Return From Darkness

By Steph

Doctor Xavier sat at Luis' desk and wrote in his notebook while Sara shaved Luis on the opposite end of the room. Sara finished by wiping his face with a warm towel, then folded the razor in its leather cover and placed it in a box, which she would then take with her upon leaving the room.

Luis grabbed his cane and pushed himself to stand then slowly made his way across the room to sit in an upholstered chair next to the desk. He noticed Sara taking the box away. They still didn't trust him, more so since yesterday, when he sent Inez away.

"I am sorry about Inez," he said.

"As well you should be," said Doctor Xavier not looking up. He was a tall man with broad shoulders, dark eyes and a thick moustache so dark that his lips always looked bright pink below it.

"If she would return, I would apologize to her directly," Luis said. He still didn't believe all her lies, but they were probably not her lies. She just repeated the lies of others.

Doctor Xavier looked up. He seemed the type of man one would not want as an enemy and now Luis could see the doctor's annoyance.

"She is a very good nurse, Luis. My best nurse. She quit yesterday and plans to sail back to New Orleans next Friday."

For some reason, the news caused Luis a moment of panic. "But," what could he say? "What could I do to stop her? To make it right with her?" The doctor shrugged and looked back at his notes. "I'll write her a letter at once," Luis said. He couldn't think of anything else and the doctor was of no help. "Where is she staying?"

"Right now, she is staying with the Jordan family. It seems she and Mrs. Jordan have become good friends." Dr. Xavier closed his notebook and stood. "Would you like to know my current diagnosis of your health, Luis?"

As soon as the doctor stepped away from the desk, Luis took over the chair and opened a drawer with writing paper. He waved a hand at the doctor's question. He didn't especially want to hear any more about signs of mental illness, permanent damage to his heart, or any of those little phrases the doctor used to keep him interned in his own home.

"Well, I'll say again that you have been most fortunate. First, that your attacker didn't have time to do anymore than drop you into water, hoping you would drown in your weakened state, and second, that she did not give you enough poison to kill you."

This, he especially did not want to hear. She had been trying to save him. It wasn't her fault he'd slipped on the dock. And she had run for help, not to flee.

"However," continued the doctor, pacing.

Here it comes, thought Luis. Mental illness and a trip to the asylum. He is really angry about Inez. Alan won't let it happen, but it wouldn't be the first time the doctor had threatened.

"Your luck extends beyond those circumstances. You have not had a bloody stool in more than two weeks. Your throat and intestines are almost completely healed. Your heartbeat is still showing irregularities and so I will continue to prescribe rest." He stopped "If you must exercise, and it seems you must, then do so at a slower pace. I have explained to Inez that she should not have allowed you to become so completely exhausted yesterday and that could have been why you reacted so ungallantly." He sighed. "And Luis, do try to keep your anger in check. You are a man of great passion. This has been witnessed by all, but your continued blindness in the matter of your wife is something that must be dealt with. You cannot throw things every time someone brings the matter up. You will have to face the truth sooner or later, and the sooner you do, the quicker your recovery."

Luis had lifted a pen and now wrote, "Dear Sra. Wetherby:" without acknowledging the doctor's words, though he was glad to know that he had recovered so well. And he would continue to exercise in his own way. He could tell it helped increase his strength. "I am writing to you in order to beg your forgiveness for my selfish and violent actions of yesterday. It seems I am always apologizing to you, and this, I think, occurs because I am still recovering and the slow pace of my recovery angers me. You are the closest person to me and I lash out at you because you are here, when truly, I am angry with myself.

"I have become comfortable with you as my nurse, and I trust you and your intentions toward my health. Please return and I shall make every effort to remember how to behave as a gentleman in your presence. -Very truly yours, Luis Vargas"

Luis folded the letter and encased it in an envelope, then pressed his mark into the wax seal. He looked up and saw the doctor watching him.

"Will you deliver this?" Luis asked, writing Sra. Inez Wetherby on the envelope. He held it towards the doctor.

Dr. Xavier took the envelope. "I hope this moves her, Luis. I do not think either of my other two nurses will be able to put up with you for even a day."

Luis gave him a small smile, suddenly feeling much more himself, sitting behind his own desk, using his own stationery. "If Inez does not return, I will do fine with only Sara. Or do you still think I must not be left alone?"

"I am still uncertain as to the state of your mental health, Luis. However, Inez has convinced me that you are not a danger to yourself."

