The Greatest Prize of All

By JoAnn

Juliana tossed the pizza dough high over her head, watching with satisfaction as the dough spun out in a perfect circle. She caught it deftly, without marring its shape, and laid it gently in the pan beside her. It was a small thing, but Juliana prided herself on the reputation she had for serving the best New York style pizza to be found in this rundown section of Los Angeles. She might be a nobody to the rest of the world, but here, she was the queen of Pizza. The boxers at the Broadway Gym next door were usually lined up at the door at lunchtime, jostling for the best table. Especially Vince, who seemed to have a religious experience every time he sank his teeth into one of her Pepperoni Specials. The men were rowdy, raunchy, and rough, but each of them would defend her with their lives. She knew they all looked at her as their own personal little sister, and she loved it. Except in one case. In that case, the last thing she wanted was brotherly affection.

The case in point walked by the picture window in front of her, waving at her through the glass good-naturedly. She snapped out of her fantasies at that moment, leaning over the flour-dusted worktable in front of her to wave back enthusiastically. She watched him as he slung his boxing bag over his shoulder and opened the door of the gym, disappearing inside. Then she slumped down onto her elbows in the flour, allowing herself an uncharacteristic moment of unabashed self-pity.

Cesar. Couldn't he see how much she loved him? She'd loved him from the first moment she'd ever laid eyes on him, from the first moment he and Vince had shown up at the Broadway. She'd watched in torment while he dated Grace, a fiery redhead who just happened to be a very good friend of hers, thus complicating matters even more. She was grateful that Grace and Cesar had finally ended their romantic relationship and were now just very good friends. That had been almost unbearable, watching Cesar and Grace kiss, hug, cuddle, and knowing that when they went to Grace's apartment at night, it wasn't to play checkers. She'd cried too many tears during that period, watching them walk off together after a fun night at the pizza parlor to head home and "have dessert"…surely the sweetest dessert imaginable. Juliana imagined it regularly. Only in her dreams, it wasn't Grace with Cesar…it was herself. No one knew how she felt about him. For her own self-protection, no one would ever know. Just the thought of him rejecting her was more than she could endure, so she suffered in silence and lived on her dreams. The only problem was that those dreams were bringing her more pain than pleasure. The knife twisting in her heart right now was proof enough of that. She hung her head and took a deep breath, letting the clean scent of the flour seep into her senses.

"Whatsamatter, Julie? You look like you could use some help! Jesus loves you, you know."

Juliana lifted her head, tossing her long black hair over her shoulder as she smiled. She knew immediately who was speaking. "Hey, Vince, my gospel man! How long have you been standing there?"

Vince ran a hand over his bald head and grinned. "Long enough to put two and two together. So how long have you had it bad for Cesar?"

Juliana stood up abruptly, brushing the flour off her arms. "What? I don't get you, gospel man. I don't have it bad for Cesar!" She averted her eyes, trying to look anywhere but at Vince's smiling face.

"Julie, Julie…thou shalt not bear false witness. I saw you. I saw the look on your face when Cesar walked by. I saw how you acted afterwards. I wondered if you loved him, the way I always caught you looking at him when he wasn't aware of it. All the guys at the Gym think you've got the hots for him, too!"

"Oh my God! All the guys? You mean, Cesar…"

"Don't take His name in vain, baby. No, everybody thinks it BUT Cesar. I can fix that for you, if you want."

"NO!" she cried, gripping the edge of the counter. She saw the amused light in Vince's eyes and realized she'd better make light of this, or he'd feel duty bound to make things happen that she knew would be disastrous. Disaster and Vince were usually synonymous.

"No…look, Vince, you're a sweetie, but really, I do not have the "hots" for Cesar. I care about him, I admire him, but that's it. So let it ride, okay? In the meantime, ready for your pizza?"

Vince rubbed his hands together with glee. "I'm always ready for pizza!" He leaned forward on the counter and smiled gently, then kissed Juliana on the cheek. "You know, Julie…if you want someone to love, you can always love me. I'm available."

Juliana giggled and kissed Vince on the cheek in return. "Thanks, Vince, but that would be like sleeping with my brother. Besides, haven't you and Cesar already gone that route with Grace? Wasn't once enough?"

"Ah ha! So you DO have the hots for him!" Vince laughed out loud, banging the counter with his fist.

"I told you I don't! Go sit down and eat your pizza, gospel man, before I call down a Sicilian curse on you!"

Vince picked up the pizza pan in front of him and grinned mischievously. "I ain't scared. I got Jesus on my side!"

Juliana shook her head and waved her hand at him, walking into the kitchen to put more orders into the oven. Vince walked to a booth in the rear of the restaurant and sat down. He said a quick prayer, then began to shovel the pizza into his mouth. He watched Juliana as she worked, her movements efficient and quick. His brows furrowed with deep thought, until finally they lifted and he laughed out loud, slapping his hands together happily.

