A Little Too Much Maid To Order

By Gina

I've got a nice set up here in Miami. I live in a large mansion, complete with a swimming pool, and maid service. Anytime I want the maid, I just call out "Hey, me!" and there I am.

Yes, my name is Gina, and yes, I am the maid. Hey, it's a living. My bosses are two blonde sisters named Betty and Liz. They both sit around the pool, reading magazines, and talking on the telephone.

One day, Betty brought home a real character, a dark haired guy named Art who seemed to delight in calling himself Bart on the phone. I think he's a loon.

My bosses, the blonde sisters, are strictly OTL about the Art/Bart thing. (OTL is out-to-lunch!) Betty is obsessed about getting married and making her ex-husband jealous. Liz broods about her ex-boyfriend. All the obsessing and brooding makes them stick around the pool a LOT. Okay by me. Less for me to clean.

It was starting out to be a day off for me like any other day off. I pushed my uniform back in the closet, and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, and made sure I had my bus pass in my purse. Maybe Starbucks and then a movie. Hmmmm. I walked past the garage, and I heard a voice call out to me.

"You want a ride? I'm running some errands for Betty."

It was the psycho. Art/Bart in the flesh. A definite sub zero.

For reasons I still can't define, I decided to throw caution to the winds. Live dangerously for once. Ride the curl. All that assertive stuff. "You don't fool me. I can see right through your stupid, silly deception. You're such a bum." I declared. He stared at me for a few seconds.

"You are right. I am a bum. Are you going to tell on me?"

"Well, I'll think about it. While I'm thinking about it, hand over those keys." "What?" "Hand 'em over. You wanna come along, fine. If not, you can go hang out at the pool ALL DAY LONG with the sisters."

I grabbed the keys, jumped in the car, and started to speed away, and he grabbed the car and sort of fell in the back seat. Honestly, chicas, I never thought I would ever do anything so impulsive or crazy, but, for a psycho, even I had to admit that Art/Bart was, well, very cute.

I had been driving for a couple of minutes, when I noticed a dark car that seemed to be shadowing us. "I think we're being followed." I said. "Betty's ex-husband, I'll bet," he said. "I think, he doesn't like me." "He seems to be in a large club." "Club?" "Yes, of people who don't like you." He ignored me and I continued to drive.

"Where are we going?" "I hear there's a really cool celebrity boat race, and I thought it would be fun to go watch and maybe see some celebrities!" "Sounds like a real yawn to me." "Oh, be quiet. It's a beautiful day for a race. The sun is shining, and this will be fun!" Art and I were standing close to the pier to watch the race. There were some murmurs in the crowd. "Wow, he's got a great looking boat. Antonio is a good racer!"

"Antonio!" I cried. "Antonio is racing! I got to see this!" I pushed past Art so fast that I accidentally caused him to trip and fall off the pier into the water. I went down to help him out. "Uh, sorry, Art, I think I tripped you." "What was your big rush? I thought I heard you screaming something about Antonio." "Oh yeah, well, I thought Antonio Banderas was out in a boat." "It wasn't Antonio Banderas out in a boat?" "Well, no. It was another Antonio. Not a famous Antonio." "You like Antonio Banderas then?" "Oh, yeah, he's fantastic, stupendous, like zowie to the 15th power." He rolled his eyes at me. "So you pushed me into the water for a movie star?"

I decided it was time for lunch. High class. Real tablecloths. Someone waiting hand and foot on me for a change. Everything was going so well. When Art isn't trying to be a psycho, he's actually interesting to talk to. He knew all about the art displayed on the walls. But, then, I saw him. A dark haired man walked in with a slim blonde lady. I couldn't see their faces, but they looked familiar. I leaned to look at them, and stood up to get a better view. I collided with the waiter. My salad and fruit plate went all over Art. "What, Antonio again?" "No." I said, sitting down a little depressed. "It wasn't him." "I'm sure if he knew you were here, he'd be crushed to know that he had disappointed you once again by not showing up." "No need to get snippy." I said. "You're not the one who was pushed off a pier and has salad all over you. All because of no Antonio."

