El Muerte

By Debel

David found Antonio, finally, in a white, silk, dressing robe like Mother's, sprawled on an overly stuffed chaise lounge in the guest bedroom, a beer bottle in his hand.

David raised an eyebrow. "Drinking on the job?"

Antonio grinned at him, his eyelids drooping lazily as he raised the bottle in a toast and pointed it at the far wall of the room. "There's more in the little frig over there. Stephen keeps it well stocked."

David pulled out a beer and said quietly as he raised it to his lips, "I just bet he does."

"What?" Antonio asked sleepily from the chaise lounge.

"I said Stephen seems to be an efficient person." David turned and looked down at Antonio. The silk draped and exposed his skin in luxurious enticement. He watched as Antonio stretched and closed his eyes, his long hair loose about his face. Antonio shrugged. "Stephen's all talk. Don't let him bother you."

"Did I say he bothered me?" David couldn't quite control the high pitch of irritation in his voice.

Antonio's eyes remained closed and his voice calm. "You didn't have to. I can just tell."

"Tell what?" This time David's voice was obviously irritated.

Antonio cracked an eyelid at him. "That you're jealous."

David was so obviously outraged that Antonio grinned, which made David even more insulted. "Jealous! Fuck you! What an ego!" He went to stand directly over Antonio, glaring down at him. "I thought this was supposed to be strictly a business deal, your idea."

Antonio stretched again and smiled beautifully up at David's angry face. "You're right. I did say that." He sat up and walked over to the frig for another beer. His back turned, he asked, "Did you and Mother have a nice talk?"

David was confused. He sensed Antonio was in a strange mood. "We did, as a matter of fact." The next words out of his mouth escaped before he could stop them. "Did you and Stephen have a nice talk?" He cringed as soon as he said them.

Antonio laughed and turned around, shaking his head. He came to stand close enough that David could feel the heat from Antonio's body reaching out to him with a warmth he desperately yearned to wrap himself in. Antonio's voice was soft. "Stephen showed me the room, that's all."

David reached out and ran his finger slowly under the silk lapel of the robe and couldn't get the picture that he had created out of his mind, of Stephen kneeling in front of Antonio, the robe open to those eager and expert hands and mouth. He stared into Antonio's eyes. "Tell it to someone who cares," he said. He turned around, grimaced and mouthed, 'fuck'. He could not believe he was saying this stuff.

Antonio laughed and it wasn't a pleasant sound. "Now you're learning, Rubio."

"Learning what, Antonio? How to forget I'm human?" David's own voice was full of pain.

Antonio took a long pull on his drink and shrugged as he walked away. "Learning how to survive, that's all."

"Did you teach Nicky this same lesson?" David hadn't intended to bring the subject of Nicky up this way and was sorry he had mentioned his name as soon as he noted the way Antonio's body stilled at the sound of this name from the past. It hung in the air between them like a specter until Antonio spoke, a note of quiet panic in his voice. He said only one word, "Don't."

David couldn't stop himself. "Don't what, Antonio?"

Antonio's voice was harsh and almost threatening. "Don't bring up the past. It's dead and buried. Leave it that way."

"Is it buried Antonio? Or can you keep it buried just so long before it surfaces and you wake up screaming or crying on the floor?" David was only guessing; he was blundering about blindly, but he sensed he had to continue if he was ever going to reach Antonio.

Antonio snorted in derision. "What are you now, my shrink? Just cut this crap, will you, for Christ's sake! Damn, it's hot in here! I can't breathe!" He moved to the balcony door and opened it. The cool, night air flooded into the room. David felt chilled inside and out. He took a deep breath and moved to stand behind Antonio, wrapping his arms around the smaller man's waist. "Antonio....." he started.

"Don't!" Antonio broke out of his embrace and moved back restlessly into the room. "Just give me some space will you?" He needed to get out, away from David and especially the ghosts that suddenly were everywhere he turned. "I should never have brought you here. I knew it was a mistake. Dammit!" He glared at David. He couldn't leave and he felt trapped, but he had a job to do. He gritted his teeth and flopped onto the bed. Reaching for the remote, he turned on the television and immediately started surfing through the channels in a relentless drive, satisfied to watch the flashing images, unable to focus on anything.

"How long were you and Nicky lovers?" David asked.

Antonio's stare at the screen flickered, then he said, his voice a warning, "Don't mention his name again."

"Why?" David asked, determined to keep the pressure up. "What happened? Nicky didn't like business arrangements either or was he just no good in bed?"

Antonio came off the bed and David was knocked to the floor hard, a sharp knee drilled into his spine. He couldn't even cry out because his face was being ground into the plush carpet.

"You shit! You don't know the hell what you're talking about! I told you to shut the fuck up!" Antonio's voice was almost unrecognizable with rage.

David twisted his face to the side enough to say, his voice full of agony, but defiant, "Did you beat Nicky up too? Is that why he left?"