"Thank you, Jesus!" he said, looking up into heaven. "That's a great idea! No wonder you're the Son of God!"

Later that evening, the usual gang was crowded into the parlor. Grace laughed as she showed Juliana the plans for her latest invention, guaranteed to make her life easier…an automated pizza sauce spreader.

"See? All you do is lay the pizzas under the machine, and the conveyor belt will pull each of them under the patented sauce spreader. Think of the time you'll save with this!" Grace's eyes lit up as she rolled out the blueprints a little further. Juliana leaned over them, studying them intently.

"Grace…this is great, but not for an operation like mine. This is way too complex for me. I think you should definitely hit the bigger chains with these plans, though. They would have more need of this than I would."

"I think you're right. Maybe I'll drive up to the home offices of Little Caesar's and see if they would be interested!"

The mention of the name Caesar immediately brought Juliana's eyes to the source of her constant agony and ecstasy. Cesar. He was sitting in the booth with Vince and a few of the other boxers, discussing the next fight he had lined up. Ever since the big fight in Las Vegas, Vince and Cesar had been slowly rebuilding their careers. Even Don King had contacted them, wanting to represent them. Things were changing for them, in every good way possible. She was happy for them…but her heart still ached for what she knew she could never dare to dream. She couldn't help smiling as Cesar laughed out loud, filling the restaurant with his rich, deep voice. His hair was a little longer now, curling about his head like an ebony halo. He was in the best shape of his life, now that he and Vince had the incentive to keep one step ahead of each other. They were always dueling in some form---who could do the most crunches, who could train the longest, who could hit the bag with the most power. They had become what they had both most desired…worthy of a second chance in their own eyes. It had changed them both for the better. Now, if only Cesar would see that not only did he deserve the chance to rebuild his boxing life, he deserved a chance to be loved the way a man should be loved. Oh, if only he…

"Julie? Earth to Julie. Where is that mind of yours?"

"Oh! I'm sorry, Grace. Yes, I agree. A trip to the Home Offices would be worthwhile!" She stood up, trying to put her mask of indifference to Cesar back into place.

Grace rested her chin in her hand, her intelligent eyes flicking back and forth between the booth of men in the back of the parlor and Juliana. "So, that's how it is, huh…which one is it? Vince? Carlos? Matt?"

"Will you stop it? It's nobody, okay? I swear, you and Vince are always seeing things that aren't there."

Grace laughed. "Well, now, with Vince, that's true. I still haven't seen Jesus yet, even when he wakes me up at three AM and swears he's got Him in the front seat with him. But as for you, my Italian friend…I am seeing exactly what's there. I just don't know who your target is. I'm a woman, Julie, you can't hide it from me. Just give me the goods. Which one is it? Let me guess again…Brian, right?"

"No! Cut it out, Grace. I mean it, okay? It's nobody." Juliana turned away from Grace, anxious to stop the conversation. How would her friend feel if she knew it was her ex that she loved? Things hadn't been over between Grace and Cesar that long, and she didn't want to hurt her, even though she knew the very idea of her with Cesar would probably be laughable to Grace.

Grace watched the men for a few more moments, then her eyes darkened with sudden understanding. She turned to Juliana and smiled. "You know, Julie, you're a great friend."

"I am? That's sweet of you to say."

Grace nodded. "Yup, you're a great friend…so great, in fact, that the entire time I was with Cesar, I never knew you loved him."

Juliana swung around, her eyes wide. "Grace, I…"

Grace waved her hand in dismissal. "It was over between us before we even broke up. We aren't meant to be at all, except as friends. Does he know?"

"No, he doesn't…and I want to keep it that way, Grace. Please, don't say anything, okay?"

"But why? If you love him, and your eyes say that you do, why keep it a secret?"

Juliana clutched the counter with her hands, looking down. "Grace…when I came out here, ten years ago, I was just 18…remember?" Grace nodded, her eyes focused only on Juliana. "I came here to…get away from men. My father slept around on my mom, right up until the day she died. I caught him three times with different women, in their bed, at our house. God, I hated him. Then in high school, I had a boyfriend. I loved him so much, Grace. He and I…he was my first, you know. He wanted to get married, he said, make babies, make a great life together. The whole time, h e was doing every other girl in the class. I'd be sitting there, going on and on to the girls about how wonderful he was, how he was my only man and I was his only woman, while they'd be sitting there nodding their heads, smiling when they knew they'd just been with him the night before. It was one huge joke, at my expense. Finally one of the girls couldn't take it anymore and told me everything, right after graduation. I took off in my dad's car and never looked back. I can't…I can't risk that kind of hurt again. I can't risk Cesar rejecting me. Or choosing someone else after we've been together. I'd rather love him from afar than take that chance."

