Bed of Roses

By Susan

I arrived back in Miami later that night; during the flight I kept thinking about how I left leaving only a note behind, I knew that Miguel wasn't going to like it, but for me it was the only way for me to leave. When I got home I noticed that there was a message on my answering machine, I felt that it was Miguel.

"I'll listen to it tomorrow."

I went upstairs and went to bed. The next day I woke up early enough to see the sun rise, while I was watching the new day arrive I heard a voice from behind.

"Hola amor."

I didn't even turn around.

"Hola Miguel," I said.

He walked towards me.

"I knew that I would find you out here."

"At this hour of the morning where else would I be?"

"Serena, I would like to talk with you."

"About what?"

"You know damn well about what."

"Let's go inside then." We walked inside; I sat on the couch meanwhile Miguel walked around the room.

"Why did you leave like you did, Serena?"

"Because I couldn't bear to see your eyes when I told you that I was leaving."

"That's bullshit! You leave in the middle of the night and you leave only a note! What kind of good-bye is that?"

I could see that he was getting ready to explode so I had to be very careful how I was going to handle this situation.

"Miguel, something happened to me that for the first time in my life. It scared me, scared me so much that I had to leave in the manner that I did."

"What could have possibly been so bad that it scared you?" He sat on the couch next to me and held my hand.

"The last night that we were together I had that dream again."

"Was there something different about it this time?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"I finally found out what you wanted to say to me."

"What was it?"

I took a deep breath and exhaled.

"You said…"

"Yes..?"

"You said that you loved me."

"I said that I loved you?"

"Yes."

Miguel looked at me and started laughing. I grabbed a small pillow from the couch and threw it at him.

"Oh ha ha, very funny!" I said.

I got up from the couch and walked outside. Miguel followed a few seconds later.

"Now, now, amor, don't be upset because I found what you said funny."

I looked at him and smiled.

"I'm not upset with you I'm upset with me."

"Why?"

"Because of a dream and what was said in a dream made me run away! Isn't that stupid."

Miguel hugged me tightly.

"No it's not stupid and neither are you."

He kissed my forehead.

"Did I really say that I loved you?" he asked.

"Yes you did and I know it's something that you would never say."

He looked at me. "Why would you say that? I am capable of loving someone."

"Miguel, I didn't mean it that way. It's just that in all the years that I've known you I have never heard you say that."

"Well, neither have you."

"I know that, and I guess hearing it from you, if only in a dream, scared me to the point where the only thing I could do was leave."

"So you have a little problem with commitment?"

"Yes, I guess I do, and I think you do too, Miguel."

We looked at each other and smiled.

"You're right, but I do care about you Serena in a way that I never thought that I would."

"That's nice to hear you say that, it means a lot to me. I care for you too."

"I guess you can say that we've been through the ups and downs of life together."

"As well as the ins and outs of bullets."

"You are so right." He kissed me.

"We are too much alike in the ways of a commitment mi vida," Miguel said.

"I think you're right, but I'm comfortable with our relationship the way that it is."

"With no formal commitment you mean?"

"Exactly."

"Then we'll keep it that way then."

"Sounds good to me. Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes."

I walked inside and Miguel looked at me as I did.

"Yes, we will keep our relationship like that, at least for now," Miguel said.

We sat at the dining room table and talked for a while longer until his pager went off. He read the message on it and then looked at me.

"I'm sorry amor," he said.

"You can't turn this contract down right?"

"Right."

"I understand, go and do what you have to do."

We looked at each other and smiled. I stood up and Miguel walked over and hugged me tightly.

"I will never have any doubt about you understanding me. Take care amor," he said.

"I will. You take care of yourself as well."

"I always do."

We kissed and hugged one more time.

"I'll call you soon," he said.

"You'd better."

He turned and left. Miguel has and always will amaze me and I guess in our own strange kind of way the relationship that we have can be called love but in our case we would never say the LOVE word to each other…at least I don't think so?