I said, frowning at him. He ducked his head under the water, and when he came back up, his white cotton briefs were in his hand! He squeezed the water from them, then tossed them onto a nearby rock.

"See? As always, I follow your inspirations!" He smiled again, thoroughly enjoying himself. I wanted to die.

"Francisco!" I cried, leaping to my feet. I couldn't believe that my staid, solemn Dr. Leal was acting like a…a…well, I didn't know what to call it!

He swam to the edge of the river where I stood and rested his arms on the bank. I was grateful the water was murky, or I'd have a view of Dr. Leal I never expected. I tried to deny that I wouldn't mind having that view, now, tomorrow, as often as possible.

He reached over and caressed my ankle, looking up at me innocently. I froze, unable to move.

"Why don't you come in, JoAnn. I promise to turn my back while you disrobe. I even promise to stay at least three feet away from you at all times." I began to shake my head, to refuse him, when he worked that psychological training on me. He swam back a few feet, a nonchalant look on his face. "Then again…if you're too afraid, I'll understand."

That did it. The one thing I wasn't was afraid, and he wasn't going to make me appear as if I was. I put my hands on my hips and lifted my chin.

"Turn around, Dr. Leal. You promised."

"Si, senorita," he said, dutifully turning his back.I struggled quickly with my clothes, dropping them in a pile on the riverbank. Afraid, huh? I'd show him a thing or two. I dove into the water, the coldness bringing a sharp gasp from my lungs as I came up for air. Francisco was there, only inches from me.

"You said you'd keep three feet away from me at all times!" I shrieked. The closeness of his body brought mine suddenly to the boiling point. I was surprised that steam didn't start to rise from all around me. Francisco moved closer, his hands coming up under the water to encircle my waist.

"Francisco," I whispered, looking at him quizzically.

"I lied," he whispered back. "I can't stay three feet away from you. I can't stay away from you, period, JoAnn. I love you. I didn't want to love you, I knew it was wrong, we had a working relationship where love shouldn't enter in. But I can't stop myself anymore. I love you. I need you. I want you. Now. Right here. Do you want me? Tell me if you don't, and I…"

I put my hand on Francisco's lips, stilling his voice. "I love you, Dr. Leal. I need you. I want you, here, now and while we're at it, for as long as possible."

Francisco smiled, pulling me against his body. I could feel the proof of his desire for me, and I wound my legs around his hips, returning the proof he sought. He moaned and leaned forward, kissing me, plunging inside my mouth as he pushed up with his hips. I leaned my head back, gasping with pleasure. "How about forever, would that be long enough?" he said, his voice hoarse and rough as he pushed up against me again.

"I…I think that would do, Dr. Leal," I said, glorying in the sensations he was sending through my body with lightning speed.

"You have to start calling me Francisco," he said, laughing as he spun me around in the water. I laughed, too, the joy in my heart beyond measure.

"I think your cave therapy is a success," I said, grinding my hips against him. He clutched at my waist, carrying me to the riverbank. He lowered me to the edge, the soft moss that grew there the perfect lover's bed.

"But this therapy is only for us," he whispered, kissing the edge of my jaw as he moved lower down the curve of my neck.

"Yes, only for us," I breathed, arching my back as his lips moved even lower, where pleasure was at its height. I threaded my hands into his hair and closed my eyes, knowing that from this moment on, whatever else happened to Francisco and I, we would be together.

I'm no longer there for him only in the night. I am his day, his night, his sunset, his dawn. And he is mine.

Life is good, is it not?