Please Give Me Strength

By Susan J.

Chapter 3

“I think, I might have figured out what is wrong with me.”

“What?” MIguel asked.

“Well you remember Don, the doctor who helped you?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

“Well, he and his wife had a baby, and they asked me to be the Godmother and of course I accepted. During the ceremony, while I held that beautiful little baby in my arms, I started feeling strange.”

“What do you mean?”

“I started feeling and thinking that life was passing me by.” He touched my hair.

“Then I think what made it worse is that one day I was cleaning out a closet and I found this box way in back. I pulled it out, took it to the living room and started looking through it.”

“What was in the box?”

“My whole life before I met you.”

He looked at me. “You never told me of your life before we met.”

“It was a totally different life that I had.”

“Can you tell me?”

“Yes. I was one of two kids, my parents were down to earth people and tried to give us we needed to survive in this world. As I grew up, I could see that the world we lived in was not exactly perfect, and there were people in the world who were out to do more harm then good, people were getting hurt and I decided then and there that I needed to do something.”

“So you joined Interpol?”

“Yes.”

“But why Interpol?”

“Well, I looked into all the fields of law enforcement, and to me they were the best way to try and do my part. For the first few years I felt like I was making a difference, even though I was working with some total assholes, I did my work and I did it well. Then one day my whole world came crashing down.”

“Can you talk about it?” he asked.

“I’m going to try. I was working on a case, and as luck would have it I was able to capture the man that we were after. He went on trial and he was sent to jail for the rest of his life. As time went by things looked like they were getting back to normal, when one day I was called into my superior’s office. He told me that my parents and sister had been killed while they were in their house and the reason was that the “family” of the man that I put away thought I was there and they happened to be home and…”

“Oh Serena, I’m so sorry.”

“From that day on I changed totally. I buried myself in my work, I took on all the assignments that the others thought were too tough and dangerous. I didn’t care about myself anymore, I didn’t care if I was killed during an assignment. Then one day I got an assignment that again changed my life.”

“What assignment was that?”

“You.”

Miguel smiled. “And how did I change your life?”

“You made me laugh, you made me feel wanted again. Everything in a strange way started to find it’s place and I started to enjoy things again. Then after all these years, I found that damn box. I opened it and saw pictures that I hadn’t seen in years, pictures that made me feel like I was missing out on something.”

“Missing out on what?”

“Like a solid relationship, maybe marriage and a family of my own,” I said.

“Then everything you’ve been putting yourself through is because you wanted to get married and have a baby??

“Yes…no! I don’t really know!”

Miguel with his right hand turned my face so I could see his eyes. “Do you want me to marry you?”

I stared at him in disbelief. “What?”

“Would you like to me to marry you?”

“You’re out of your mind, Miguel!”

I got up and started walking back towards the house, when Miguel grabbed my arm and turned me so I could face him again.

“What exactly is it that you want, Serena?”

“I wish I knew?” I looked at him.

“Do you think what you’re going through could have been caused by me? Do you think that getting you involved in my line of business and my lifestyle might have started this downward spiral?” he asked.

“No, no Miguel, don’t think like that, that was my choice and my choice alone. I think, maybe it’s just what all women go through when they get to a certain age, they hear that old biological clock ticking and it bothers some women and others it doesn’t. I think it started bothering me when I found that box, but now after talking it out, it doesn’t seem to bother me so much.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled. “It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

“So, are you feeling better now?”

“Yes I do, I really do.”

Miguel looked up towards the sky. “The dawn should be breaking in about 45 minutes, what do you say if we head back to the house, I’ll make us some coffee and we’ll sit on the patio and watch the sunrise?"

“That sounds wonderful, except for one thing.”

“What?”

“I would like to watch the sunrise from the balcony of my bedroom, that way we can go back to bed. What do you say?”

“I say let’s go,” Miguel said.

We headed back to the house and Miguel made some coffee. We took it up to the bedroom and watched the sunrise from the balcony. He had his arm around my shoulder and I rested my head on his shoulder. After the sun rose high into the sky I looked at Miguel.

“Thank you Miguel.”

“For what?”

“For listening to me, for being patient and most of all thanks for wanting to marry me.”

He smiled. “You’re welcome.”