From The Moment I Saw Him - I Loved Him

By Chrissy

"I need a good strong women to bear sons for me," he said as we cuddled on the bed. Luis had recently visited Florida and had brought back several bags of oranges. We had eaten oranges until we became sick of the taste. Orange peel was strewn about the coverlet, and the tangy perfume of oranges filled the room.

"But you already have two fine sons," I wanted to say. Antonio was now a tall strong boy of ten years. He looked so much like Luis; I found it strange that Luis never commented on the fact. My younger son, Jose, was fair with green eyes like myself, but his countenance was that of his father's. They both belonged to Luis, I would swear to it. And Luis was almost fatherly in his provision for my boys. He gave me frequent and generous gifts of money, which paid for a tutor to come twice a week to instruct them in reading, writing and arithmetic.

They were good, respectful boys despite the kind of quarters in which they were raised. They saw an unsavory side of life that most children knew nothing about until they were grown. But despite it all my boys remained well behaved and courteous.

It was a few months later when Luis showed me a photo of a plain, homely woman and

"She arrives next week," he said. "And we will be married right away"

I stared back at the irregular features of the woman in the photo. Her complexion appeared sallow, her hair lank and straight, her mouth thin and without wit or generosity. Her eyes were small, yet wistful as they stared back at me from the photo. They seemed to beg for some kindness and to ask an apology for her own shortcomings.

I was surprised, expecting an American woman to have attitude and grandeur. This was not a woman of distinction. This woman was ordinary in the extreme.

Luis saw my look. "She will bear my children and be a good dutiful wife. She will respectfully keep her place."

I grinned mischievously at him, digging him in the ribs. "But will she suck your cock?"

He threw back his head and laughed. "Not likely!"

"Then Sunday afternoons will continue to be ours?" I felt comfortably secure in the knowledge that Julia Russell would be no threat to me.

I hardly gave a thought to the fact that Luis would be married within days. It seemed of no importance or consequence to me. I wish now that I had foreseen the future. If I had known that Luis would never lie again with me, I would have cherished our last times together savoring every small caress, every touch, every sigh.

He did not come to me the Sunday following his wedding day. Nor the next Sunday, nor the Sunday after that.

Worried and confused I drifted about the brothel going about my business with only half a mind. Why didn't he come? What was wrong? I missed Luis in a thousand ways. I missed his smile and the sound of his voice. But most of all I missed the comfortable sense of security with which he had surrounded me. Still, I was certain he would soon appear in my bedchamber, his grin wide, his amber eyes clouded with desire, his cock hard and eager. Just like old times.

Maybe his new wife was proving more of an obstacle to our relationship than Luis had expected. But no matter how I chewed it over I could never understand Luis's absence. Luis was not the type of man to be led around by the nose, no woman ever commanded him. If he wanted to visit his whore, he would come.

I was in the small courtyard of the brothel, drinking brandy wine and smoking one of the small cigarettes to which I had taken such a fancy. It was a slow afternoon, too hot to be about anything. My boys were off with their friends swimming in a local waterhole and I sat lazily chatting with Jannine and Catherine.

"I've heard your Luis is besotted with his new American wife," Jannine said somewhat maliciously. "They say he is completely smitten and never leaves her side."

Having seen the sallow looking woman in the photo, I found this hard to believe. I decided Jannine was being nasty and gave her a venomous glare. "Just mind your own business!" I snapped, "Luis has promised me he will be back, and he will. He has his reputation to consider. That's all."

"They say she is a raving beauty," Jannine continued, her eyes glittering. "This new wife of his."

"Christ!" I returned hotly, "I've seen the photograph. The woman is no beauty, I'll warrant you."

"Ahh - but there was a misunderstanding you see. It was not the woman in the photo who arrived on the ship from America. It was another woman. A woman of considerable splendor and your Luis is completely bewitched."

I wondered if this were true or if Jannine was inventing a story to get my goat. We had never been real friends.

