Miguel vs. Miguel

by Mylene

Miguel Bain was lying on his bed in his hotel. He looked on his watch and decided that it was time for a cigarette. He grabbed one from the package that was lying beside him on the bed. As he lit the cigarette, he also decided that he would go to the place where he had decided that that the next mark would die; at the cemetery where the mark would be tomorrow. He looked at the laptop on the table at the other and of the room. Damn, he should have placed it somewhere nearer to him. He hated it to do much when he was preparing for a new hit.

Miguel Alvarez was in a terrible mood. Tomorrow would be the funeral of Andy, although he was dead for almost a week. He still couldn't believe it that he would never be able to talk to him, or even yell at him. He had always loved it to make a little fight with Andy, and he loved it even more when the doctors had found that damn aids virus in Andy's body. It had given him the feeling that Andy was thinking about him, and not of that virus, or the process against Whyant Wheeler Tedlow Hellerman and Brown. He walked to the room where Andy's body was lying. The coffin was closed, but not forever, for Miguel lifted the lid and looked at the face he had kissed a thousand times, to the mouth that had kissed him once. Miguel bent down and kissed Andy for the last time. It was his choice that the man who had laid him inside the coffin hadn't closed it forever. He wanted to be able to see the face of the man he had loved for over eight years. Within a few hours he would be able to see that face again.

He thought of the time that he had first saw Andy. It was just after his split with Tonio Escopeta. What Tonio had done after their split up, he didn't know. Maybe he was having a new lover.

Miguel Bain was at the place where he was supposed to make the hit. While he was waiting he saw the car where the dead body was, that these people were about to put into the earth. Sitting on a rock and smoking a cigarette, he watched the people arrive. There were many cars, and Miguel was surprised to see a few camera people arrive. What the hell was this for kind of person? When he had checked the mark, he thought that this was a normal person, not someone that was very interesting to the rest of the world. The only thing was that he was a lawyer, just like the person who was about to be buried.

Or that was what he knew about it. Usually he knew more about the mark, but this time he had got the contract just one day ago. And because he was on the other end of the world he didn't have that much time for good research. A new car had arrived. Out of the car stepped a man Miguel knew very well. It was Miguel Alvarez.

As Miguel Alvarez arrived at the cemetery, the crowd that was gathered stunned him. There were a lot of people, and not only friends, but also people that had followed the process against Whyant Wheeler. And people protesting against gay people. He looked around and saw that Andy's ex-boss also was here for the ceremony. Oh, how much he hoped that this person would not stay till the end. As he was looking around he saw a figure standing near a tombstone. But he couldn't see who it was, for he was standing right in the way of the sun lines. Or if he knew the man, for it was obviously a man. Those slim hips, and broad shoulders, where did he saw that before?

Miguel Alvarez turned to face the gate where the people had gathered.

He saw a priest, and he heard words that he had heard on the first day of the process.

"It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"

He turned again and saw that his sister and lots of others that he knew were standing beside him. His sister hugged him, and the parents of Andy also came to him. He was glad that they still wanted to see him, but on the other side, they had loved him as a son. Andy's father asked him how things were going right now. Miguel didn't know how to answer. He knew how Andy death had caught them. And all the time Miguel just wanted to be somewhere else, where were there were no caring friends, or family members. The crowd was finally ready to walk to the place where Andy would be buried.

Ai, ai, ai, ai, thought Miguel Bain as he watched Miguel Alvarez. Damn, what the hell was he doing here? Miguel Alvarez, the only person who knew a little about his past. And right beside him was his mark. Damn how could he ever aim, if Miguel was standing near his mark?

He laughed a little to himself. The name he took after their split-up was a little reminder of the man who had loved him. Miguel. Yeah that was only a reminder that he never was allowed to lose his mind again. And he had lost his mind, during the three months that they had been lovers. He was then a 'starting' assassin, and he didn't have a name then, at least not so much as now. Miguel never knew where he got his money. But then there was send a treat to Tonio that was then his name. Some people had found out his identity and if he hadn't left Miguel, Miguel would be dead right now. Miguel. How often he thought of the person he still loved, and every time he had made love after their split-up, he had thought of how it was to make love to him. The crowd had finely arrived to the place where the body was about to be buried.

Miguel aimed as the people were standing still, and he fired, killing the man instantly, but to make sure, he fired twice. The body landed on the ground with a thud. The crowd was immediately hysterical, and started to run.

Miguel always enjoyed it when the people were running as chickens without a head. Fools, he thought. He looked at Miguel who was looking at his direction again, and he saw from the look in his eyes that Miguel had recognized him.

Miguel Bain turned, and left the cemetery.