I decided we needed a little fresh air. After picking off all the salad leaves, I suggested a walk downtown. We could hear faint music a couple of blocks away. We could see it was some sort of parade and there were marching bands and floats. "Arturo!" a man shouted. We turned to see an older man in uniform. "What are you doing here?" "I'm marching in a parade with the veterans! You come along with me. Hey, who is this lovely thing? Is this your new girlfriend?" he said, taking me by the hand. "Gina, this is my father. And no, she isn't!" "How do you do, Mr. Dodge?" "Oh, polite and friendly" he said, kissing my hand. "Pay no attention to him, Gina," said Art. "He's full of it." "But, Gina, why are you hanging around with my nutty son? You know he's nutty, don't you?" he said laughing. "I'm the maid to his girlfriend, Betty and her sister, this is my day off." I explained. "Well, Gina, you picked a great day, because I am so privileged to meet you!" He leaned into my ear. "But you do like him, don't you? You're with him, aren't you?" I smiled and nodded. I couldn't fool him. I could see something interesting coming in the distance. "What's that?" I said. "Oh, it's the uh Phantom float. But they are having problems." "Oh, that's too bad. What's wrong?" "Oh, their girl singer is sick, and they can't find a last minute replacement."

"Uh, I can sing. I know the music!" I ran over to the float, and talked to the people there and before I knew it, I was pinned into a dress and was gingerly making my way to the dark haired Phantom standing on the other side of the float, casually smoking a cigarette. I walked up to the masked man, introduced myself, and waved to Art and Mr. Dodge. The man spoke. "I'm glad you could fill in. I wouldn't want to disappoint all these people." I was so excited to be on the float that I should have noticed that his voice was more than a little familiar. "Let's warm up our voices a little bit," he said. We started to sing, and I turned, looking at him, staring. "You're, you're, you're, you're him. You're Antonio!" He put his finger to his lips. "Ssshhh! Is a secret-no one knows. You have to help me!" "Okay, anything you say, Antonio! Oh, sorry, uh, Phantom. Hey, does this mean that you are going to be doing the role of the..." He interrupted me." I'm just having a little fun today. You help me, okay?" I shook my head, astounded. "Let's do something a little different!" he said to me. He motioned over the bandleader and whispered something to him. The music started--but it was different music--it was "Twist and Shout"--and Antonio-I mean-The Phantom-and I started singing and dancing to the music. It was so inspiring that everyone-and I do mean everyone-in the parade joined us singing and dancing. Art's dad was dancing and waving at me. And Art was too. "So, is that your boyfriend there waving to you?" said the masked man. "Yes, I suppose it is!" I said surprising myself. "Well, you better go to him before he gets jealous." I turned to him. "Thank you, Antonio," I whispered. "Ssshhh! Thank you senorita for filling in, you did a great job!" I hopped off the float where Art and his dad were waiting. Art took me by my shoulders and helped me down. "You did a terrific job. You have a wonderful voice. Why are you hiding your voice by being a maid? So, who was that up there?" he said in a rush smiling. "Oh, it was Antonio Banderas." We both laughed. And we were all laughing as we piled into the Rolls Royce and drove back to the house. The dark car was still in the background. "I think we're both in a lot of trouble," I said. "No problem," said Mr. Dodge. "I called for back-up". There was a Mustang just down the street full of his old cronies. "They can take care of the dark car. You see, they drink their milk. And now it's time for us to go home." He turned to Arturo. "Talk to her." Art took me aside. "Come home with my dad and me. You know you don't like to be here. You don't like to wait on the sisters. You need to sing. You know we belong together, don't you?" It was true. I really loathed working for the sisters. He was holding out his hand. "Come. Come home." He was awfully cute. I looked into his warm eyes, and knew I belonged. I took his hand, and we walked out to the mustang. It was kind of crowded in that car. Mr. Dodge had me sing "Twist and Shout" again. And again. But I didn't care, because I was going home.