"But Julie…if you don't take the chance, you won't ever know if things can be different. Look at me. I've screwed up some in my life. But I've got it together, and I run my life now…it doesn't run me. You can do that, too. I know you can."

Juliana shook her head, looking away. "I can't, Grace. Not now. Not yet. Please, don't say anything."

"Okay," she replied, giving her friend a brief hug. Juliana nodded and pulled a kleenex out of her pocket.

"I…need to go to the ladies' room for a second. Will you ride herd on the guys until I get back?"

"Sure thing," Grace replied. She watched Julie walk to the restrooms, then quickly got up and walked to the table where the men were talking.

Vince and Cesar looked up the moment she approached, and as usual began to talk together in one stream.

"Grace, you look lovely tonight…Grace, I'm so glad to see you…Want to sit with us? Want some pizza?"

Grace smiled and shook her head. "Thanks, guys. I do need to talk to Vince. Will you come here a second?" She crooked her finger at him, bringing catcalls from the other men.

"I always knew you loved him best!" Cesar called out teasingly. "But I am the better lover!"

"You were not, I was!" Vince replied. Grace hit both of them on the top of the head with the rolled up blueprint in her hand and led Vince out into the parking lot.

"Look, I gotta make this fast before she comes back. Julie…"

"Loves Cesar, and you want to do something to help them," Vince said, finishing her sentence for her.

"Um…yeah! How did you know?"

Vince crossed his arms over his chest and smiled smugly. "I have high connections. And, I have a plan. Wanna be in on it?"

"One of YOUR plans? I don't know…"

"This one wasn't my idea. It was Jesus'."

Grace rolled her eyes. "Who am I to reject divine counsel? Spill it, Vince."

"Julie, you need help cleaning up?"

Juliana looked up as Vince leaned over the counter, his face split in a wide grin. She brushed the back of her hand over her forehead, leaving a little trace of flour in its wake. "Yeah, in fact, I would. Would you collect the dishes for me?"

"Sure thing. Hey, Cesar, busboy time!"

Cesar grinned and lifted one of the gray dishpans onto his hip. "We'll take care of it, Julie, don't you worry!" he called out. Juliana caught her mind wandering to other things she'd like him to take care of and bit her lip to keep from crying.

"I appreciate it, Cesar," she forced herself to call out in what sounded almost like her normal voice.

"Hey, Cesar, I'm taking this trash to the dumpster. Be right back," Vince said, lifting a tray onto his shoulder. Cesar nodded, his back turned as he cleared the table in front of him.

Vince walked out the front door and quickly stowed the empty tray behind the bushes. Grace was waiting there, with the requested equipment he'd asked for…two lengths of chain and two combination locks. He drew one of the chains around the door handles of the front door and slipped the lock tightly between two links. The lock clicked with a heavy metallic sound. Then he and Grace ran to the back of the restaurant and did the same to the back door.

"Vince, what if there's a fire or an emergency, and they can't get out?"

"Hey, you think Jesus would tell me to lock 'em up in a deathtrap? Nothing is going to happen here except a little push in the right direction."

"I hope you're right," Grace said, her red eyebrows drawing together. They circled to the front of the store to find Cesar and Juliana already trying to open the door. They started yelling the moment they saw Vince and Grace.

"Hey! Hey, let us out!" Cesar yelled. Juliana started banging on the glass, calling Grace's name.

Vince walked up to the doors and smiled. "Jesus says you guys gotta spend the night in there! Call me if something comes up!" He turned away, laughing as he slung an arm around Grace's shoulders.

"I told you I was an atheist! Let us out of here, you idiot! Hombre estupido, un perro del Diablo, un…" Cesar took off on one of his tirades that Juliana knew was both colorful and necessary for him. She turned away, knowing full well why Vince and Grace had locked them inside. She was going to spend the entire night with Cesar, locked in the pizza parlor. The thought thrilled and terrified her, at the same time. She sat down at one of the tables and sipped her root beer, watching Cesar as he paced and ranted in Spanish. Her childhood Italian helped her understand most of what he was saying, and she grinned as his depictions of Vince grew more and more insulting. Finally he finished, took a deep breath, then walked to the table, sitting down in the chair with a sigh.

"Better now?" Juliana asked, pushing a fresh glass of cola towards him.

"Si. Thank you," he said, taking a long swallow of the cold drink. Juliana watched his Adam's Apple work in his muscular neck as he drank, and she longed to place a kiss right in the hollow of his throat…or anywhere else on his body that was available. She set down her glass sharply, angry with herself for her thoughts. This was all so pointless.

"You are angry being locked in here, too, eh?" he asked, giving her a smile for the first time. Juliana nodded, not trusting her voice at that moment.