"He's not *my* Luis," I snapped.

"Not any more," Jannine returned. "Think what you like, Melina, but he is lost to you. Be assured, your Luis no longer requires the attentions of a common whore. He has found another more attractive pursuit. His very own wife." She rose to her feet with a haughty swish of stiff petticoats. "I'm tired with this heat, I'm going inside for a nap."

Catherine, who was of a much more kindly disposition, took my hand. "She's a bitch," she said of the departing Jannine.

"She's a lying bitch," I growled. I drained my wine glass.

"It's not a lie," Catherine said, her voice anxious and soft. "It's true. Luis's new wife is a rare beauty. You can see for yourself if you go to the piazza tonight following the supper hour. The two of them stroll there to take the evening air so I've been told."

And so, it was with a fearful heart that I took myself to the crowded piazza the very next evening and I saw for myself the new Mrs. Vargas.

If I had expected a sober prim housewife, a starched collar about her throat a linen cap covering her hair, then I was sadly mistaken. Even at a distance Julia Russell was quite a sight to behold. She strolled confidently, her arm linked possessively through that of her husband's, her eyes watchful, moving from side to side at all times, seeing everything, missing nothing. An air of self-assurance followed every step she took. This was not the woman in the photo; this was a woman of significance. This woman would satisfy Luis in bed. She would satisfy him completely and in every way. Between the sheets she would be adventurous with both her body and his. I hated her instantly.

She was tall, slim and graceful. Her body moved provocatively. She wore a low cut lace and ribbon trimmed bustle gown of rose taffeta, the full roundness of her breasts obvious and bobbing with every step she took. Apparently Luis had no qualms about his new wife employing corsets for it was evident that under her dress she wore a boned stomacher pulled tight to squeeze her waist to even more slender proportions.

As I moved closer my heart began to pound. I had always taken great care to avoid Luis in the world beyond the brothel. He was an important businessman with a reputation to uphold. Would Luis be angry with me? My reason for strolling in the piazza at this time of night would be glaringly apparent. And I had taken as much care with my own ensemble as his wife.

My gown had been purchased for me by Luis himself. It was as low cut as hers, yet much more practical for it consisted of cool white linen, with belled, elbow length sleeves and a full long skirt caught up with silk violets to reveal a ruffled petticoat of starched frilled cotton. I had taken care to wear the white silk stockings that Luis's loved so much.

But I need not have worried about Luis's reaction, for he had eyes only for his wife. They spoke together with intimacy as they strolled arm in arm and I watched as Luis threw back his head and laughed at something she said.

Sudden sick raging jealousy washed through me. I felt I might vomit from nerves right there in the piazza. I hesitated and slowed my step, not wanting to pass them now. I no longer had any desire to see my adversary up close.

I moved to change direction, but the strolling couple was upon me and I found myself looking into the boldest of stares I had ever encountered. Her eyes chilled me. They were shrewd and calculating and without depth. This woman was a user. This woman would take whatever she wanted from life without ever asking permission. A cold fear for Luis's well-being clutched at my stomach. Sick with unexpected anguish, I lowered my eyes but then found my stare returning to meet hers. An attempt at a polite smile spread her plump lips, which appeared almost decadent in their abundance of flesh.

She offered me a cool nod of her head - one attractive woman summarizing and assessing another - and then she dismissed me. I was of no importance. She turned back to her husband, her eyes dropping to his lips in a most suggestive manner. Luis did not even see me, so entranced was he with his new wife. His captive gaze never once left her face. He had never looked at me with such naked devotion.

The world spun and I almost toppled to the ground, a cry of wretchedness falling from my lips. I had the terrible feeling that I was going to fall apart, collapse into a million little pieces from head to toe.

I stumbled back to my rooms in a daze of despair. Whatever I hoped for the future, whatever I held dear in the present was lost to me. This woman had destroyed everything and the destruction was complete. There seemed to be nothing on which to build any hope. She had Luis and I would be forever alone.