Tonio! Miguel Alvarez was stunned. What was he doing here, and who had killed that fat bastard? Could it be that he was the mark and that the man had blocked the view? Could it be that Tonio had something to do with it? He looked at the dead man on the ground, right beside him. He was frozen stiff, as he had saw the man fall. He thought of his wish, that the man would not stay till the end of the end. Well it seemed that he didn't have done that. Miguel stayed until the police came, and they soon send him towards his home, after he had told what he had seen. Miguel didn't tell that he had seen Tonio, for maybe he was involved with it. And he didn't want to make it to difficult for Tonio. After all, he was his ex-lover.

Miguel Bain had safely arrived at his hotel where he made clear that he would leave the next day. As he walked to the elevators he thought once again of Miguel Alvarez. He wanted to see him, but how was he going to do that? Damn, he was getting weak! What was this shit? Why was he making a conscience?

As he walked into the waiting elevator, he pushed hard on the button. The elevator arrived at the floor where Miguel's room was. He opened the door, and as he closed the door behind him, he yelled.

"Fuck, shit, motherfucker!"

He was angry with himself, for he was once again under the spell of Miguel Alvarez. But he couldn't control himself, and before he knew what he was doing, he had picked up the laptop, and started searching for anything of Miguel Alvarez.

Miguel Alvarez was at his home. Almost everybody had gone after they had said their condolences to him. Andy's body still wasn't buried, but the people at the cemetery would take care of that. They would do it without any one, when the police was finished with their investigation.

They also said that this was very unusual, but if Miguel would, he could be there. Andy and Miguel's parents were already gone when the people of the cemetery had called. Miguel's sister was there still, and she looked at him with sorrowful eyes. Miguel just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to forget the whole thing, and go on with his live, if that was possible. His sister got of the couch and kissed him on the cheek.

"Take care of yourself. I won't tell anyone that they are going to bury Andy, so you can be there all by yourself. I can see it in your eyes, that you want that."

And with that his sister left. A few minutes later Miguel also left. As he walked down the stairs, Miguel felt that someone was watching him. Miguel spun on his heels, and looked directly in the eyes of Tonio Escopeta.

Miguel Bain looked in the eyes of the man which name he used already such a long time.

"Miguel."

Miguel Bain felt that he was smiling. Damn, he never smiled to people, only when he was planning to kill them. And he wasn't going to kill this man, was he?

"Tonio, what… How did you get here? I mean..."

Miguel Bain interrupted the other Miguel while he was still talking.

"Shhh. Calm down, sweetie. I just wanted to see you again. And so I came."

"I was just heading for the cemetery, will you come with me? I mean, I'm going myself, and there will be no others. At least that means, if the cops already left."

Miguel Bain was caught by Miguel Alvarez' eyes. Those beautiful eyes, how he missed them.

"Of course, I will come with you. Let's go, sweetie."

Both Miguels turned, and walked to Miguel Alvarez' car. They drove to the cemetery; they didn't speak. But they looked at each other. As they reached the cemetery, they stepped out of the car, and walked to the entrance. They followed the path to the place where the coffin of Andy still stood. Miguel Bain looked at the ground and saw that there was still a trail of blood on the ground. There was already a man to let down the coffin, and Miguel Bain laid his arm around the shoulders as the coffin steady go down. Miguel Bain felt that Miguel Alvarez was trembling, and he pushed him more towards himself. As the ceremony ended, Miguel Bain turned Miguel Alvarez, and hugged him. As he did that, he felt Miguel Alvarez started to cry. Miguel rocked slightly back and forth.

As Miguel Alvarez lay in Tonio's arms, felt that the tears had dried. Miguel looked up, and than laid his head on Tonio's shoulder. He felt that Tonio laid his head against his.

"Thank you, Tonio, Thank you," Miguel whispered

"Come, let's go to your home." Tonio's voice was husky.

They turned, and Tonio's arm stayed on Miguel's shoulders.

They reached the house a couple of minutes later. Miguel walked first the stairs up, and Tonio followed. As they were into the house of Miguel were, Tonio (as Miguel still called him, not knowing that he had taken another name) walked into the living room, where he sat down in a comfortable chair. Miguel Alvarez was in the hall, looking at Tonio, and then walked to the kitchen, where he took two cans of beer, out of the refrigerator. Into the living room, Miguel gave one of the cans to Tonio, who opened it immediately. As Miguel watched Tonio drink from his beer, Miguel felt that he was once again captured by the sight of Tonio. Only the hair was longer now, but for the rest he hadn't changed.

"You didn't change, did you?" Miguel asked.

"Oh I am changed, but you don't want to know how." Tonio had now a cold tone in his voice, and Miguel didn't heard it before.

"How did you change, Tonio?" Miguel was curious to know why he looked so closed, so not wanting people get near him. What the hell had happened?

