We Can Never Really Say Good-Bye

By Susan J.

I never knew that I could come to care about another country as much as I care about the country of my birth, but that's how I feel about Spain. Since moving back with Miguel, I have felt so at home that after the assignments that I'd been given I looked forward to returning in order to relax.

Miguel and I tried to get together as often as possible but work always interfered. I was starting to think that after a year, this kind of life maybe it wasn't for me, I mean, I am as good as Miguel, but I have one thing that he doesn't - and it's called a conscience. One day Miguel arrived home from his assignment, when he walked into the house I was in the living room lying on the couch reading a book.

"Serena? Are you home?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm in the living room."

He walked into the living room. He walked towards me and sat on the couch.

"How was your trip?" I asked.

"Just fine. How about your trip?"

"Turned out just fine."

"Good. I missed you."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

He moved closer and closer to me. He started unbuttoning by blouse, once he accomplished this task he ran his hands over my skin and then over my breasts. His hands felt like silk on my skin, before we both knew it our clothes were on the floor and we were making love on the couch. Every time we are together there is no outside world, no other people, but more, no assignments. Later that night I made dinner and we talked while we ate.

"Miguel."

"Yes?"

"I've made a decision."

"What decision?"

"I need to take some time off."

"What? Time off? What for?"

"I need to take a break and recharge my batteries, so to speak."

"Recharge? You look fine to me."

"It's the inside that needs to rest, so if you will be kind enough to let headquarters know not to send me any more assignments until further notice. Okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"All right. I'll let them know, but don't expect me to do the same thing."

"It never occurred to me."

While I relaxed Miguel was taking assignment after assignment, but what was strange was that all his assignments were kind of local, I mean never more than hundred miles away, so he'd be back at home in a couple of hours, it was like he was keeping an eye on me. As the weeks passed I noticed a big change in him; every time he'd come home from an assignment he'd walk into the house with this hunger in his eyes and it wasn't for food. It didn't matter what room he found me in as soon as he would see me he'd pounce on me like a wolf on a rabbit. After we'd finish I'd feel this calming but empty feeling, but for Miguel it was like being born again. Then the same thing would happen if we went out to dinner, he wouldn't be able to sit still, he'd wait a few minutes and then grab me by the arm and find the nearest private room and we'd make love. One day everything came into perspective. I was in the bedroom when I heard the front door open.

"Serena!"

"Yeah?"

"Where are you?"

"In the bedroom."

Before I knew it he was walking through the bedroom door with no shirt on, barefooted and the belt on his pants undone. He walked over to me in like an obsessed state of mind and in a split second he tore my blouse open and ripped it off my body. He didn't say a word, not hello or how are you and even do you want to, he didn't say one word! The next thing I knew I was on the bed and he was on top me. He removed the shorts I was wearing as well as everything else, and then he got completely undressed. He started caressing every part of my body. His hands were hot but they felt good. I felt like I was melting under his touch. He started kissing my neck and then moved down to my chest, where he lingered for awhile. He was making me start to squirm; he came up to kiss my lips. I'd never felt these kind of kisses from him before, they were hard and intense, while his tongue filled my mouth his right hand was on my left breast and his right leg was pushing my legs apart. Within seconds the hardness I felt on my leg was now in me.

His hardness, thrusting faster and harder with such intensity I thought I'd split in two. I bit my lower lip so I wouldn't make any sound, but in my heart and mind I knew that we were not making love anymore.

As we lay in bed I wrapped the sheet around me and looked at Miguel, who was happy and content. I got up and got dressed and went down stairs. I got a drink from the bar and sat down on the couch, Miguel came walking into the living room.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. Tell me."

He sat down beside me.

"Do you realize that we don't ever talk anymore, Miguel."

"Talk about what?"

"Anything! The weather, the town we live in, anything! You walk into the house and you expect me to make love to you at a moment's notice! And what gets me is you don't even ask me if I want to and afterwards you lie there feeling re-born while I lie there feeling empty."

"So you're not satisfied?"

"No I'm not."

"You still have more to say?"