I spent the next several weeks lying in bed, unwashed, uncaring, my hair a mass of tangled snarls. I could not eat. I could not sleep. I had faced bitter dark moments of desolation before - but this was something more terrible. I saw no more reason to live. I wanted to die.

It was my sons who brought me back to life, of course. Their worried faces and distressed expressions of concern reminded me that I had responsibilities and a need to earn money if we were to survive.

With a heavy heart I went back to my life as a whore. But I remained spiritless and uninterested in anything. I was going through the motions, my inner self listless and apathetic.

But I was to see Luis one more time.

***

"May I borrow your bristle brush?" Jannine asked breezing into my room one morning. I was still a-bed and half asleep. I sat up, bleary eyed. "Of course, it's in the drawer."

I watched her suspiciously, searching for a motive for her visit. We were not friends. She never came into my room.

She began to brush her hair vigorously, and then she turned to me, her eyes glittering. I realized she had some secret morsel she was longing to divulge.

"I have news," she said, a slyness in her eyes.

"You always have news," I returned dryly, stretching my arms and yawning. "Why buy a newspaper when we have you, eh, Jannine?"

"It's about Luis." I sensed a breathless maliciousness in her manner and stiffened.

"What about Luis?" I asked carefully.

"He's been seen at the brothel in Lantern Alley?"

I rolled my eyes with irritation. What a fool Jannine was! Sinking to such low depths just to annoy me. "Good heavens, Jannine," I sighed. "Luis would NEVER go to such a vile establishment. It's filthy and run over with rats. And the whores are fat and diseased. Anyway," I looked at her pointedly. "Wasn't it YOU who took such joy in informing me of the happiness of his new marriage? Why would Luis of all people visit such a disgusting place?"

She laid down the brush and then turned to me, her eyes gloating, enjoying her piece of gossip. "It's true! My friend Ana is working at that whorehouse and she told me that Luis has been there for two nights since. He's lain with most of the whores and is…"

"You lying bitch!" I cried madly, coming up from the bed with such viciousness, I felt I would kill her there and then. She gave a frightened little gasp and took a step backwards.

"I'm not lying," she declared resolutely, moving quickly away as I advanced. "It's true. And they say Luis is mad with drink all the time. They say he carries a gun in his hand at all times. They say he has lost his mind."

"Get out!" I warned, my voice low and trembling with rage, "Get out before I kill you!"

With a frightened little whimper she pulled aside the curtain and left. I flopped back onto the bed angrily, my emotions in a turmoil, tears of rage in my eyes, raw bile in the pit of my stomach. How dare she!! How dare she come to me with such lies!!

I remained unsettled and restless the rest of the day trying to rid Jannine's hateful lies from my head. When night came it was filled with humid storms and lashing rain. Despite the weather, the brothel bustled with ardent patronage. I lay with a man atop me thrusting frantically, his savage grunts in my ear. I felt nothing. I was detached from the action. I passed time by imagining ways I could murder the hateful Jannine.

Far away in the distance, I heard loud voices from downstairs and then the thump of someone racing up the stairs and shouting. Then suddenly the curtain to my room was ripped back and the man on my body violently hoisted from me by the very hair on his head.

Open-mouthed I gaped up into the dim room, lit by dying candles, and to my shock I saw Luis standing there looking down at me. My customer began to babble and complain, but one look into Luis's demented expression sent him on his way. Grabbing his clothes he raced from the room.

I stood up from the bed and covered myself with a robe. I stared through the dimness at the man before me. My initial joy at seeing Luis again was quelled by the sight of him. He looked dreadful. I had never seen him appear as bad. His red rimmed eyes were bleary and bloodshot, his face dirty and unshaven, his curls wild about his head.