Suddenly the weight lifted from David and he turned over onto his back, grunting in pain. Antonio knelt beside him, the anger drained from his face and in its place there was nothing. All the emotion had seeped away somewhere deep and unreachable. Fear settled around David's heart. He reached out and touched Antonio's arm. "Antonio?" He pleaded.

Antonio looked at David. "I would never hurt Nicky." Something in his voice tightened the hold fear had on David. "I know you wouldn't Antonio. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

Antonio stood up and walked into the bathroom. David struggled to his feat, ignoring the pain still gripping his back, and then breathed a sigh of relief when Antonio emerged seconds later and sat on the side of the bed. David went and sat beside him. Antonio was holding a small black and white photo in his hand. It's edges were worn and the picture looked as if it had been in a wallet for a long time.

Antonio stared at it. "Savvas Nikolopoulos." He said it in a hushed voice as if he were afraid of conjuring a spirit from the grave.

David looked at the two young men staring at him from the picture. They looked happy. He could easily recognize Antonio. The beautiful face smiled at him from the past and David knew he had never seen that look on Antonio's face before. The men stood close together, Antonio leaning slightly against the taller man. David looked closely at Nicky and he began to see the resemblance. Nicky looked to be very similar in height and build to David. There was something about the face's open, handsome features. It could have been David except where David was blonde, Nicky was dark.

"Mother said I reminded her of him." David whispered softly.

Antonio looked at him, a slight curiosity in his eyes and then he frowned as he shook his head. "I don't see it at all." He turned his attention back to the photo. "Except that you're both stubborn and pig-headed."

"Why do you say that Antonio?" David asked.

Antonio shrugged and would only say, "Because it's true."

David tried again. "When did you first meet?"

A ghost of a smile fluttered over Antonio's lips. "We grew up together. We protected each other."

"Protected each other from who?" David asked.

Antonio shrugged again. "The world." Then the pain started to float to the surface of his eyes. "Except in the end I couldn't protect him. I killed him." He suddenly jerked to his feet and David quickly stood beside him, wrapping him in a close embrace. Antonio rested his forehead against David's neck and said in an exhausted voice, "I'm cold."

David threw back the bed covers and eased Antonio onto the bed, crawling in beside him and pulling the covers over both of them. He wrapped Antonio in his arms once again. He could feel the coldness and stiffness of his body and pulled him closer. "What happened to Nicky, Antonio?" He asked. The arms around him tightened and then Antonio answered, his voice tired and defeated. "He went back to the room for his journals. I told him not to, that it wasn't safe, but those damn journals, they were everything to him; so he snuck back." Antonio moved against him. "Hold me tighter. I can't get warm." David wrapped himself around the trembling body as tightly as he could. "They were there looking for me, but they got Nicky instead. Everyone knew we were together. They decided to leave me a message and have some fun at the same time. When he didn't show up at our new place, I knew where he had to be, but I was too late. They had already left except for Nicky."

"He was dead?" David whispered and he felt Antonio's head nod in answer against his. Then his voice came again and it was as if he were talking about the weather it was so calm. "They had tortured him first and left him nailed to the wall, crucified with nails in his wrists and feet. They had done things to him. The room was covered in blood and the smell. I can still smell it. They hadn't marked his face. They wanted to be sure I recognized him. His eyes were open. His face......I can't forget...." Antonio's voice broke out of its calm recitation and then the sobs tore free. They clung desperately to each other, David helpless to do anything but hold the shaking body against his and wait until Antonio exhausted himself. But the sobs turned into frantic, clutching movements. Antonio's voice was desperate. "Make me forget!" He reached up and pulled David's face down to his and began to devour his mouth. David pulled away and looked down into eyes that seemed to be reaching up to him from hell. "Please, Rubio. I'll go crazy. Please!"

David's hands glided over the silk-covered flesh and parted the robe. Antonio closed his eyes and surrendered to the touch. The face beneath David's changed, it softened slightly and then the eyes flew open. Antonio looked up at David, holding his gaze as he moved his hands to open David's pants. "Fuck me. I want you to fuck me." There was breathless desperation in his voice.

David felt helpless, caught in a strong current and unable to struggle free. He covered Antonio's body with his and felt Antonio's legs spread for him. Antonio's body wanted him; it took him in eagerly, especially the pain. David tried to go slowly, but Antonio wouldn't allow it. He moved against him until David was caught up in the frantic need as well and then he let his own body struggle to satisfy its own hunger. He caught a glimpse now and then, through eyes fogged with desire, of Antonio's head rolling against the pillow and David thrust harder, trying to push Nicky's face from both their minds. And then a hoarse cry came out of Antonio. It was full of longing and pain and unshed tears. David's body emptied itself into Antonio, and his heart suddenly felt empty, as well. Antonio's cry had emptied it, for the one he had called out to was Nicky.