"Hell, yes! You arrive here thinking of only yourself and with one thing on your mind 'wanting it!' Well guess what? I can't live like this anymore."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're always in a hurry as well as uptight. You've made sex into some kind of stress release for yourself, and by doing this you also are pushing me away."

He moved closer to me and started stroking my shoulder and then my hair. He started kissing my neck, but before it went further I put my hands up in front of him.

"Stop it! Basta!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop touching me like that! Stop caressing me!"

"I think you have gone over the fucking cliff!"

"Maybe I have Miguel, maybe I have. What I do know is I've got to get out of here before I completely lose it."

"Lose what?"

"My mind."

"You know there is not a place on this earth that I can't find you."

"I know that, but remember I can find you too."

We stared at each other for a few seconds and then I stood up and starting walking out of the room.

"Serena."

I stopped and turned around.

"Yes?"

"Are you sure you want to leave?"

"As much as I love this country, I have no other choice. One thing is for sure, Miguel."

"What?"

"No one will ever compare to you."

"Yes, I know, I'm tough to replace."

I smiled and turned and left the room. I packed my things and left. I arrived at the airport but didn't know where I wanted to go. I heard the boarding call for Miami.

"Why not?"

I bought a ticket and headed for Miami.

I've been living here for over six months now; I bought a house that is close to everything. I've made new friends, but most of all, I'm back to being myself. I can't help but think of Miguel once in awhile; after all I was with him for over two and half years. At times I thought when I sat in my car or laid in my bed I could smell his cologne, but I would just shake my head and think that I was crazy.

One night when I was having dinner with some friends I thought I'd caught a glimpse of him in the restaurant, but when I looked again I saw no one. When I got home that night I felt like someone was in the house; since I never went anywhere without my gun I took it out of my purse and walked into the living room cautiously. I aimed the gun at every turn I made; all of a sudden I smelled the strong scent of his cologne.

"Miguel? Is that you?"

The light on the end table turned on. I quickly turned around and aimed the gun at him.

"Still quick as ever," he said.

"You son of a bitch! Don't ever do that!"

I put the gun away. He walked over to me.

"How are you querida?"

He tenderly kissed my cheek.

"I'm fine. How about you?" I asked.

"I'm fine."

"Glad to hear it. Would you like some coffee? Or a drink?"

"I brought a bottle of Cristalle. It's in the refrigerator behind the bar."

"So, my suspicions were right."

"What suspicions?"

"You have been in here. As well as taken a nap in my bed."

He smiled. He then walked over to the bar and took out the bottle of Cristalle out of the refrigerator and he poured two glasses. He handed one to me. I tasted it.

"Only the best for you, huh."

"But of course," he smiled.

He looked into my eyes.

"Are you okay now?" he asked.

"Yes, I am."

"That's good. You look happier now. The life has come back to your eyes. I'm happy for you, amor."

"Thanks, Miguel. I do feel better about myself. What about you?"

"Oh you know me, I'm always fine."

He held me in his arms and stroked my hair. He kissed my nose.

"I've missed you," he said.

"Have you?"

He then kissed my right cheek.

"Yes I have."

He kissed my left cheek.

"Oh really. How can I be sure that you are not lying to me?"

He smiled that cocky smile of his.

"Because I know you can tell when I'm lying to you, that is why I always tell you the truth."

He kissed my neck.

"You do, huh" I said.

"Uh huh."

He kissed me full on the lips; his tongue parted my lips and then plunged totally inside my mouth. His left hand ran down my back while his right hand held my neck firm. I then slid my right hand down his back and stopped once I reached his bottom. He pulled me closer and I could feel through his pants his arousal.

"I would like very much to make love to you," he said.

It then dawned on me that he was asking and not demanding while ripping my clothes off. I lead him to him to the bedroom. Once there we undressed each other and he slowly lowered me onto the bed. He laid beside me and started running his fingers up and down my body. He kissed my shoulder and moved to my breast where his tongue drew circles around my nipple. He knew by my movements that this was starting to drive me crazy. His right leg pulled my right leg towards him giving him the opportunity to position himself for what he was planning. He kissed his way up my body while I ran my fingers through his hair. He kissed me hard on the mouth and then I felt he was in a rush.