He stank of whiskey and sweat as he staggered heavily toward me. Hearing the commotion, my son Antonio came into the room a worried look in his eyes. "What's wrong, mama? Are you okay?"

"Go to the pump and bring a fresh pitcher of water," I cried, my arms going around Luis. He stumbled, leaning hard against me. It was obvious he was reeling drunk.

"Luis, Luis?" I cried, "What on earth is wrong?"

"She's left me," he muttered thickly. "She's left me and taken all my money."

My heart stopped. Then pounded on with overwhelming joy. I wanted to laugh out loud. I wanted to dance. I wanted to sing. The bitch was gone. The bitch had left. And Luis had come straight to me. I had him back. He was mine again.

He stood swaying, muttering and cursing beneath his breath. Antonio returned to the room with the water and quickly I poured some into a glass. "Here, Luis, drink this." I offered the glass to him, but he knocked it away, "No. No. I want whiskey. Only whiskey."

"Luis, please! Drink the water. You'll feel so much better."

"I don't want to feel better," he growled roughly, his words slurred one over the other. "Don't you understand? I want to FEEL like I am in hell, because I AM in hell."

"Don't be silly!" I cried encouragingly, holding his arms to steady him. He was scaring me with his wild talk. His face was wet with sweat. He had a two days growth of stubble on his sunken cheeks. His eyeballs were bloodshot, his eyes unfocused. Yet still I found him beautiful. Yet still I loved him. I would always love him.

He swayed and staggered, suddenly falling backwards, I clutched at him desperately trying to save him, but he was too heavy and we both crashed to the floor. I pulled myself up, but Luis lay there, his eyes closed, his mouth open in an unconscious drunken stupor.

"Help me get him onto the bed!" I cried to Antonio, who had remained there looking in horror at the man he only knew to be kindly and upright.

Antonio took his shoulders and I took his feet and we dragged him onto the bed, where he lay on his back, his head tossing back and forth, muttering unintelligible words beneath his breath.

Shooing Antonio from the room I pulled off Luis's shoes and peeled down his trousers. My eyes went to the hypnotic line of ebony hair leading to his sleeping penis, which lay flaccid and soft. I could not help myself; I leaned to kiss the sweet tip. Then I lay down next to the man I adored with all of my heart.

He tossed and turned for several hours before coming around to his senses. I must have dozed for when I opened my eyes he lay there, leaning up on one elbow and looking at me. His expression was humble and contrite and as guilty as if he had done some shameful thing.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. His breath was sour on me and he slid a tongue between dry cracked lips as if to wet them. I turned to pour water for him and this time he took the glass and drank, swallowing avidly as if he could not get enough.

I thought everything was going to be fine. I smiled happily at him. "Don't be sorry, Luis. I'm just glad to have you back in my bed."

At my words he struggled up, then held his hands to his head as a wave of dizziness assailed him. "Lay back down," I urged gently pushing him with my hands. To my surprise he roughly shoved me away.

"No. I'm leaving. I have to go."

"No, no, Luis. You must stay here tonight and rest. You will have a horror of a hangover tomorrow. I'll take care of you, darling."

But he was pushing me away and dragging himself to the edge of the bed where he put his feet to the ground and stood unsteadily swaying back and forth. Then he pulled at his clothes, which were in a heap on the floor.

"I only came back for one reason, Melina." His voice was hoarse and strangely flat. He fumbled in the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a heavy leather pouch, closed by drawstrings and bulging with coins. He held it out to me.

"There should be enough in here to take care of you and your sons for several years. I suggest you invest the money with a banker and be sure to get a good interest return."

I stared, as he shoved the pouch into my hand. "You said she took all your money!" I stammered wide-eyed.

He smiled grimly, not looking at me. "No, not all. I still have some holdings."