Luis nodded but said nothing. He still had moments of such intense despair that he thought to take his life, but after seeing the damage he had caused to Alan's financial affairs, he would do nothing until he cleared up that obligation.

The doctor excused himself to speak with Sara, no doubt about diet and bedtimes. They still treat me like a child, thought Luis. He shook it off. He had to control his anger, his frustration. Gain control of his life. It would be best if Inez returned, he told himself. After all, she had the doctor's ear.

He rose and walked to the window. Beyond the trees he saw the gate to his estate. A guard sat on a stool, eating, while another leaned against the post with a tall glass in his hand. He saw Sara's niece hanging back. He would speak to Sara about sending the girl among such men. She should send a boy, no, not even a boy, a man. Then he saw the girl's brother, a tall strapping young man. He carried a shotgun over his shoulder and a brace of rabbits tied to his belt. The girl curtsied to the guards and followed her brother back towards the house. Luis nodded his approval. He wouldn't have to talk to Sara after all. Of course, she would never be so foolish.

Luis had never asked about the guards. He saw them for the first time last week and assumed they were there to keep him from leaving. They weren't police, though, so as the week went on, he wondered who was paying for them. He hadn't asked. He didn't really want to know.

The doctor left on his bay mare, ignoring the guards who opened the gate for him. Sara stepped in a few moments later with a tray of lemonade.

"I think I'll take it out on the veranda, Sara," he said, watching the doctor disappear among the foliage. He started to turn away, saw something and peered in the directions of the road as it bent out of sight. A cloaked figure stepped onto the road, then off it again. He waited, but saw nothing else, then turned, leaning on his cane, and followed Sara out of the room.

**

Augusta Jordan was a woman with a strict sense of right and wrong. Luis had always thought her judgmental, but Luis also thought her a very beautiful and proper wife for his dearest friend, and, until he married Julia, Luis had always liked Augusta. He hadn't seen her since the day that Julia ran away from their Santiago home.

He hadn't seen her daughter, Marie, since weeks before that fateful day, yet here they were, sitting in his drawing room, Marie playing the piano like a miniature virtuoso. Alan grinned proudly at his twelve-year-old daughter and Luis couldn't help but add his own pride. He had watched the child grow up and before him sat a girl on the verge of womanhood.

Luis looked at Inez, who sat quietly in a chair on the opposite side of Augusta. It was the first time he had seen her without her uniform, except when they met three years before. She seemed totally unfamiliar to him. Then, he had noticed Tom's reaction to his wife more than he actually noticed his wife. Now, though. She still had a very small waist and straight shoulders, modestly covered, as was her bosom, which appeared quite substantial behind the lace and satin of her bodice. She wore her hair up in the new French fashion, similar to Augusta's style, off of her neck, but with tiny curls that framed her young face, that exotic face that he saw now was truly beautiful. And serene, he thought, remembering how her hazel eyes could light up in anger.

She glanced at him and he smiled. She turned her gaze back to Marie without responding and Luis felt disappointment, yet also a strange sense of relief. Did he really want Inez to flirt with him? No, absolutely not. She was a lady, first of all. And besides, he still loved Julia. And he would love Julia for the rest of his life. How could he tease this woman, who no doubt must be looking for a new husband. And he would make a fine husband, weak and wealthy, what so many women must consider perfection. Not that he was truly wealthy, but the assets were there, and there didn't seem to be a slowdown in the business. He would be wealthy once again. Any smart woman would know that. Inez would know that.

He glanced up to see Augusta giving him a questioning look and he realized that he was clenching his jaw. He relaxed his features and smiled at her. What was he doing thinking about marriage? Stop being a fool, he told himself. He would never marry again. Never.

Marie finished her recital and the adults clapped heartily as she left her stool to curtsy, then she grinned at Luis and skipped towards him.

"Did you like it, Tio Luis?" she asked, her curls flopping all about her head.

"You were magnificent, Maria, maravillosa!" he said and embraced her tightly.

"Mother says you are getting better. Will you take me riding again, like before?"

"Absolutamente, niña, as soon as I can. And," he hugged her again, and suddenly realized how much he had missed sharing Alan's family, "I think you're big enough to ride the roan. I told you he would be yours as soon as you could ride him. So maybe its time to find out, huh?"

Her blue eyes widened with excitement. "Oh Tio!" she cried, gripping him around the neck and kissing his cheek. Luis looked beyond the girl and saw Inez smiling at them. He kissed Marie's cheek and pushed her gently away.