"Miguel, slow down."

"What?"

"Despacio, vas muy deprisa. We have all night."

"You're right."

He slowed down. His hands were all over my body as mine were all over his.

"Oh Miguel, you're driving me crazy."

"Am I querida?"

I bit my lower lip.

"Yes."

"Then lets drive each other crazy," he said.

Within seconds of him saying this he thrust into me. He felt so wonderful, I'd almost forgotten how wonderful he felt, he thrust harder and harder continuously but not in a rush. He was taking his time and enjoyed watching me while I squirmed. I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him upward towards me. We kissed each other passionately and it felt like the first time we were together. I remembered the explosion from the volcano at the Mirage hotel in Las Vegas the night we met, the explosion the volcano exhibited is what we were feeling now. He rolled off of me and onto his back out of breath. He put his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Never better. You sound a little tired. Are you Miguelito?"

"Me? Tired? Miguel Bain?"

"Yes, you, tired." I started laughing.

"Miguel Bain is never tired!" he said as he jumped on top of me again.

"Miguelito are you ready again so quickly?"

"I'm always ready. And remember one thing."

"What?"

"I will be ready all night long."

"Oh geezs, then we may never walk normally again."

We started laughing.

"What a way to go!" he said.

I awoke the next morning to see Miguel sleeping peacefully. I got up and dressed and went to the kitchen and made coffee. I left an empty cup by the coffee maker and took my cup of coffee outside on the patio. I loved the view of the ocean that I had from there. Miguel joined me a few minutes later.

"Good morning amor," he said.

"Good morning Miguelito. How did you sleep?"

"Great. I woke up to the wonderful smell and the wonderful taste of coffee, but best of all is having you here in my arms."

He kissed my neck as his left arm circled around my waist.

"This is a very peaceful place you have here, Serena."

"Yes I know. That is why I fell in love with it when I first saw it."

Miguel's pager went off and we both knew what that meant.

"Shit!" Miguel said.

He held me tighter.

"I have to go, amor."

"I know."

We walked inside. He finished his coffee and put the cup on the counter. He walked over to me and I fixed the lapels on his jacket. He held me in his arms and we looked into each other's eyes.

"It was wonderful seeing you again," he said.

"It was wonderful seeing you too, Miguelito."

He hugged me with such tenderness that I'd never felt before.

"My home is always there for you when ever you want," he said.

"So is mine for you, Miguel. Underneath that tough macho bullshit exterior is a very tender man."

"And you are the only one who will ever see him."

"I'm honored."

"You should be."

I slapped him on the behind.

"Hey! What the hell was that for?" he yelled.

"I'm allowed to do that in my house."

"You can do anything you want to me any where at anytime."

He kissed me. I pushed him away.

"You better go," I said.

"I know."

I walked him to the door.

"Take care of yourself, amor."

"You too Miguelito. Be careful. I'd hate to see any bullet holes on any part of this beautiful body."

"Any part?"

He grabbed my hand and moved it to his lower region.

"Yes even there," I smiled.

He kissed me again. He opened the door.

"If you ever need me you know how to find me," he said.

"I know Miguel. Do me a favor."

"Name it."

"Next time you decide to come for a visit, call first. I don't want to shoot first and then ask questions."

"Okay, I will. Would you believe that I'm finding it hard to leave?" he said.

"I believe it. Now go before I keep you here."

He kissed me more passionately this time as he held me tighter.

"Adios, amor."

"Adios, Miguelito."

He walked away and I closed the door. I looked at the floor and saw his silver bracelet. I picked it up and opened the door.

"Miguel, wait!"

I walked to the end of the driveway but he was gone. As I walked back to the house I looked at the bracelet and smiled.

"I believe you left this on purpose just so you'd have an excuse to come back. Clever Miguelito, very clever."

I put the bracelet on my left wrist and walked inside the house and closed the door.