Please Give Me Strength

By Susan J.

Chapter 2

In the days that followed, Miguel was proving that he could be patient. He didn’t push the issue because he knew that I would withdraw further into my mood and he might not be able to draw me out. One day I woke up and saw him sleeping soundly, I got up and got dressed and went down stairs and into the kitchen. I was drinking some orange juice when Miguel walked in.

“Good morning, Miguel.”

“Good morning, how are you today?”

“So far so good, but the day is still early. Would you like some coffee?”

“Juice would be better.” I got a glass from the cabinet and poured him some juice from the pitcher. I handed him the glass.

“Thank you,” he said. We walked into the living room.

“So, what do you have planned for today amour?”

“I feel the need, believe it or not, to go to the gun range,” I said.

“You mean to go and shoot guns?”

“Yes. Would you like to join me?”

“I would like to watch you.”

“You don’t want to practice?” He started chuckling.

“Oh you silly woman, me practice?” I smiled.

“Sorry, let’s go.”

We left the house and went to the gun range where I shot off several rounds. Miguel watched but didn’t say a word. He watched the way I stood, my attitude,and the intense look on my face. After about an hour, I packed up my gun and we left. As we rode in the car I felt Miguel looking at me.

“What?” I asked.

“I was just wondering.”

“Wondering about what?”

“Can I buy you an iced tea?” I smiled.

“I would like that. I know just the place.”

I drove to a small café in town. We walked into the café and sat at a table on the patio. The waiter came over to us a few minutes later.

“Can I get you something?” the waiter asked.

“Two iced teas please,” Miguel said.

“Yes sir right away.” The waiter left.

“I must say, you still amaze me,” Miguel said.

“Amaze you? In what way?”

“I watched you as you practiced and you still have it.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes really.”

“That’s nice, thanks Miguel. Coming from you that is a great compliment.” The waiter returned and set down the drinks.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?” he asked.

“No thank you,” I said.

“Well, if you change your mind please let me know.”

“We will,” Miguel said.

The waiter left. We drank our tea and enjoyed the cool breeze that was blowing on this hot day. I felt so bad that I couldn’t talk to Miguel about what was bothering me, and I was angry with myself because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I knew that he did want to help me, but how can you help when you don’t know what the problem is.
We walked in town and he bought me some flowers, and had a wonderful time, for the afternoon I totally forgot my mood and I felt wonderful just to be with him.

Later that night Miguel and I were in bed and he was sound asleep. I looked at him sleeping so peacefully, and I was wide a wake with my mind running a mile a minute. What the hell was wrong with me?? Why was I being moody and irritated and totally bitchy? I had to find out. I got up trying not to move the bed too much so I wouldn’t bother Miguel. I put on my robe and walked downstairs. I looked at the clock to see that it was 4:30 in the morning. I decided to take a walk on the beach to clear my mind. While I walked along the shore I stopped and sat down on the sand, as I sat I looked out at the ocean. All of a sudden it dawned on me what might be the problem. I couldn’t believe the flood of memories that came running through my head. I looked up at the sky.

“Please give me strength to get through all this,” I asked the heavens above.

I felt the tears starting to fall down my cheeks and things became more and more clear.

Meanwhile back at the house, Miguel turned over and touched my pillow expecting to find me there beside him, but I wasn’t there. He sat up and looked around
the room.

“Serena? Where are you?”

He got up and put on a pair of jeans and walked downstairs.

“Serena, donde estas?” He looked around the room and then noticed the open sliding door; he walked outside onto the patio. He looked down the beach and saw me sitting on the sand. He walked over and stood behind me.

“Serena? What are you doing out here?” he asked. I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath and exhaled.

“Not much, you know me, I’m waiting for the sun to rise.”

“Not without a cup of coffee, or a glass of orange juice in your hand. I know you too well.” He sat down beside me. He looked at me and knew that I had been crying.

“Would you like to talk??” He was expecting the same answer that I gave every time he asked me that question. I turned to look at him.

“Yes, I think I am ready,” I said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” I cleared my throat, took another deep breath and exhaled.