Andean Adventure

By JoAnn

"Here's the last of your props," the young Virgentrix facilitator said, handing me my multicolored poncho. I tossed it over my shoulder and smiled at him, both amused and touched by his youthful exuberance. "Eager to please" seemed to be the motto of all Virgentrix employees. I hoped the adventure I was about to begin would be just as accommodating, but I already knew to expect the unexpected. We'd been warned that once we entered the virtual movie world, all bets were off. Anything could happen. I knew that I had chosen a particularly difficult assignment, but I also knew that at this point in my life, it was the one I had to take. I looked up at the sign over the door. OF LOVE AND SHADOWS, it read. Francisco, I thought.

"Thanks, Benny. What do I have to do? Just open the door, right?"

"Yes, ma'am. Open the door and you'll be immediately in the film at the point you requested. The characters will know who you are the moment you enter, complete with memories, thoughts, and emotions about you. All you have to do is go inside."

I swallowed hard, knowing that what I had chosen could be perilous. "All right, Benny. See you when I get back," I said, nervously placing my hand on the doorknob.

"You'll do fine. Don't forget---you'll always find what you want most on the other side of that door, even if it's not what you expected." Benny smiled sweetly, but with a knowing look in his eyes that made me wonder if he was really as naïve as he seemed. Pushing those thoughts aside, I turned from him and opened the door.

The rattling sensation of a strong energy pulse swept my body as I stepped over the threshold, as if an electrical charge had passed through me. I looked around the large, empty room, feeling disoriented for a few seconds. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I could see Francisco standing with a group of men, huddled over a map as they discussed the most direct escape route to save Irene. I adjusted the poncho over my shoulder more comfortably and took a deep breath. Then I stepped forward, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of my shirt pocket.

"Quintana Pass is the only way to go. All of you know that." I punctuated my statement with the strike of a match, taking a deep drag of the cigarette and enjoying the rush of nicotine as it coursed through my bloodstream.

The men turned toward me, surprised by my sudden appearance. Mario began to laugh, his broad smile lifting my spirits.

"Mi reina!" he cried, striding towards me with quick steps and lifting me off my feet in a bear hug. "I knew you would come back! I knew you were all right! Didn't I say that, Francisco?"

Francisco stood up straight, his expression a mixture of relief and anger. "Where have you been? It has been weeks since you led the Escobar rescue! We've heard no word from you, we…" He cleared his throat, his distress apparent on his face. "God, Juana, we thought you might have been killed." He made a move to walk towards me, but when the other men came forward to give me their welcoming hugs, he remained at the table.

I pushed the last man away after I good-naturedly kissed his cheek. Brushing the warehouse dust from my jeans, I began to explain. "I was trailed by Pincochet's troops over the border into Peru. The General wanted Escobar dead, far more than any of us realized. We had to hide in the mountains for two weeks until we could finally evade them and escape down the other side. It took me three more weeks to get him safely to Lima. I'm sorry I couldn't get word to you, but I had to lie low for a while until things cooled down. It was too dangerous to come back to Chile, or even try to contact you. But I'm home now." I looked at each of the men, knowing my news would be difficult for all of them. "I've already heard news of the assignment for Irene Beltran. However, there is a man who needs our immediate help. We must evacuate him tonight or the death squads will have him assassinated by sunrise."

"Who?" Mario asked, his eyebrows raised.

I turned to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. "It's you, Mario," I said, unable to keep the tremor out of my voice. "My sources have told me that your car was seen at the hospital the night Irene was rescued. They've put two and two together and have a team already searching for you. I've notified Jose about getting Irene to another safe house until she's well enough to travel. He's set it up for her to be dressed as a nun and taken to the Cardinal's at this very moment."

Francisco's face reflected the tumult of emotion that filled him as I told my story. Fear for Mario. Fear for Irene, for Jose, for the Cardinal. But also anger that all whom he loved were once again in danger. I understood the mixture of love and hate, honor and passion, light and dark that made him who he was. I also knew that while I was gone, he had fallen in love with Irene Beltran.

"Oh, God, I knew it would come to this," Mario said, sitting down heavily in a chair and tunneling his hands into his hair. I knelt down beside him, putting my hand on his knee.

