Uncontrolled Desire

By Denise

I am a student at Metro State College studying to be a psychologist. One of my requirements is to work a minimum of 400 hours in a placement program. I was given a list of doctors to choose from and I selected a Dr. Francisco Leal. I read his bio; it was interesting to learn that he has lived and worked in several countries like Chile, Spain and now here in the United States I couldn't wait to meet him.

I arrived at the clinic around 11 a.m. Just inside the lobby I found the directory and saw Dr. Leal's name, second floor. So I turned towards the elevator, pressed the up button, and waited. The elevator door opened, a man and a woman got out. I went inside and pushed the button that took me to the second floor. The door opened and found another directory, Dr. Leal room 223. I walked down the hall until I found his office. There was a plaque with three names, Dr. Stevens, Dr. Owen and Dr. Leal, next to the door, so I opened the door and came into a small reception area. A thin woman dressed in a white uniform with dark auburn hair with glasses came into the room. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"Yes, I have an appointment with Dr. Leal."

"You must me Jessica Anderson," she smiled.

"Yes I am."

"He's with a patient." She looked at her appointment book. "He should be back in about 15 minutes. Would you like wait; in his office?"

"Yes that would be fine."

We walked down the hall and stopped at an office with Dr. Francisco Leal on the door. She opened the door and I went in. "My name is Katie, if you need anything let me know."

"Okay, thanks." She finally left me alone. So I walked around the office noticing all of the degrees, pictures of his family and other accomplishments hanging on the wall; this was impressive.

I sat down in the soft leather chair in front of the desk when the door opened; I spun around and saw this gorgeous man walk in. Oh my! I sighed as I stood up to greet him. He came over to me and introduced himself, "I'm Dr. Francisco Leal. You must me Jessica."

His face was tanned with beautiful enchanting eyes and dark wavy hair. He had on an ivory colored shirt that was unbuttoned enough to expose the hair on his chest and dark brown pants. I checked him out from head to toe and the returning to his eyes. "Yes." I answered as I tripped on the leg of the chair.

He caught my arm to prevent me from falling. "Are you all right?"

"Yes." I was so embarrassed.

"Here sit down, so we can get to know each other. Do you need anything?"

"No. I'm fine." I looked up at him. "Thanks."

"Okay." He then went behind his desk and sat down. "So, Jessica you want to be a psychologist?"

"Yes I do."

"Tell me about yourself." He sat back in his chair.

His eyes were so intense as I struggled to find the words to say. "What would you like to know?" Why was he making me so nervous?

"Why did you choose this profession?"

"I want to help people."

"Why do you feel you are qualified to do this?"

"Actually, I'm not sure if I am qualified to do this," I said as I played with the strap on my handbag.

"Why do you say that?"

"All I know that I am required to work in this placement program, and I'm not sure what is expected of me."

"You will be learning what it takes to be a psychologist. You will be meeting with patients that I am presently seeing. You will listen to their problems and the try to help them." He paused as he put my file away in his desk drawer and the returned his attention back to me. "It will be a test to see how you handle certain situations. Then you will know if you have chosen the right career, okay."

"Okay." I shrugged my shoulders.

He then looked at the clock and said, "Let's go have some lunch. We can finish this when we get back."

We went to a restaurant that was across the street from the clinic. We were seated in a booth next to a window. The waitress came by and we both ordered a hamburger with fries and a Coke.

"Where are you from, Dr. Leal? I love your accent!"

"Jessica, we don't have to be so formal when we are out like this, just call me Francisco."

"Okay, Francisco," I acknowledged and smiled.

"I was born in Spain and grew up in Chile."

"Oh, that's right. I did read your bio."

'You did, huh?"

"Yes it was very interesting."

"Why?"

"I loved knowing that you have lived and worked in different countries."

"Oh. It isn't as glamorous as it may seem."

"Why did you move around so much?"

"Mostly because of political and military problems."

"Are you married?"

"I was married at one time. My wife passed away about 2 years ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry. How did she die?"