"Well…at least we will not starve, verdad? You are an excellent cook, Juliana. I would eat here for all three meals every day, if you were open for breakfast."

"Really? You like my cooking that much?" She couldn't suppress the pleasure his simple praise sent coursing through her veins.

"Yes…I like a lot of things about you. You're really great, just like one of the guys!"

Juliana sat up, his remark robbing her of all pleasure and setting her temper on edge. "Like one of the guys! Thanks a lot, Cesar! You sure know how to backhand a compliment!" She got up with her glass and walked to the kitchen, her heart twisting in pain at the realization there truly was no hope. He saw her as one of the guys…that was worse than not being seen at all. A tear escaped her eye before she could stop it, and she reached up to catch it, smudging her cheek with flour. Another followed it, forging a clear track through the white powder.

"Juliana!" Cesar said, following her into the kitchen. "I'm sorry, querida. I am so stupid sometimes. I didn't mean to say it like that, I…hey, you are crying. God, I am so sorry! I didn't want to make you cry." Cesar took her shoulders in his hands, forcing her to look at him. He reached up and touched the tear, catching it on his finger. He held it there, looking at it with wonder.

"I have shed many of these myself," he said softly. "I don't want to see you ever have to do so." Juliana stood very still, looking into his eyes. "You are so special, Juliana. You deserve only laughter, never this." He lifted the tear to his lips, kissing it away.

"Cesar," she breathed, unable to take her eyes from him. "We have both cried too many of those. I want to laugh…but I can't." She turned away from him, trying her best to lock out the images of his gentleness. Her self-protective devices inside her switched into overdrive, forcing her to walk away from him. He followed, undeterred.

"And why is that?" he asked softly, as if she were a child that needed to be soothed.

"Laughing would mean I had forgotten what I've gone through…what I'm still going through. I can't do that. I can't forget. If I do, I'll get hurt again."

Cesar sat down in the kitchen chair, looking up at her. Then he smiled, looking down at the floor sheepishly.

"You find that amusing?" she asked, feeling the usual turn of the knife. She'd been right. He was only toying with her, flirting with her in the usual way of men, the way that felt wonderful but meant little. She began to walk away, but he caught her arm and pulled her down onto his lap. The feel of his muscular thighs beneath her was almost her undoing, but she struggled to get up, to get away. He held on tight.

"Listen to me, Juliana. I have known you, what, eight years? But I have never had the courage to approach you, to seek you out. Do you know why? I was afraid to laugh, too. I was afraid of the things I had done in my past…things I regret, things that hurt me. It was the same in my personal life as it was in my boxing life. I did not feel worthy. I could not forget."

"You felt worthy enough for Grace!" Juliana cried, trying to pull away from him. His arms were like a vise, holding her on his lap firmly.

"Grace and I…I loved her, and she loved me. I still love her, but only as a friend. Grace began all of this for me, you see? She helped Vince in the same way. She loves him in the same way she loves me. But that is not what I am talking about now. What I am talking about now is the kind of love that…lives anew. That gives you a new life, a new heart, a new soul. The kind I thought never to be worthy of." His voice broke, and Juliana's heart immediately reached out for him. She relaxed in his arms and lifted one hand to caress his cheek.

"Cesar…oh Cesar. You deserve love, every possible kind that exists. Don't you know that?"

"I do know that…now. But you, querida, are deserving of the same…yet you say you cannot love. You say you cannot forget. You do not know yet what the truth is."

"And what is the truth?" she asked, some of her earlier wariness returning.

Cesar pulled her closer, almost whispering in her ear. "The truth is, you do not forget. You accept, and you go on. You live again. You find your path, and you walk it. Do not do this alone, Juliana. Open your heart, let someone walk it with you."

Juliana looked into his eyes, her tears shimmering on her lashes. "And who should I let walk with me, Cesar?" she whispered.

"Me," he murmured, before pulling her into a kiss that sent both of them beyond this world and into the next, a heaven beyond their dreams.

"See, what did I tell you!" Vince said, grunting when Grace placed an elbow in his side in her struggle to get a better view through the kitchen window. "I told you, this was His idea! Bound to work! Just look at that!"

Grace grinned and nodded. "I'm looking, I'm looking. You did good, Vince. For once, one of your ideas panned out."

"Well, sure it did. I…hey, look, Grace! There He is! Right over there! Look, quick, damn it! It's Jesus!"

Grace glanced in the direction Vince was pointing. Nothing was there but the assorted garbage cans dotting the tiny, dark alleyway.

"Do you see Him, Grace, do you see Him?" Vince said excitedly.

Grace turned back to the couple embracing in the kitchen. They had their arms around each other, kissing as if nothing else in the world existed but themselves and their love. Grace brushed away a tear of happiness and smiled.

"You know, Vince…for the first time, I think I do see Him. Right there, with my own eyes."