"Luis…"

But he continued, speaking quickly, giving me no chance to interrupt. "The money is gold and silver coins. Deposit it at a bank right away. Don't carry it around with you. Find a reliable bank that will allow you a good interest and will permit you to take small amounts on demand. I want you to leave this brothel, now - first thing tomorrow. Your sons are fine boys. I don't want them raised here. Find yourself some respectable apartments; find new friends, new acquaintances. Get a life that is decent and honest and which befits a fine girl like you, Melina. This is not the life for you."

I stood staring at him, horrified at the brusque impersonal tone of his voice. "Luis..." I started again, but my voice broke. He was pulling on his trousers, yanking his boots onto his feet.

He stood up, fully dressed and pushed back his curls from his forehead. "I have to go."

Anxiously, I moved to block his way. "Luis! Luis! What are you saying? You can stay here. We can just continue our lives. Forget about her. Forget you were ever married to that bitch."

"Don't you understand?! I don't want to forget her. I have to find her," his voice was low and remote. He tried to move past me. "I have to find her. I HAVE to."

"Why? Why?" I cried in anguish. "Why do you have to find a woman who has stolen from you?"

"Because I want to kill her." came the ice-cold reply. He stomped towards the curtain and ripped it back.

"Luis!" I cried, desperate tears in my eyes. "Aren't you even going to kiss me?"

He hesitated for an instant and then returned into the room. His arms went around me with a rough eagerness that suggested some reluctance within himself to leave me. I clung to him, my fingers clutching his arms as though I could hold him there by sheer force of superior strength. His lips found mine and our tongues lashed and played deep within our mouths. But at last his fingers took hold of my wrists and he forced me away.

"Melina, Melina darling," his voice held a strange urgency. "I must go now."

"Will you come back some day?" I gave a sudden broken sob. I felt like some desperate frantic animal. "Will you ever come back?"

"I don't know," he looked deep into my eyes for a moment, and before I could quite realize what had happened he was through the curtain and gone. Stunned I stood for a moment, staring at the still swaying drapery. Then I sped from the room and out to the balcony railing. I looked down at him as he descended the stairs at break neck speed.

"Luis! Luis!" I yelled. He did not look up. "They're yours!" I cried in some kind of frenetic despair. "Antonio and Jose. They are your sons. You have sons. Fine, strong upstanding boys. Luis! Luis!"

But he was gone and I was calling into thin air, attracting the curious glances of various men on the stairs and below in the salon. With a hiccupped sob, I slumped slowly to my knees and my head dropped into my hands. Utter desolation filled me. He had heard my words; I knew that for a fact. But the news had not changed anything. He would continue his search for his precious Julia.

The next day I packed three sea trunks, ordered a carriage and traveled to the other side of the city. There I rented lodgings for myself and my boys in a respectable apartment house. I presented myself as a young widow of some means. It was not many months before I met Mr. Samuel Biggs of New York. He took me back to America where he made me his wife, adopted my boys, and I bore him two more sons of his own.

Through letters with Catherine in Cuba, I heard many rumors of Luis. I heard he had killed a man and had been put to death. I later heard that he found his Julia. I heard they left the country; that they went to live in Africa and were soon jailed for fraud in a poker game. Many years later, my sons grown, I learned he had returned to Cuba without his beloved Julia.

It was this last rumor that prompted me to leave my husband. I left my comfortable life in New York City; I left the good, honest man I had married. I sailed back to Cuba and embarked upon a dauntless quest to find my beautiful Luis.

I'm still looking for him as I write this. Years have gone by. I travel the island from end to end - never relenting in my crusade. I look in bars and dark alleys. I look everywhere. I know I will find him because it is meant to be. WE are meant to be. Luis and I. We are meant to be together.

Luis didn't understand, you see. He allowed himself to be blinded by a wicked woman. I have to find him and make him understand. We are joined souls. Joined souls in love. Luis loves me. Not Julia. Julia is nothing. Julie is gone. Julia no longer exists for Luis. But I am here. I will always be here. Luis loves me and I will always love him. Always.

From the moment I saw him - I loved him.