"I understand, Mario, but there's no time for sorrow. You have to get together what you need and be ready to leave. We must leave in less than an hour. Villarreal, are you game to take this assignment with me? My horses are ready in a barn not far from the pass, we can drive there and…"

"No, I'll go," Francisco said, putting his fists on his hips. I looked up, surprised that he would volunteer while Irene was still recovering.

"No, Francisco. Irene, she…" Mario began, looking up at him.

Francisco stopped him, holding up his hand. "I will get word to her. She's safe in the Cardinal's residence for now. I got you into this, Mario. It's my duty to get you out. No arguments."

Mario nodded his head, knowing better than to protest further when Francisco had "that look" in his eyes. I'd seen that look before. During a rescue, scrambling over rocky ridges near the Andes. Evading the soldiers as we ducked bullets whizzing past our ears. In the midst of making love in the hollow of a mountain, the stars over our heads and our hearts pounding in our chests. The intensity of his passion never failed to amaze me and fill me with joy. But I felt no joy now.

"All right, Francisco," I said, resigning myself to his presence on this assignment. As much as I didn't want him on this rescue, I knew he would never have peace of soul until he had made sure himself that Mario was safe. " Pick me up in twenty minutes in front of Paschal's Bar. You know the place. I'll be ready." I tossed my cigarette on the concrete floor of the warehouse, grinding it out with the toe of my boot.

"We'll be there," Francisco said, taking Mario by the arm and helping him up. The hairdresser seemed a bit unsteady on his feet, but after a few moments I saw some of the old, familiar grit of his nature return. He smiled, giving me a toss of his head.

"To you, mi corazon, I leave all my beauty products. Not that you need them, chiquita."

I laughed, happy to see the cocky Mario that all of us loved and admired. "I need all the products that I can get and you know it! I'll see you in twenty minutes." Mario nodded, making his farewells to the other men. Francisco turned towards me, and for a moment I saw the hunger in his eyes, the desire that always thrilled me in the past. But now I no longer knew what that meant. Nor was I sure I wanted to.

"Juanita…we have to talk," he said quietly, just loud enough for me to hear.

"After the rescue, Francisco. Not until then." I knew my limits, and Mario's safety had to be the only thing on my mind in order for the three of us to survive.

It was a harrowing, weeklong escape over the Andes, first by car and then by horseback. There were several times when I feared we had been recognized, even with our clerical disguises and fake papers. Mario often laughed and told me that I made an angelic nun, but Francisco said little during the trip. His expression told me that he was having difficulty being unable to talk to me, but I was adamant that no personal business between us be discussed until Mario was safely in Peru.

The day we left him in Lima, I was sorrowful to the bottom of my heart. I had grown to love Mario. But I knew that some day we would all be together again. Justice would have its day and the exiles would return to our homeland. I knew that Irene and Francisco were the next of our countrymen due to be rescued from execution, to become exiles. He would not return for many, many years, if ever. It would be truly over between us. But I knew now that it had been over from the moment he'd laid eyes on the beautiful, passionate Irene. I was too much of a realist to deny that fact.

The ride back over the Andes was difficult. The weather took a turn for the worse, and at last we had to give up and seek shelter in a cave. The wind whistled and howled through the cavern, making it seem lonely and cold, but we were out of the rain and that was a blessing. After securing the horses, we moved as far back into the cave as we could go. I collapsed in a heap, using my poncho as a blanket beneath me. I was so exhausted, in mind, body, and spirit. Francisco sat down next to me, his usual pensive expression growing increasingly grimmer. I sighed, knowing that it was time to clear the air between us, once and for all. True to my nature, I went on the offensive.

"You didn't wait long for me to be gone before you fell in love with Irene Beltran. That must have been a world record."

Francisco turned, his eyes wide. "I didn't plan for that to happen! It just did. I only thought of getting a job, making some money, taking pictures that mattered, doing something good with the only talent I had left that was allowed by the government. I never thought I would fall in love with her. I only thought that…"

"That you could have with her what you had with me? An intimate friendship? Sex and good times and someone to care if you lived or died?"

Francisco looked down at me, frowning. "Is that all you thought we had?"

"I know it's all we had. Or else you would have never fallen in love with her."

The silence stretched between us, as Francisco leaned against the wall and digested what I'd said. Finally he sighed, moving to lie next to me on the poncho.