I watched him as he gazed out the window and then looked at me, with tears in his eyes. "I really don't want to talk about it. It is in the past and it is time to move on."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry into your personal life."

"I think it is time to get back to work."

We walked back to his office in silence. I sat down as he went over to the filing cabinet and took out a folder then sat down behind his desk. "I have chosen 3 of my patients for you to start out with." He handed me the folder that held the files. "You can take them home and study them, okay." He sat back in his chair. "Any questions?"

"Huh...no." I picked up my handbag, which had fallen on the floor.

"Good. I will see you tomorrow afternoon."

"Okay, I will see you tomorrow." I walked out of the clinic sat in my car and looked through the folder. The first patient, Marcos, he has been grieving about a girlfriend who died. The second patient, Antonio, has been accused of murder. The last patient, Juan, he is dealing with incest. Wow, this should be interesting!

***

Tuesday afternoon as I arrived at the clinic, I saw Dr. Leal and Katie returning from lunch. He had on a white shirt with navy blue slacks. They stopped in the lobby and kissed. She then went down the hallway as he turned around and noticed me. My face turned red when I realized what I was doing. "I'm sorry," I said as he approached me.

"For what?" He asked with amusement in his eyes.

"For watching you and that nurse, I should be more respectful."

He chuckled as we exchanged glances as we waited for the elevator. We went to his office I sat down in front of his desk while Dr. Leal sat down behind. He picked up the phone to check his messages and then said, "Our first patient has arrived. Shall we go?"

We walked down the hall then down the stairs to the first floor to a room where he met with his patients. He opened the door and I walked in there was a sofa, a couple of chairs, tables and a television. "This is neat!"

"I want my patients to be more comfortable while they are here. Sit down I will be right back."

He was gone only a few minutes when he came in with a young man; he had soft brown chair and wore glasses. Dr. Leal introduced us, "Marcos, this is my assistant Miss Anderson; she is a student and she will be here asking questions today."

"How are you today, Marcos?" I asked.

"Okay I think," Marcos responded.

"Well, shall we get started?" Dr. Leal asked.

Marcos sat down on the sofa. Dr. Leal and I sat down on the chairs across from Marcos. Dr. Leal looked at me with an encouraging smile as I held my breath for a moment, hoping I was ready for this.

"Why are you here? I was just reading through your file and I would like to start from the beginning."

He cleared his throat. "Well…" He looked around the room. "I work for a newspaper. I had an assignment to report on a circus that was in town and that is when I met this amazing woman. She was a performer, I fell in love with her and now she is dead." He laid his head back as he began to cry.

I got up and handed him a tissue. "Would you like something to drink?"

He nodded. "Coke please."

I got a bottle from the cooler opened it and gave it to him. "Are you okay? Do you want too continue?" I asked.

"Yes," he said as his hand trembled as he took a drink.

"So then what happened? How did she die?" I asked as I sat down.

"I had to go out of town; while I was gone she was raped and when I finally found her it was too late - she died in my arms." He removed his glasses and covered his eyes with his hand as he cried.

My eyes filled with tears. "Will you excuse me for a minute." I got up and went out in the hall Dr. Leal followed me.

"What's wrong?"

I leaned against the wall. "I don't know if I can do this." I was close to crying.

"Why don't you meet me back at my office?" He then went back into the room.

I headed back to Dr. Leal's office but stopped at the restroom for a moment to try to pull myself together, wondering if I can do this. Am I strong enough to listen to all of these tragic stories? Katie looked up at me as I went pass her. The door was open. I peeked in and he was there, waiting for me.

"Are you all right?"

I walked in and closed the door. "Yeah I'm okay." I stood in front of his desk and looked at him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall apart like that." I then sat down and looked away as my eyes filled with tears again.

He rose from his chair came over to me. "Come here." He reached down then took my hand and helped me out of the chair.

"I can't help that I am so sensitive."

"Jessica, it's okay." He embraced me.

"No it's not." I tried to hold back my tears. His voice was so calming and his arms so inviting. I laid my head against his chest. "Here I want to be a doctor and I am falling apart." I looked up into those dark sensitive eyes. "Aren't they supposed to be…strong?"