"I changed my name, and that's all I'm gonna say." Tonio looked determined that he wouldn't reveal his new personality.

But Miguel was as much determined to find out what had changed in Tonio.

Why the fuck was Miguel asking so many questions? That's not how he remembered Miguel Alvarez. Miguel Bain was mad. Mad at himself, at Miguel, at the whole world. Why the hell didn't go, like he had planned? What the fuck was going on inside of him? He couldn't remember that he had felt like this before, to be so un-independent, so out of control. He hated it to be out of control. Dammit.

"Don't you want to know what my name is right now?"

"Well, unless you want to share it with me, I want to know what your name is."

What was he thinking? Why else did he say it? For not wanting to reveal it to the man he still loved? What had happened to the old Miguel Alvarez?

"My name at this very moment is Bain, Miguel Bain."

Miguel Alvarez looked amazed.

"MIGUEL Bain? Why did you use my name? Or isn't it my name you used?"

Miguel couldn't help, but laugh.

"I did indeed use your name, aren't you proud?" He grinned as he said it.

Miguel Alvarez was stunned by the sound of the laugh Tonio… eh… Miguel produced. It sounded abnormal. It sounded manic, or hysterical, but not normal.

"What happened to you? I mean your laughter, that's not normal, Tonio."

Miguel Alvarez really cared what had happened with Tonio. Or Miguel. For him it was Tonio and it stayed Tonio. He could change his name a thousand times, but for him it stayed Tonio. Forever.

Miguel noticed that the Miguel's can of beer was empty, and he walked once again towards the kitchen. But Tonio's voice stopped him.

"Sweetie, where are you going, can't stand that I became this human being?"

Miguel spun fast on his heels. The anger was quite visible in his eyes.

"The way you laughed, wasn't human, Tonio, and never try to call me sweetie!"

He was mad. At Tonio, and everything else. The fact that Andy died, the fact that Andy's ex-boss was killed today, and the fact that he felt so damn helpless with Tonio in one room.

"Hey, honey, I didn't mean to upset you. I swear it I didn't mean to upset you. It's just, seeing you again, after all these years, I do not know how to react on you. I mean, I am changed, but you're also my friend. You've also changed a lot."

Tonio had left his chair, and while he talked, he had walked towards Miguel, and hugged him. Miguel didn't respond to Tonio's hug. And then he felt them. Tonio's lips. On his neck. By then, Miguel couldn't stop himself and started to search for Tonio's lips. He kissed them passionately. He sucked on Tonio's lower lip, and slid his tongue over it, caressing it.

Miguel Bain felt his knees start to buckle, and the cursed under his breath his knees. But he loved the man he held, and he thought once again of making love to this man. But he was mourning. But on the other hand, he never cared what other people were feeling. A little voice in his head said, but you always cared for Miguel, that's why you left him. And that was what his brain needed to end the kiss. He looked in the eyes of Miguel, and saw lust, pure lust in them. But he wasn't going to fulfill that lust. No he was leaving right now. And with that Miguel turned and walked towards the door.

"Tonio. Where are you going. Let me come with you baby. I want to stay with you tonight. Please."

Miguel Bain looked over his shoulder and saw the pleading look in the eyes of Miguel. You have all night, said that little, irritating voice again. You said to the employee at the hotel that would leave tomorrow. Well, it isn't 5 o'clock. You've got the time. This time Miguel gave in to the little voice, and said:

"Okay, you can come with me, but only for this night. You can't stay with me, Miguel. I can't take you. But for now you can come."

And with that both Miguel's left the building, and rode to the hotel where Miguel stayed in. As they were inside of the room, they kissed again. They made love and afterwards, they were lying completely exhausted beside each other, their legs and arms tangled.

"I missed you, Tonio. I know, I know, your name right now is Miguel, but for me you'll always be Tonio. My first lover."

Miguel Bain felt his heart pounding as Miguel Alvarez spoke these words. How was he ever able to leave him?

When Miguel Alvarez the next morning awoke, he didn't know directly where he was. But then he remembered. He had made love to Tonio. As he turned his head, he saw that Tonio wasn't there, but there was lying a note on the pillow. Miguel reached for it, and started to read it.

Miguel.

When you read this I'll be very far from here, and it is possible that you'll never see me again. But you'll have to know, I will always remember you. Always.

I will miss you. Tonio

PS - the bill is paid, and you can take any breakfast you want. I took care of every thing. Take care of yourself.

Miguel pushed the note against his chest, after he had finished reading. He still knew nothing about the fact if Tonio was involved with the shooting yesterday, but he knew for sure Tonio had done it. That was very clear to him.

"You also take care, Tonio. I will miss you too," whispered Miguel. And with that he left the bed, pulled his clothes on, and left the hotel.