"I'm sorry, Juanita," he whispered, taking my hand in his as we lay looking up at the ceiling. "I did care for you. But what we do in the Shadows…it makes life seem so short, so tenuous. I reached out for you so I could feel alive."

I rose up on my elbow and looked down on him. "Don't you think that I turned to you in the same way? Every time you took me in your arms, it was proof that we'd survived another day. When we made love, it was like telling death, "Ha! We triumph again, not you!" Yes, I believe you cared for me. But what you have with Irene…it isn't the same. It's more."

Francisco looked into my eyes, lifting his hand to caress my cheek. "I will never forget you or any of the things we've shared, Juanita. A part of my heart will always be yours."

I sat up, pulling away from him. "No, Francisco. I don't want that. I won't take any part of your heart with me. I will leave you whole, just as I take myself whole, away from what we've shared. You belong to Irene now. Give her all of yourself, not just the parts you have left. If I were she, I would accept nothing less. And I won't, not in the future."

Francisco sat up next to me. "You deserve that, Juanita. A man who will give you love and passion, completely."

I smiled, leaning against his shoulder. "You're right. But I don't want any man to give me those things. I want to find them in myself first. Then he can come and share them with me."

Francisco smiled, kissing my forehead. "You've been reading my psychology books."

I laughed lightly. "Damn right I have. They make good sense, too."

We sat like that a long time, watching the lightning strike and the listening to the rumble of the heavy thunder as the wild, spring storm ripped through the mountains. At last the tempest subsided and we felt it was safe to resume the last part of our journey. We walked the horses outside, allowing them a brief drink from the stream. Francisco turned to me, tying the reins of his horse to a tree.

"Juanita…please…" he whispered, his eyes warm and sad. I looked up, unable to deny him what he so clearly needed. And what I needed, despite myself. He reached out for me, taking me in his arms with the familiarity of a long-time lover. I gave up my good intentions and allowed my heart a final moment with him, throwing my arms around him as he lowered his head to kiss me. His mouth was hot and searching as his lips met mine. We pressed our bodies together as the power of our desire melded us into a single flame. I lifted my leg to encircle his hip and he backed me up against the tree, grinding into me as our moans began to ascend. I knew that we would be naked in a matter of seconds, fulfilling our desires in the middle of this mountain pass. I wanted to let go, I wanted to feel the ecstasy that only he seemed to bring. I wanted him inside me, making me believe that the only thing that mattered was our passion.

But I didn't do that. I pushed him away. We stumbled backwards from each other, breathing heavily, a bit surprised by the heat of the fire still between us. I reached up and touched my lips with a shaking hand, still tasting the spicy sweetness of his skin. I knew I would miss him desperately in the months and years to come. But life had given me a challenge, and it was time for me to rise to it.

"It's time for us to go," I said, taking the reins of my horse and lifting myself into the saddle. Francisco stared at me for a moment as if weighing his decision, tempted between love and lust, between the inferno of a wildfire and the hearth that would always keep a blaze burning bright. Finally, I saw him silently choose. He lowered his head, putting his beret over his glossy black curls.

"Yes. It's time to go," he said, a touch of sadness in his voice. Both of us knew that it was for the best. But neither of us would ever forget.

I saw him for the last time the day that he and Irene escaped. We dressed as moving men and helped Irene hide in a huge traveling trunk, then loaded her into a van parked outside the Cardinal's home to get her out of the city. Then she and Francisco donned disguises and boarded a sedan that would take them on the next leg of their quest for freedom. Just before they drove away, he looked back at me, his eyes telling me all that he couldn't say in words. I waved and nodded, doing my best to smile. All was understood. I held back the tears as they drove out of sight, leaning back on the supportive shoulder of my new partner, Villarreal. Honor had its price. I had paid it, with all I possessed.

I opened the door of the machine, stepping out as the scenario ended, leaving me alone in the matrix room. Benny was there, waiting for me with a tall glass of Diet Dr. Pepper that I had previously requested. I drained the glass quickly, grateful for his attentiveness. He smiled, taking the empty glass from me.

"So, did you find what you wanted inside?" he asked, smiling benevolently.

"No," I said, taking off the poncho and rolling it into a ball to return to him. "I didn't find what I wanted. But I got what I needed."

"Isn't that all we truly want, in the end?" Benny asked, taking the poncho and leading me down the corridor to the waiting room. I smiled to myself, shaking my head.

Benny was definitely not naïve.