"Yes they are, but we are also human." Then he bent his head down and softly kissed me. He hesitated for a moment, as our eyes met. I sighed deeply as I closed my eyes when our lips touched again. The kiss was deeper than before, I seemed to be under his spell, wanting to surrender myself to him, but I soon became aware of what I was doing.

"No!" I broke free from his arms. "What are you doing to me? This isn't right!"

"Why? What's wrong?"

I stared into his dark enticing eyes as I backed away from him. "I'm your student!" My heart was pounding with excitement, wanting to go back for more. "That's why!"

"Okay. Let's get back to work." He turned away and sat down behind his desk again. He sat back in his chair and looked at me. "You are right, I shouldn't have kissed you."

I was feeling confused and I didn't know how I should feel. "I think it's time for me to leave. I have had enough for the day." I picked up my things and headed for the door, I turned around and asked. "Shall I come back tomorrow?"

"Yes." He got up and met me at the door. "I'm sorry if I offended you."

"Oh, it's okay." I looked up at him and smiled. "I know you were trying to make me feel better." I turned around opened the door and left. I sat in my car thinking about the day and that kiss. Oh, it was nice! Can't wait for tomorrow!

***

When I arrived Wednesday afternoon, Katie gave me a message for me to meet Dr. Leal downstairs in the meeting room. The door was closed so I knocked.

"Come in." I opened the door and found him sitting on the sofa he looked up at me and smiled. "Good you came back, I didn't scare you too much."

"Yeah, I came back," I smiled shyly.

"Our next patient will be here in about 10 minutes. Sit down and relax."

I sat down in the chair watching him work. He looked up his eyes met mine. I quickly looked away.

"How was school today?"

"Boring." I picked up a magazine that was on the table next to me.

"Why was it boring?"

"I don't know. I was just excited to come back here again. This is more interesting then school."

"I'm pleased to hear that."

His pager went off. "I'll be back in a minute." Dr. Leal returned with his next patient. "Miss Anderson this is Antonio."

He reached out to shake my hand. "Glad to meet you, Miss Anderson."

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable so we can get started," Dr. Leal suggested.

"So, Antonio why are you here?" I asked.

His eyes were fixed on me. "I'm only here because my parole officer told me I needed to see a psychologist."

"So what did you do?"

"I am accused of murder."

"Did you?"

"What?" He leaned forward with his arms resting on his knees, making me feel uneasy.

"Did you murder someone?"

"Maybe I did," he grinned. "Did you know you have great legs?"

"No I didn't know that."

"You do." He winked at me as he sat back again.

"Thanks." I looked over at Dr. Leal; he seemed amused.

"Okay, Antonio, tell me about yourself. What do you do for a living?"

"I like to pick up rich woman," he said with a charming smile.

"Why?"

"They have money and they give me things."

"Like what?"

"Clothes, cars…"

"That's important to you?"

"Yes."

"And, you enjoy this?"

"Yes I do," he smiled.

"Do you think this is a problem?"

"No! I don't!" He leaned forward again.

Dr. Leal spoke up. "I hate to interrupt. The hour is about up and we will have to continue next week."

"Will Miss Anderson be here?" Antonio asked.

"I think so."

"Yes I will be here," I replied.

Dr. Leal showed Antonio out. While he was gone I gathered my things and started down the hall, when I saw Dr. Leal coming back towards me. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me?" His eyes sparkled with anticipation.

I thought about it for a minute. "I suppose I could."

"Good." We walked back upstairs to his office so he could get his coat and lock up for the night. As we were leaving Katie came in, "Good night Katie."

"Have a good evening, Dr. Leal," Katie responded.

"Oh, we will." He said as we went out the door. We left the clinic and directed me to his car, a black Porsche. He opened the car door and closed it after I got settled. He walked around climbed in and we were off to some unknown destination. "What are you hungry for?"

"I don't know - I will let you choose."

He pulled up to the Broker restaurant. "Is this acceptable?"

I looked down at myself. "I think I am a little underdressed."