"I think it must be time for dinner. Shall we adjourn to the dining room?" He rose easily and offered his arm to Marie, who took it, then walked to the double doors of the parlor, leaning lightly on the cane.

"Marie," said Inez, walking behind them, "I am most impressed with your playing. It appears the discipline of Sr. Juarez has its rewards."

Marie flushed and grinned. "He is still a horrible man," she said and they all laughed.

Once seated and served, Augusta said, "I am so pleased to see you looking so well, Luis. Alan says you might even return to the office soon. I hope that you will also resume your Saturday dinners with us."

Luis tasted the tender beef and nodded his satisfaction. It was good to eat substantial food again. It felt good to be among friends. "I am not sure, Augusta. Will those guards let me leave?"

Alan coughed, wiped his mouth with his napkin and stared at Luis. The others also looked at him curiously. "They are not there to keep you here, Luis. They are there to protect you."

"Protect me?" asked Luis. "From what?" Myself, no doubt, he thought.

They all looked at each other and he noticed how Inez dropped her gaze to her plate. Augusta gave a meaningful look to Alan and then looked pointedly at Marie.

"From ne-er do wells," said Inez.

Luis didn't understand, but understood enough to know that they didn't wish to discuss the matter in front of the girl. So he dropped the subject for Marie's sake, though now he would have to find out what was going on. Inez knew. He would ask her after the Jordans left.

It seemed too soon before the family left. The night had been filled with laughter and discussions of events in Santiago, the coffee export business, new fashions and old families. Augusta explained to Inez in whispers whenever they fell into talking about people Inez didn't know and even Marie had a tale or two about the girls with whom she shared classes that gave rise to laughter among the adults. When Marie yawned, it signaled the lateness of the night, though she protested vigorously that she wasn't the least bit tired.

Once the family left in their carriage, Luis turned and looked at the long staircase. Sometimes it seemed as high as a mountain, and as the night had taken most of his energy, he wondered if he might need help climbing it.

Inez suddenly stood at his side, offering her arm. At first, Luis felt offense, as if she exploited this weakness of his, as if she were the man, he the woman. But he was tired and she was his nurse once again.

"So, why are the guards there?" he asked her as he took her arm.

"You are looking rather pale right now, Don Luis," she said. "Would you prefer more help than I can give to climb the stairs? You have climbed them twice already today."

He looked at the stairs again. "No, I'll be fine. Are you going to answer my question?"

"No," she said, leading him to the stairway, then taking the first step a fraction of time before his step.

"So, it has something to do with…"

"Remember the rules, Don Luis," she interrupted.

The rules, yes, he thought. He would not discuss Julia with Inez. She would not answer questions regarding "that woman" as her letter had put it. But this made him all the more curious. What did the guards have to do with Julia? He would ask Alan tomorrow. Or Sara, but no, Sara refused to discuss Julia as well. And he could not afford to upset Sara, of all people.

By the time they reached the top of the stairs, Luis' legs wobbled, but he felt satisfied that he was not forced to rest once during the ascent.

"Shall I walk with you to your room, Don Luis?" Inez asked.

He looked at her and thought that she would not have asked if she was wearing her nurse's uniform. She simply would have done so. But here, as a beautiful young woman, walking him to his room had a different meaning.

"Thank you, Sra. Wetherby," he said, bowing his head, "but I think I can make it the rest of the way on my own."

She smiled and bowed her head in return. "Then I shall take my leave, sir."

"Good night then," he said, watched her bow her head again and turn back down the stairs. He had the feeling that he had just experienced her version of flirtation, a very innocent version.

Luis turned away and headed for his room, his legs weak but strong enough to assure him that they would not suddenly fold beneath him. Innocent, he thought. He doubted Inez was as innocent as she portrayed. All women had their tricks. They lied. They played games. One of those games was to manipulate men without their knowing. No different than Julia, he thought. They were all the same.

Once in his bed, he lay still, thinking about the night. It had been a lovely evening. He had waited for that judgment from Augusta, or even a look. She had never liked Julia, he'd seen that even at the wedding, but Augusta seemed sincerely pleased with him. And there was that word "seemed" again. Women all seemed this and that. Did anyone know what they really were?

He heard something, a bird? No. Humming. He heard humming from below. He listened carefully. Below, but not close. The tune seemed familiar. If he could only hear it better.

His heart began to pound. He pushed himself out of his bed, rushed to the window and threw open the shutters. There! He heard it again. Then it stopped. His legs threatened to buckle. A storm of noise rose in his ears. It was her song, her song. Who was singing her song?