"You look terrific!"

There was a man waiting to park the car. "I have never ate at a place where someone parks your car for you."

"Well, enjoy it."

He got out and came around to help me out of the car, then escorted me into the restaurant. He had made reservations, so the hostess guided us to a corner table. The lights were down low with candles at each table. He pulled out my chair; I sat down and then he sat across from me. I looked at the menu as the waiter came by and Francisco ordered some wine. He came back a few minutes later to take our dinner order.

"Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Yes thank you," I said as I took a drink of wine.

"Are you dating anyone?" His eyes sparkled in the candlelight.

"I have been seeing this guy, Don, but it's nothing serious. With school I don't seem to have the time to date."

"Why did you start school so late?"

"Well, after high school I wasn't sure what kind of career I wanted, so I continued doing office work until I decided what I wanted to do. I also didn't have the money to go to collage."

"So where did you find the money?"

"I inherited it from my grandparents."

"Oh I see."

Dinner finally arrived, but I couldn't eat. Every time I would look at him I could feel this uncontrollable desire stirring deep inside me.

"What's wrong? Aren't you hungry?" he asked.

"No," I said as I played with my food. "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

I glanced up at him. "That patient today." I was lying I had to think of something to tell him.

"What about him?" He continued eating.

"He said he had been accused of murder."

"Does that bother you?" He looked at me as he took a drink of wine.

"Yes it does. He acted like it was no big deal."

"He could be innocent."

"Yes that is true." I looked away from his eyes.

"Are you finished with dinner?"

"Yes." I turned my eyes back upon those dazzling dark eyes and then down to his luscious lips.

He reached across the table and touched my arm. "Tell me what's wrong?"

I trembled at his touch. "Francisco, I'm sorry." I sighed as I turned away from his eyes.

"For what? Not eating."

"No. Staring at you because you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen." I blushed, as I looked away. I can't believe I said that as I covered my face with my hands.

He laughed. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes."

"Good, let's get out of here." He helped me from my chair and we left the restaurant. The valet retrieved the car and we drove off.

"Where are we going?"

"To my house."

"Why are we going there?"

"It's one place we can be alone."

"Oh."

He drove up to a large white brick home; he had a remote to open the garage door he pulled inside as the door closed behind him. We went into the house he turned on the lights and I looked around. "Nice house!"

"Make yourself at home I will be right back."

I watched him go upstairs. I sat down on the sofa and there was a photo album lying on the coffee table so I started to look through it.

"Do you like my photographs?" He asked as he sat down next to me.

"Yes." I looked at him. "These are wonderful!"

"Thank you. I enjoy taking pictures."

"You should do this for a living."

He put one arm around me. "I did at one time, I still have pictures published in magazines from time to time."

He told me about each picture and stories from his past. I saw the misery in his eyes when he talked about his wife and family.

"You must have really loved your wife?"

"Yes I did!" He gazed deeply into my eyes and touched my face with his hand. Our lips touched, they were warm and supple.

"We shouldn't be doing this." I managed to get out between kisses.

"Why not? You aren't my student here." He said in a low voice as his lips were on mine again. He forced my mouth open with his tongue, as he unbuttoned my blouse and stuck his hand inside caressing my breasts. He suddenly stopped and stared into my eyes. "Jessica. I can't do this." He got up and went over to the window and stared out into the darkness.

"What's wrong? Did I do something?"

He moaned as he closed his eyes. "You haven't done anything wrong, it is the situation that is all wrong." He turned around and looked at me with desire in his eyes. "I think I should take you home before this goes any further."

"It is getting late."

We drove back to the clinic and parked next to my car. "Give me your keys and I will start it for you."

"Thanks."

He went to start my car and then quickly returned. "Oh it's cold out!" He then turned his attention to me. "I'm sorry I came on to you." He touched my face with his hand. "I'm… feeling lonely."

"It's okay, I really didn't mind."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah I'll be here." I finally got out of his car and walked over to mine. I looked over at him and he was still watching me. I smiled as I put my car in gear and drove off. Wow! What a night!